02 November 2002/Transcript

This is a transcription of the 02 November 2002 episode, from Xfm Series 2

Ladies Boobs

Song: Foo Fighters - All My Life

Ricky: Foo Fighters "All My Life" on Xfm 104.9. I'm Ricky Gervais with me Steve Merchant…

Steve: Hello.

Ricky: …and of course Karl Pilkington. Oooooo have we got a show for you today.

Steve laughs

Ricky: Haven't we?

Steve: What have we got planned, what have we got planned?

Ricky: Oh we've got loads, awwww

Steve: Come on.

Ricky: Loads of stuff and it- two hours of it.

Steve: Right.

Ricky: And all the records.

Steve: Specifically what sort of stuff have you planned for us? Cause I know you've been working hard.

Ricky: What have you done what have you done?

Steve: Cause I see oh you know I've been busy this week I've been house hunting I've had various things but I know you've had the whole week off.

Ricky: Right.

Steve: So what have you been up to?

Ricky: Go on then, Karl. Karl, tell him what we've got. Tell him what you've- what we've planned and all the stuff you've done.

Karl: What have you got?

Steve: But Rick, Specifically what have you come up with?

Ricky: I've uh-

Steve: Quick quick quick quick cause people are gettin' bored. Tell us what you've-

Ricky: Ok, I've come up with um the music.

Steve: Right, I c- obviously that- we've already planned that. We planned that last week, so that's all done. But what have you yourself contributed to today's show?

Ricky: I got uh- I got uh… um… uh… a text message today from Ross Noble. You know, Ross Noble the comedian.

Steve: M-hm.

Ricky: Who's on- who's on Have I Got News For You.

Steve: Right

Ricky: Alright? He says, "Ask Karl, if he woke up with ladies' boobs would he just put a dress on and live as a lady or would he just be a man but with these boobs?"

Steve: Karl it's a good question.

Karl: Oooo

Steve: I know, I know that happened to Ross.

Ricky laughs

Steve: So he's throwing that one out at ya.

Ricky: He did in a way cause he ate pizzas for a year, didn't he?

Steve: Yes he did.

Ricky: He got a lovely pair of breasts.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Go on.

Steve: Or man boobs.

Karl: Probably just find a loose fitting jumper and go to the doctors

Ricky laughs

Ricky: What would you say to the doctor? How would you explain this phenomenon to the doctor? See you'd be- you'd be happy with this cause you believe in um- shite like you know-

Karl: No no no no no

Ricky: Go on. What?

Karl: But it can happen cos I told ya a couple of weeks ago how that can happen.

Ricky: What? What ha-

Karl: How you can wake up with breasts if you're a fella. I told ya.

Ricky: Go on.

Karl: Haven't ya remembered?

Ricky: No I I I funny that, innit? Go on.

Karl: Have you, Steve?

Steve: No I I don't remember this. Wh- did you tell us on air?

Karl: Yeah. Um it can happen if you go to Argentina and have a steak…

Ricky sniggers

Karl: … you can wake up with breasts. Because-

Steve laughs

Karl: Because they-

Steve: I'm sure I would have remembered that.

Ricky: Karl, pull the other one.

Ricky sniggers

Ricky: Look'it he likes that he likes that!

Steve: Is that what you’ve come up with for this week, that joke?

Ricky laughs

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Brilliant play a record it's gonna be a dynamite show.

Karl: What song do ya want?

Ricky: Oh right listen, look we're gonna play- I'm gonna play some classic tunes today I'm gonna educate the youngsters, Steve.

Steve: Uh-huh.

Ricky: Right, now you've all heard of Lou Reed, you've all heard of Velvet Underground but, you know, have you heard of "Venus in Furs", Karl?

Steve sings "Shiny shiny…"

Ricky and Steve sing "Shiny boots of leather"

Song: The Velvet Underground - Venus in Furs