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[[07 December 2001]] features Karl's screen test for MTV. Ricky and Steve 'educating' Karl, alongside the usual [[Educating Ricky]], by reading him two fictional stories which demonstrates how gullible Karl is when reading internet material.
[[07 December 2002]] features Karl's screen test for MTV. Ricky and Steve 'educating' Karl, alongside the usual Educating Ricky, by reading him two fictional stories which demonstrates how gullible Karl is when reading internet material.


==Track Listing==
==Track Listing==
====1. [[Stressed Out]] ''(h:mm:ss)''====
{|width=65% style="border-spacing:8px;margin:0px -8px"
Karl explains how stressed he is about today's MTV screen test as he is already overworked.
!{{sectionhead|#EEEEEE|#AAAAAA|left|''For a full transcript of this episode see [[07 December 2002/Transcript]].''}}
|- 
|
|}


The Pixies - ''Debaser (00:02:32)''
====1. [[07 December 2002/Transcript#They Won't Even Press Record|They Won't Even Press Record]] ''(0:00:00)''====
Ricky gives Karl a hard time for being both nervous and complacent about his MTV screen test.  On Good Friday 1930 there was no news.


====2. [[Ricky & Steve Are Jealous]] ''(0:03:17)''====
====2. [[07 December 2002/Transcript#A Good Way of Promoting This Show|A Good Way of Promoting This Show]] ''(0:02:32)''====
Ricky and Steve berate Karl for appearing on Zoe Ball's show throughout the past week.
The boys play a Pixies song which was already played in the last half hour.  Karl's been busy multitasking and doing his best, but Steve's not sure it's good enough.  Ricky and Steve berate Karl for appearing on [[Zoe Ball]]'s show throughout the past week.  Karl has some new segments ideas: [[Proposed_Features|Celebrity Fact Club]] and [[Proposed_Features|Through The Rick-key Hole]].


====3. [[New Segment Ideas]] ''(0:05:55)''====
====3. [[07 December 2002/Transcript#Win The Best of the Weather|Win The Best of the Weather]] ''(0:06:36)''====
Karl has some new segments ideas; ''Celebrity Fact Club'', ''Through The Rick-key Hole''.
Steve runs through this week's [[Rockbusters]] prizes, which include the video "Wild Weather", and Karl gives the clues.


Wu-Tang-Clan - ''The Gravel Pit (00:06:37)''
====4. [[07 December 2002/Transcript#Do We Need These?|Do We Need These?]] ''(0:11:21)''====
[[Karl's Mam|Karl's mum]] writes in with her third attempt at writing Rockbusters clues, and we get a peek into the kind of chat Karl has with his parents. [http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/animals/mammals/tv/ The Life of Mammals] program on in the week gives Karl the idea for a show he could do on MTV, 'Do We Need These?', which would feature animals like whales and jellyfish and be interspersed with animal-themed music.  Bison are the weirdest looking things you've ever seen.


====4. [[Rockbusters]] ''(0:07:00)''====
====5. [[07 December 2002/Transcript#Annoyed That They're Not True|Annoyed That They're Not True]] ''(0:18:24)''====
Steve runs through the prizes for Rockbusters this week; "The Best Air Guitar Album In The World Vol: 2", "Best Songs You Have Heard In An Advert Ever" album, a Smashing Pumpkins Album, The Wicker Man DVD and a double VHS entitled "Wild Weather" - much to the mirth of the lads.
Karl's distracted because the MTV lady is there.  Ricky and Steve present Karl with 2 pieces of "news" they've found in the week. <br>


Karl gives the clues:<br>
'''1.''' Due to the Data Protection Act, companies are required to grind up all their silicon chips after use and some of these grains made their way to a bay in New England. Over time ''they'' began to notice that the crabs behaviour was changing and the crabs had taken on silicon and were starting to form geometric patterns. ''They'' decided to do some investigation and due to the way in which a crab's brain works they were able to draw out images from the crab's brain. As Ricky describes "you could release thousands of them onto enemy beaches and it would be like thousands of digital cameras". The story concludes with Ricky explaining to Karl that the baby crabs which came a few generations down the line had exactly the same memories as the original crabs as well as memories from their own childhoods. <br>
'''LZ''': That will never get off the ground.<br>
'''2.''' A 7-month pregnant female body builder woke up one morning to find that her baby had been born (or as Ricky describes - "pushed itself out of her vagina") during the night without her noticing, the baby was very strong due to the hormones the woman had been taking and was pulling the woman down the bed using it's umbilical
'''HH''': That woman has got a pair of her husband's gloves and a pair of her own.<br>
Karl's incredulous that the baby could be pulling the mum along.  He's heard a story about babies being born without intervention.  Ricky reveals they've made up both the stories, and Steve suggests Karl might learn from this that he is a bit gullible.  Karl's got his own [[Educating Ricky]] headlines, which did happen.  The headlines are: ''Don't Rub It Too Hard You'll Get A Rasher'', ''Enough Is Anus'', and ''Wool It Like A Bloke Or A Woman?''<br>
'''L''': You'll get a right load of bacon off them.<br>


David Bowie - ''Driving Saturday (00:11:17)''
====6. [[07 December 2002/Transcript#There's a Bloke Who Reads Arses|There's a Bloke Who Reads Arses]] ''(0:30:55)''====
In case Karl gets put on VH1, he practices introducing a song by Genesis.  Ricky chooses the anus story for his first Educating Ricky, which detours when Karl explains how he was picked to serve biscuits to old people when he was a kid, because he had good nails.


Lastly, Karl's mom writes in for the second time with her attempt of Rockbusters.
====7. [[07 December 2002/Transcript#1 in 10 Rams are Gay|1 in 10 Rams are Gay]] ''(0:34:40)''====
Karl's conflicted about trying to interview for MTV whilst doing his proper job.  Maybe if he had "Zane" in his name it would help.  Next Ricky chooses the wool headline, which refers to research where scientists have found that there is something in ram's brains that make them gay or not.  Karl goes through some info that didn't make the top 3, including a woman who's boyfriend finally proposed and her hair fell out from the shock, and a woman who smuggled a lizard onto a plane by wearing it as a hat.  An email has come in from [[Richard Anderson]], in which he now seems desensitised to the show.


====5. [[Do We Need These?]] ''(0:13:34)''====
====8. [[07 December 2002/Transcript#If Things Are Meant To Be, They'll Happen|If Things Are Meant To Be, They'll Happen]] ''(0:42:05)''====
After watching David Attenborough during the week Karl thinks he may be able to use MTV as a veichle for a show titled "Do We Need These?".  The show would feature animals like whales and jellyfish and be interspersed with animal themed music.
Karl's screen test is over, and he's resigned to the outcome. He's not prepared for promotions in the past, like in [[Little Donkey]] when he went down a storm. Maybe he doesn't want to be on the telly because of [[Karl's Dad|his dad]]'s mocking him as a kid on stage.  Karl doesn't think he has the look for VH1.  In the week he learned the origin of the phrase "flash in the pan", which might be apt.  Ricky tries to fake out Karl again with a story about a card trick [[Derren Brown]] did at [[Jonathan Ross]]'s birthday, but Karl's not having itRicky and Steve mess with other trite sayings, to Karl's annoyance.


Coldplay - ''In My Place (00:18:23)''
====9. [[07 December 2002/Transcript#Tom Gibbon of Bloxhall Road|Tom Gibbon of Bloxhall Road]] ''(0:50:07)''====
The Streets - ''It's Too Late (00:18:25)''
Karl's fed up and gives the Rockbusters answers.  Steve gives the prizes this week to a listener whose name and street he likes.  Tom's got a question about how to get rid of slugs, to which Karl advises putting stamps in his garden.  Karl knows how to outwit Derren Brown's trick about which hand the pound coin is in.  The final Educating Ricky is about rubbing bacon grease and brick dust on actor's faces. Karl's annoyed that he just bought a flat in Central London if he gets the MTV job in Camden.  Karl wants to do more than music on MTV and tries out a film review for The Elephant Man.


====6. [[Educating Karl]] ''(0:19:30)''====
====10. [[07 December 2002/Transcript#What a Great Day|What a Great Day]] ''(0:58:59)''====
Ricky and Steve present Karl with two made up stories to show his gullibility when reading internet material.  The stories were:
Ricky recaps the show, and Karl assures first-time listeners that it's normally better than today.   
 
1. Due to the Data Protection Act, companies are required to grind up all their silicon chips after use and some of these grains made their way to a bay in New England. Over time ''they'' began to notice that the crabs behaviour was changing and the crabs had taken on silicon and were starting to form geometric patterns. ''they'' decided to do some investigation and due to the way in which a crab's brain works they were able to draw out images from the crab's brain. As Ricky describes "you could release thousands of them onto enemy beaches and it would be like thousands of digital cameras". The story concludes with Ricky explaining to Karl that the baby crabs which came a few generations down the line had exactly the same memories as the original crabs.
 
2. An 8-and-a-half-month pregnant female body builder woke up one morning to find that her baby had been born (or as Ricky describes - "pushed itself out of her vagina") during the night without her noticing, the baby was very strong due to the hormones the woman had been taking and was pulling the woman down the bed using it's umbilical cord.
 
====7. [[Educating Ricky (Parts 1 & 2)]] ''(0:28:55)''====
The headlines are:<br>
1. ''Don't Rub It Too Hard You'll Get A Rasher''<br>
2. ''Enough Is An Anus''<br>
3. ''Wool It Like A Bloke Or A Woman''<br>
 
Oasis - ''The Indian Times (00:30:00)''
 
Ricky chooses ''Enough Is An Anus'' which refers to a palm reading "fella" who found success in reading the arses of people who were ashamed of their nails.  Karl also tells the story where he served biscuits and tea in an old peoples home for a day because he had nice hands and nails.
 
Radiohead - ''Let Down (00:34:37)''
 
Ricky chooses ''Wool It Like A Bloke Or A Woman'', which refers to research where scientists have found that there is somthing in ram's brains that make them gay or not.
 
====8. [[Letter From Richard Anderson]] ''(0:41:32)''====
Steve reads out Anderson's latest letter. "Ricky.  I think your show might be improving. That sense of dispair and lonliness I normally feel when I hear your show, doesn't seem so bad today."
 
Feeder - ''Just A Round Thing (00:41:56)''
 
====9. [[Fate In Karl's Life]] ''(0:42:30)''====
Karl's screentest is over, and says "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be".  Karl then tells of how most of his success has been unexpected, sighting him playing the drums at a Christmas concert in primary school as an example.
 
====10. [[Tricking Karl]] ''(0:46:20)''====
Ricky has another attempt at proving Karl's gullibility.  This time, at Jonnathan Ross's birthday party an illusionist did a trick that ended with a man having appendix surgery to remove his card.  Karl is having none of it, saying Ricky is crying wolf, and when Karl is a fireman he will not come to Ricky's house to put out the fire.
 
Ricky's last attempt at decieving Karl revolves around the saying "A Rolling Stone gathers no moss"Ricky says it began with Mick Jagger and Keith Richards never gathering their own weed.
 
The Undertones - ''Teenage Kicks (00:50:05)''
 
====11. [[Rockbusters Answers]] ''(0:50:15)''====
Karl is back with the answers for Rockbusters which are:
'''Led Zepplin''': That will never get off the ground.<br>
'''Herman's Hermits''': That woman has got a pair of her husband's gloves and a pair of her own.<br>
'''Longpigs''': You'll get a right load of bacon off them.<br>
 
The winner of Rockbusters asks Karl how to get rid of slugs, to which Karl replys "put some stamps in your garden", as slugs supposedly like stamp glue.
 
====12. [[Educating Ricky (Part 3)]] ''(0:52:48)''====
Lastly Karl expalins ''Don't Rub It Too Hard You'll Get A Rasher'' refers to the saying "hamming it up".  Apparently in the old days, people used to rub bacon and face bricks on their face in liue of make-up.
 
====13. [[Karl's Film Review]] ''(0:57:23)''====
To wrap up the show, Karl thinks as well as "Do We Need These?" he could do film reviews on MTV.  He then provides a demo review of his favourite film "The Elephant Man".
 
The Libertines - ''Time For Heroes (00:59:06)''


==Quotes==
==Quotes==
KP: ''Bison.  The wierdest looking thing you've ever seen. (17:55)''<br>
'''Karl''': Don't get down if your eyes are bad.<br><br>
KP: ''Don't worry it won't last. It might just be a splash in the pan. (34:30)''<br>
'''Karl''': (on ''The Elephant Man'') The first time you watch it you'll probably cry a bit.  The second time you watch it you will probably think - boy that would be bad having a head like that being picked on - the third time you are probably thinking, er, how does he get his jumper on, er, then dunno probably bored of it the fourth time.  But, but it's well worth watching.<br>
KP: ''Phil Collins, next (34:36)''<br>
KP: ''Spark in the pan, or somthing. (45:25)''<br>
KP: ''Don't get down if your eyes are bad (49:48)''<br>
KP: ''The first time you watch it you'l probably cry a bit.  The second time you watch it you will probably think - boy that would be bad having a head like that being picked on - the third time you are probably thinking, er, how does he get his jumper on, er, then dunno probably bored of it the fourth time.  But, but it's well worth watching. (58:16)''<br>


==Trivia==
==Rockbusters==
That'll never get off the ground. <span title="Led Zeppelin" style="color: red" id=title>L.Z.</span><br>
That woman's got her husband's gloves, and a pair of her own. <span title="Herman's Hermits" style="color: red" id=title>H.H.</span><br>
You'll get a right load of bacon off them.  <span title="Longpigs" style="color: red" id=title>L.</span><br>


==Playlist==
==Playlist==
Richard Ashcroft - ''Science of Silence'' <br>
Pixies - ''Debaser''<br>
Wu-Tang Clan - ''The Gravel Pit''<br>
[[David Bowie]] - ''Drive-In Saturday''<br>
Coldplay - ''In My Place''<br>
The Streets - ''It's Too Late''<br>
The Cure - ''Lovesong''<br>
Oasis - ''The Hindu Times''<br>
Radiohead - ''Let Down''<br>
The Hives - ''Hate To Say I Told You So''<br>
Feeder - ''Just The Way I'm Feeling''<br>
The Undertones - ''Teenage Kicks''<br>
The Libertines - ''Time For Heroes''<br>


==Extras==
==External Links==
* [http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wild-Weather-Complete-Donal-McIntyre/dp/B00006LSF3 Wild Weather on Amazon.co.uk]
* [http://youtube.com/watch?v=PxPLEhGzHMk YouTube audio clip - Woolit Like Fellas or Women?]
* [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1400865/Excuse-me-Miss-is-that-a-chameleon-on-your-head.html The woman with a lizard on her head]


==Download==
{{Xfm Box}}


==See Also==
[[Category:Episode Pages|2.16]]
*[[Xfm Series 0]]
*[[Xfm Series 2]]
*[[Xfm Series 3]]
*[[Xfm Series 4]]

Latest revision as of 11:09, 2 August 2020

Xfm Series 2
August 2002 - August 2003
List of episodes

Episodes:

  1. 24 August 2002 (Transcript)
  2. 31 August 2002 (Transcript)
  3. 07 September 2002 (Transcript)
  4. 14 September 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  5. 21 September 2002 (Transcript)
  6. 28 September 2002 (Transcript)
  7. 05 October 2002 (Transcript)
  8. 12 October 2002 (Transcript)
  9. 19 October 2002 (Transcript)
  10. 26 October 2002 (Transcript)
  11. 02 November 2002 (Transcript)
  12. 09 November 2002 (Transcript)
  13. 16 November 2002 (Transcript)
  14. 23 November 2002 (Transcript)
  15. 30 November 2002 (Transcript)
  16. 07 December 2002 (Transcript)
  17. 14 December 2002 (Transcript)
  18. 21 December 2002 (Transcript)
  19. 28 December 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  20. 04 January 2003 (Transcript)
  21. 11 January 2003 (Transcript)
  22. 18 January 2003 (Transcript)
  23. 25 January 2003 (Transcript)
  24. 01 February 2003 (Transcript)
  25. 08 February 2003 (Transcript)
  26. 15 February 2003 (Transcript)
  27. 22 February 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  28. 01 March 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  29. 08 March 2003 (Transcript)
  30. 15 March 2003 (Transcript)
  31. 22 March 2003 (Transcript)
  32. 29 March 2003 (Transcript)
  33. 05 April 2003 (Transcript)
  34. 12 April 2003 (Transcript)
  35. 19 April 2003 (Transcript)
  36. 26 April 2003 (Transcript)
  37. 03 May 2003 (Transcript)
  38. 10 May 2003 (Transcript)
  39. 17 May 2003 (Transcript)
  40. 31 May 2003 (Transcript)
  41. 07 June 2003 (Transcript)
  42. 14 June 2003 (Transcript)
  43. 21 June 2003 (Transcript)
  44. 28 June 2003
  45. 05 July 2003
  46. 12 July 2003
  47. 19 July 2003
  48. 26 July 2003
  49. 02 August 2003
  50. 09 August 2003
  51. 16 August 2003

07 December 2002 features Karl's screen test for MTV. Ricky and Steve 'educating' Karl, alongside the usual Educating Ricky, by reading him two fictional stories which demonstrates how gullible Karl is when reading internet material.

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 07 December 2002/Transcript.

1. They Won't Even Press Record (0:00:00)

Ricky gives Karl a hard time for being both nervous and complacent about his MTV screen test. On Good Friday 1930 there was no news.

2. A Good Way of Promoting This Show (0:02:32)

The boys play a Pixies song which was already played in the last half hour. Karl's been busy multitasking and doing his best, but Steve's not sure it's good enough. Ricky and Steve berate Karl for appearing on Zoe Ball's show throughout the past week. Karl has some new segments ideas: Celebrity Fact Club and Through The Rick-key Hole.

3. Win The Best of the Weather (0:06:36)

Steve runs through this week's Rockbusters prizes, which include the video "Wild Weather", and Karl gives the clues.

4. Do We Need These? (0:11:21)

Karl's mum writes in with her third attempt at writing Rockbusters clues, and we get a peek into the kind of chat Karl has with his parents. The Life of Mammals program on in the week gives Karl the idea for a show he could do on MTV, 'Do We Need These?', which would feature animals like whales and jellyfish and be interspersed with animal-themed music. Bison are the weirdest looking things you've ever seen.

5. Annoyed That They're Not True (0:18:24)

Karl's distracted because the MTV lady is there. Ricky and Steve present Karl with 2 pieces of "news" they've found in the week.

1. Due to the Data Protection Act, companies are required to grind up all their silicon chips after use and some of these grains made their way to a bay in New England. Over time they began to notice that the crabs behaviour was changing and the crabs had taken on silicon and were starting to form geometric patterns. They decided to do some investigation and due to the way in which a crab's brain works they were able to draw out images from the crab's brain. As Ricky describes "you could release thousands of them onto enemy beaches and it would be like thousands of digital cameras". The story concludes with Ricky explaining to Karl that the baby crabs which came a few generations down the line had exactly the same memories as the original crabs as well as memories from their own childhoods.
2. A 7-month pregnant female body builder woke up one morning to find that her baby had been born (or as Ricky describes - "pushed itself out of her vagina") during the night without her noticing, the baby was very strong due to the hormones the woman had been taking and was pulling the woman down the bed using it's umbilical Karl's incredulous that the baby could be pulling the mum along. He's heard a story about babies being born without intervention. Ricky reveals they've made up both the stories, and Steve suggests Karl might learn from this that he is a bit gullible. Karl's got his own Educating Ricky headlines, which did happen. The headlines are: Don't Rub It Too Hard You'll Get A Rasher, Enough Is Anus, and Wool It Like A Bloke Or A Woman?

6. There's a Bloke Who Reads Arses (0:30:55)

In case Karl gets put on VH1, he practices introducing a song by Genesis. Ricky chooses the anus story for his first Educating Ricky, which detours when Karl explains how he was picked to serve biscuits to old people when he was a kid, because he had good nails.

7. 1 in 10 Rams are Gay (0:34:40)

Karl's conflicted about trying to interview for MTV whilst doing his proper job. Maybe if he had "Zane" in his name it would help. Next Ricky chooses the wool headline, which refers to research where scientists have found that there is something in ram's brains that make them gay or not. Karl goes through some info that didn't make the top 3, including a woman who's boyfriend finally proposed and her hair fell out from the shock, and a woman who smuggled a lizard onto a plane by wearing it as a hat. An email has come in from Richard Anderson, in which he now seems desensitised to the show.

8. If Things Are Meant To Be, They'll Happen (0:42:05)

Karl's screen test is over, and he's resigned to the outcome. He's not prepared for promotions in the past, like in Little Donkey when he went down a storm. Maybe he doesn't want to be on the telly because of his dad's mocking him as a kid on stage. Karl doesn't think he has the look for VH1. In the week he learned the origin of the phrase "flash in the pan", which might be apt. Ricky tries to fake out Karl again with a story about a card trick Derren Brown did at Jonathan Ross's birthday, but Karl's not having it. Ricky and Steve mess with other trite sayings, to Karl's annoyance.

9. Tom Gibbon of Bloxhall Road (0:50:07)

Karl's fed up and gives the Rockbusters answers. Steve gives the prizes this week to a listener whose name and street he likes. Tom's got a question about how to get rid of slugs, to which Karl advises putting stamps in his garden. Karl knows how to outwit Derren Brown's trick about which hand the pound coin is in. The final Educating Ricky is about rubbing bacon grease and brick dust on actor's faces. Karl's annoyed that he just bought a flat in Central London if he gets the MTV job in Camden. Karl wants to do more than music on MTV and tries out a film review for The Elephant Man.

10. What a Great Day (0:58:59)

Ricky recaps the show, and Karl assures first-time listeners that it's normally better than today.

Quotes

Karl: Don't get down if your eyes are bad.

Karl: (on The Elephant Man) The first time you watch it you'll probably cry a bit. The second time you watch it you will probably think - boy that would be bad having a head like that being picked on - the third time you are probably thinking, er, how does he get his jumper on, er, then dunno probably bored of it the fourth time. But, but it's well worth watching.

Rockbusters

That'll never get off the ground. L.Z.
That woman's got her husband's gloves, and a pair of her own. H.H.
You'll get a right load of bacon off them. L.

Playlist

Richard Ashcroft - Science of Silence
Pixies - Debaser
Wu-Tang Clan - The Gravel Pit
David Bowie - Drive-In Saturday
Coldplay - In My Place
The Streets - It's Too Late
The Cure - Lovesong
Oasis - The Hindu Times
Radiohead - Let Down
The Hives - Hate To Say I Told You So
Feeder - Just The Way I'm Feeling
The Undertones - Teenage Kicks
The Libertines - Time For Heroes

External Links

Series 0   |   Series 1   |   Series 2   |   Series 3   |   Series 4
Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Others Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers
Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase
Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More...