11 January 2003/Transcript

This is a transcript of the 11 January 2003 episode, from Xfm Series 2

I Still Didn't Stop Workin

Song: Travis - Love Will Come Through

Ricky: Travis, "Love Will Come Through" on XFM 104.9, I'm Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant, Karl Pilkington, etc. I've got some, uh, great tunes, actually, lined up--

Steve: Excellent.

Ricky: I've brought in, uhh, some Aimee Mann, some, uh, Neil Young, I'm gonna play my favorite Clash track. What are you- what have you got for us, Steve?

Steve: I've got a dynamite, uh, hip hop tune--

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: By The Roots, which I think you'll enjoy.

Ricky: Lovely. Lovely.

Steve: Got a little bit of, uhh, Joni Mitchell, maybe swing that on later.

Ricky: Ooh, excellent.

Steve: And, umm--

Ricky: I nearly brought in some Joni Mitchell, it's a good job I didn't.

Steve: Yeah, exactly and I'm sure--

Ricky: It wouldn't of made any difference. It wouldn't have made any difference.

Steve: No, we- we'd of probably played yours and--

Ricky: Yeah. Yeah.

Steve: I'd of been told to--

Ricky: Fine.

Ricky and Steve: Go awayyy.

Steve: With the tune of my ear.

Ricky: Uh, Karl, what have you got lined up for us, as the producer?

Ricky Laughs Slightly

Karl: Right, well, uhh, "Rockbusters"--

Ricky: Been off this week again.

Steve: Has he?!

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Another week off?

Ricky: Another week off, yeah.

Karl: No, I didn't have a full week off, I had three days off--

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Because I was workin' all over Christmas.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: And, uhh, still didn't stop working, preparin' stuff.

Ricky and Steve Laugh Slightly

Karl: You've got a nice load of prizes there--

Steve: Yeah, givin' those away.

Karl: That I've sorted out. I had to come in here especially to sort that out.

Steve: Mm hmm.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Uhhm, "Rockbusters" will continue--

Steve: Did you rifle through the drawers up at Capital Gold instead of down here?

Karl: Yeh. Yeah. Uhh, "Rockbusters" - we're still doin' that.

Steve: Yeah.

Karl: Uhh--

Ricky: (Laughing) Yeah, you're biggin' it up.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: He's biggin' it up.

Ricky and Steve Chuckle

Ricky: (Lifeless Karl Impression) Still doin' that.

Karl: We've got that. Uhh, last week, ehmm, we sort of changed "Educating Ricky" a bit.... Ehm... just a little bit.

Steve: Don't say, "We". I don't want to be incriminated in it.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Well- well I "changed it" in the sense that rather than giving ya too much information about different things - it's hard to, sort of, keep it all in--

Ricky: Yeeeah.

Karl: I'm givin' ya, sort of, information on one thing. So last- last week--

Ricky: Yeah. No, cuz some of your stuff was a little bit too intense for me. Uh, my favorite story was, "There was a blind girl, she hit her head and got better", and I couldn't take all that in at once.

Karl: Yeah.

Steve Chuckles

Ricky: So, you really should ration some of the education.

Karl: Well we- we sort of start--

Steve: Wasn't last week, uh, war-related, uhh, stories?

Karl: Yeah, it was, uhh, "War Do You Think of That, Then?"

Steve: "War Do You Think of That, Then".

Ricky: Sure.

Karl: And it was three things--

Ricky: And it was the French, uh, battle cr- uh, goin' over the top was, "John's got a mustache".

Steve Laughs

Ricky: Which you think was ambiguous because someone might have said that anyway.

Karl: Well, look, you've remembered it. So it's working.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: So, we'll be doin' that and last week you said--

Ricky: Loads of French people have just gone to war, who are listening to this.

Steve: Yeah.

Karl: You, uhh- you said you wanted to learn some science this week--

Ricky: Did I?

Karl: So- yeah.

Steve Giggles

Karl: So- so, the title this week for that is: "A-cid I Would Sort You Some Science Out".

Steve Laughs

Ricky Laughs

Karl: "Acid"... "A-cid"... Because that's--

Steve: How long did that take you to come up with?

Ricky: Listen, right, no- people- people love Karl. There's comedians coming up to me and go, "Karl is the funniest man"--

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: They absolutely love him, right. But, I think we're only seeing half of it, right.

Steve: Mmm.

Ricky: If we can get him on television- his face, then, when he told me that title was like a child at Christmas.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: It was- it was- he was so proud of it, he was excited what I was gonna- it was brilliant.

Steve: It's a bit like when a child's drawn a picture in art class: you- you know you've got to stick it on the fridge--

Ricky: You've gotta- yeah.

Steve: But you basically think it's crap.

Ricky: Yeah. Yeah.

Steve: (Laughing Slightly) It's very much like that.

Ricky and Steve: (High Pitch) All right, Karl?

Karl: Is that good?

Ricky and Steve: Yes.

Karl: So, we'll be doing that--

Ricky Laughs Slightly

Karl: "Do We Need 'Em?"...

Steve: Mm hmm.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Uhm--

Ricky: Have you got another one?

Karl: We have got another one. Looking at, uhh, snails this week.

Ricky: Ah, yeah.

Steve: Do we need snails?

Karl: "Do We Need Snails?".

Steve: Because I know you're not a fan of snails, are you?

Karl: Well, after a bit of research, I found some good stuff ab- about, umm, like, they sleep for 13 years - some of 'em.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky Laughs Slightly

Karl: And that. So we'll be looking into that later--

Steve: Ricky, you tried that once, didn't you?

Ricky: (Chuckling) Yeah, I know, yeah.

Karl: We've got "Ritual"... "Ricktual".

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Which is something that I talk to you about--

Ricky: Last- yeah, well last week's was brilliant.

Karl: What was it?

Ricky: It's good to have a flat head in India.

Steve: (Laughing) It's good to have a flat head in India. I forgot all about that.

Ricky: That's brilliant. Yeah.

Karl: Uhh, and, uhh, that's about it. That's--

Ricky: Well I'm gonna- I'm gonna s- play one of my favorite Smith tracks--

Steve: Can I just, uhh- make a request though? I'd quite like - if you- if you've got time - to bring back, um - just for one week only - "White Van Karl".

Ricky: Sure.

Steve: Because there's some quite interesting topics this week.

Ricky: Oh, is there things happening in the world?

Steve: There's things happening.

Ricky: Cuz Karl doesn't think there is.

Steve: (Laughing Slightly) No.

Ricky: "There is a Light That Never Goes Out"

Song: The Smiths - There is a Light That Never Goes Out

Have You Ever Seen a Bald Pet?

As "There is a Light That Never Goes Out" fades out, a Slide Whistle is Playing Along

Ricky: What?

Steve Laughs

Ricky Laughs

Ricky: Uh--

Ricky Plays The Slide Whistle

Ricky: Someone's left one of those little things in here. It's brilliant, innit?!

Steve: It's amazing. What are they called, those things?

Slide Whistle "Up" Noise

Ricky: I just- I imagine there- just there I was thinking of being in the front row at a Morrissey concert and going, "I just- could I just play along?"

Ricky Plays Ridiculous Slide Whistle "Licks"

Steve Laughs

Ricky: They are brilliant.

Steve: I don't know what kind of sound that is!

Ricky: (Laughing) I don't know. It's only used for when Kenneth Williams...

Steve: (Laughing) Yeah, exactly.

Ricky: Sees someone undressing.

Ricky Plays an "Up" Sound on the Slide Whistle

Steve: (Laughing) Yeah.

Ricky: (Laughing) That's the only time that is used, that noise.

Steve: (Laughing) Exactly.

Ricky: That is brilliant.

Steve: It's like it was specially created for the "Carry On" films.

Ricky: (Laughing) Yeah. Yeah. "We need- I don't know what it is, but we need something when I walk in and see someone changing." "Well, what about this?"

Ricky Plays an "Up" Sound on the Slide Whistle

Steve Laughs

Ricky: "There is a Light That Never Goes Out" by The Smiths. Um, I phoned, uh, Karl up, in the week, yeah? And, uhh, I said, uhh, "What are you doin'?", he went, "Well, even though it's one of me days off, I'm just doin' some research on the web". He went, "Yeah I found a thing- I think I'm doing science". And then he said, "You can get wigs for dogs in Tokyo".

Steve: (Laughing) Right.

Ricky: That's his scientific fact. And I went, "What do you mean? You can get dogs- if they need a wig-", I said, "If they need a wig? What? Are dogs going bald?"

Steve Chuckles

Ricky: And he went, like this is fine to him- he went, "It's a stressful city, Tokyo."

Steve Laughs

Ricky: The world's all right with Karl. He's always got an explanation. I've only ever seen him confused once when, in Edinburgh, he looked his window one day and he saw a bloke putting a parking ticket on some rubbish.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: And that genuinely confused him.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: He couldn't work out- could ya?

Karl: It's a bit weird, innit?

Ricky Wheezes Laughter

Karl: But- for the--

Ricky: And the ba- and the woman breast feeding her 8 year old child didn't- you didn't like, did ya?

Karl: No, didn't like that. But, umm, the whatshername- animals with wigs, I kinda thought- after I put the phone down to you, I thought about it and thought, "Yeah, it is a bit daft, that."

Ricky: S- are you sure it's not the ageing pop group?

Karl: No--

Ricky: The Animals?

Karl: But when you think- have you ever seen, like, a bald pet?

Ricky: (Laughing Slightly) No.

Karl: Th- th- it's weird.

Ricky Cackles With Laughter

Ricky: (Laughing) What do you mean?!

Karl: Cuz me mam, ehm- we had a ca- we used to get through loads of cats cuz we lived on a--

Ricky and Steve Laugh Loudly

Ricky: (Laughing) OH GOD! He's starting early today, innit?!

Steve: (Laughing) What do you mean you got through a lot of cats?!

Ricky: (Laughing) It's only ten past one!

Steve: What were you doing?

Karl: Just cuz- cuz we lived o- no we lived on--

Steve: Running a restaurant?

Ricky Laughs

Ricky: (Laughing) Oh God, what do you mean???

Karl: No, we lived on, like, a main road.

Ricky: Oh, yeah.

Karl: Right?

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: So we used to get through a lot of 'em. Me dad kept saying, you know--

Ricky: It was their risk.

Karl: "Stop wasting money" - you know - "with- it's not good--"

Ricky: "Stop wasting money"! Not "wasting cats"!

Karl: Right, so, umm, anyway we had this cat that was ill all the time...

Steve: Mmm.

Karl: And uhh--

Steve: (Laughing Slightly) He's just a bag of nerves probably!

Ricky: (Laughing) Yeah. Malingerer. Yeah, "I'm terrified!"

Steve: "Go into which house?"

Ricky: Vroom! Vroom! (Laughing) "Oh God. Bloody hell." Vroom!

Karl: So--

Steve: D- don't let me go to the Pilkington's!

Ricky Laughs

Karl: And he- he- for some reason it kept being sick all the time.

Ricky Laughs

Steve: Yeah. That is nerves. That's definitely nerves.

Karl: So, me mam thought- kind of thought, "Oh, I've had enough of this" and she shaved it.

Ricky: WHAT! WHOA! Whoah whoahhh whoah whoah whoah whoah whoah whoah. Now I know- I know you're not vets, in your family, but what correlation did your mum think there was between it being sick and shaving it?

Karl: Because it kept being sick and it was a pain to wash because it kept getting, sort of--

Ricky: So she wanted a dry wipe cat.

Steve Chuckles

Karl: So--

Ricky: Why didn't she just varnish it?

Steve Laughs

Ricky: What ah--

Karl: It's weird- it's weird though.

Ricky: So now- so now he's cold and sick?

Karl: No but d- no, not- I mean, not all of it. She left, sort of, the back half but, sort of, from- from its waist, sort of t--

Ricky: (Laughing) I love that! Shaving cuz it's sick on itself!

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: (Laughing) That is genius!

Karl: And it's the weirdest looking thing. I mean, nor- normally I like cats, I'm always, like, giving yours a stroke on the head and that.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: As soon as she did that, it was like, "Oooh."

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky Laughs

Ricky: (Laughing) Poor thing!

Karl: Can't touch it. And then--

Ricky: So now it's sick, cold and hated!

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: I lo- I-I-I.... Karl!

Steve: It must've- I mean, other- the other cats must've been taking the mick out of it constantly. It's just making things worse. Did it get- I'm hoping that it got run over and was put out of its misery.

Karl: No, I think it- I think it got all right, that one... Or is that the-? Yeah, it did get run over.

Ricky and Steve Laugh

Karl: It did.

Ricky: Oh God! Awww.

Steve Chuckles

Ricky: Oh, dear.

Steve: (Laughing Slightly) How many cats do you say you got through?

Pause

Karl: I'd say when it- whilst I was livin' at home- I mean, it- it's still on the increase even though I'm not living there--

Ricky Giggles

Karl: So, I- whilst- whilst I was there - probably five.

Ricky Chuckles

Ricky: Oh God!

Steve: Yeah. Wow!

Ricky: Ohhh!

Karl: Yeah.

Steve: And were you upset each time or you just got used to it?

Karl: It's- it's one of them things, innit, like I've said before when you first see something it's a bit of a shock, do you know what I mean? It's like the Elephant Man or whatever--

Ricky Laughs Slightly

Steve: Yeah.

Karl: First time you see him it's that, sort of, "Oooh, look at that."

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Do you remember the first time you saw Steve? No, I'm not being funny. Do you remember the- about the first...

Karl: Yeah, but I've said this before - it's always- then you get used to how people look and you don't--

Ricky Wheezes With Laughter

Ricky: (Laughing) Steve's face!

Karl: No. No. D'ya--

Ricky: (Laughing) I'm gonna burst! I'm gonna- you have to play a record because I just- Steve's face!

Goldrush - Let You Down Begins To Play

Karl: No, but I've got used to it.

Ricky Continues Laughing

Steve: Shut up. Shut up.

Song: Goldrush - Let You Down

Hanging Out By Stacks of Office DVDs

Ricky: "Let You Down", Goldrush on XFM 104.9. Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant, Karl Pilkington. Brilliant. A--

Steve: Rick, I was in a- I don't know whether I should tell you this because it might rock you to the very core...

Ricky: Go on.

Steve: But I was in an Indian restaurant the other night and, uhh- I don't- you've not seen the film- have you seen the film "Notting Hill"?

Ricky: I haven't, no.

Steve: Right, in the film "Notting Hill"- have you seen that, Karl?

Karl: Yeah, yeah. I saw it.

Steve: Do you remember the bit- uh, Julia Roberts plays a- a movie star rather like Julia Roberts--

Ricky: She's the most famous movie- I yeah.

Steve: And she is in a restaurant having dinner with, uh, uhh, Hugh Grant and she overhears some people in the restaurant slagging her off and saying, you know--

Ricky: Ah, yeah.

Steve: She's a slapper probably, all actors are- all actresses are. And, uhh, she's, sort of, stewing on it and, uh, Hugh Grant wants to say something and she says, "No, I won't- I won't let you". And then as she's walking out, she goes and says something to them and of course their faces drop, they can't believe it's her. Anyway, I was in a Chin- you know, an Indian restaurant the other night and they were slagging you off, Rick.

Ricky: (Tsk Sound) Ohhh.

Steve: Well they were s- all they were saying is they were going, "Aw, Ricky Gervais. The thing about Ricky Gervais is: he's just like the character he plays"

Ricky: Right.

Steve: "He's just like David Brent in real life". Annd, I was listening in and I was thinking, "Well, I want to say something. I want to go over and have a word and say, you know, 'You're- you're partially right...'"

Ricky Laughs Slightly

Steve: But, uhh- but I couldn't- I didn't know what to do- I didn't know- I didn't know what to say. I- I couldn't- what could I do? I couldn't really go over there and get into a rumble--

Ricky: I want to say, "What do you mean that I'm like him?"

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: I use his face and his vocal chords--

Steve: Mm!

Ricky: But I mean, I- I can't help that. It--

Steve: But it's that thing as well of... I don't know where they've got this information from.

Ricky: But, I- kno- kno- kno- it's received--

Steve: Cuz you're not, so they're wrong.

Ricky: Well it's- it's- yeah- they've received it from somewhere or they've- they've read it or something, it- it's just- I- I- but I don't know- I mean, I can't really be annoyed with it, they're just wrong. It's--

Steve: But it was very weird like--

Ricky: It's- it's like being annoyed at a vicar believing in God, I can't get annoyed with him--

Steve: Mmm.

Ricky: I just don't believe...

Steve: But because obviously they didn't recognize me, it's rather like- you know when they talk about the idea that if you could go to your funeral--

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: What would people be saying about you?

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: It's the closest thing you could get to that.

Ricky: Well you--

Steve: You- you can hear what people are saying about your friends.

Ricky: But, why didn't you, um, g- get 'em 'round so you go- you go, "He is, yeah. What do you think of the other fella s- sometimes with him?"

Steve: (Laughing Slightly) Yeah.

Ricky: "That tall fella. He's good, isn't he?"

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: I know, yeah.

Steve: It's- it's a shame, actually, because, umm, on the occasions I do get recognized for my minor appearances, umm, I never get any cool fans, I just get the nerds. I get the real nerdlingers.

Ricky Laughs Slightly

Steve: I don't get, you know, beautiful women coming up--

Ricky: You're putting them off, though. You're putting them off. You've got to take what you can.

Steve: Well--

Ricky: You'll have nothing.

Steve: Now, I know but this girl came up to me the other day and she said, "Hey, are you that guy who's involved with 'The Office'?", I go, "Why, yes I am", she went, "My boyfriend loves you, he's over here", and she pointed him out--

Ricky: Aw.

Steve: I was devastated. I thought, "I'm in here".

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: There was nothing- there was nothing going on. But there was a guy who was in HMV and he was working with a till- been working with a till and he saw me, he said, "Will you sign this DVD?", I went, "Ah, no problem", he- and I said- I was trying to make conversation- trying to be frothy and I said to him, "Awww, selling well is it?", and he went, "It is, it is. Although we've had quite a lot of returns".

Ricky Explodes With Laughter

Steve: I said, "Well, don't tell me that! I don't need to know that!"

Ricky: What did he- what did he mean? That they didn't like it or that the--

Steve: And I said- I said, "What? People have been bringing them back?"--

Ricky: No, I think it's glitches.

Steve: He said, "They've been bringing them back", I said, "What was the problem?", he said, "They didn't really like it".

Ricky: No!

Steve: Yeah, "Some of 'em didn't really like it"!

Ricky: (High Pitched) You can get it back if you don't like it?

Steve: I know! I mean, I don't know whether they gave them their money back but certainly that's what he dealt with- that's what he'd encountered.

Ricky: Then he said, "We didn't give their money back, they just wanted to drop it off" "What, they didn't even want the money back?!"

Steve: (Laughing) Yeah. "They just wanted to get rid of it."

Ricky: Yeah, they didn't say--

Steve: "They really didn't want it in the house."

Ricky Cackles

Steve: "I don't want this rubbish in the house."

Ricky: Awwww, but we still get the money for it, do we?

Steve: We still get the money but do you know that- I told you that time--

Ricky: Brilliant. Brilliant.

Steve: Again, because I'm- people don't recognize me, I was in a record shop, there was a stack of Office videos, and this guy went by and I, sort of, heard them as they went by. He went, "Oooh, Office. Yeah, a lot of people- lot of people like that. I think it's shit", his mate went, "I agree".

Ricky: Really?!

Steve: And of course, again I was- what could I do? I couldn't say anything. I couldn't pipe up and say, "Well, that's sort of... a bit of an insult".

Ricky: (Laughing) What I like- I like these- the fact that you're always hearing these loud vocal--

Steve: Yeah!

Ricky Laughs

Steve: I mean, yeah these--

Ricky: (Laughing) That's great. What are the chances of two--

Steve: I don't--

Ricky: Pe- that's brilliant.

Steve: Maybe it's bec--

Ricky: Maybe everyone's always slagging it off.

Steve: But it is partly--

Ricky: That's it.

Steve: That's partly it but also because I keep stand- hanging out by stacks of Office DVDs.

Ricky Cackles

Steve Chuckles

Steve: (Laughing) Wearing a t-shirt with a picture of you and me on it.

Ricky Laughs Slightly

Ricky: (Laughing) Yeah, that'll do it.

Ricky: What have we got to play, Karl?

Karl: Something Steve wants.

Steve: Well, actually, um, I must dedicate this to, uh, someone who's emailed in. I mentioned earlier that I was going to play some of The Roots and Joe from Peterborough's very excited about that. So, uhh, this is not from the current Roots album, sadly, which I've not fully absorbed yet and therefore don't feel I can make a decision on which track to play but maybe that'll come up sometime in the future.

Ricky: That's the sort of effort and thought we put into our- you know, picking music.

Steve: Exactly.

Ricky: I had these cassettes still in my bag from last week.

Steve: (Laughing Slightly) Sure. Anyway, this is from the album "Things Fall Apart", it's The Roots featuring Erykah Badu "You Got Me". Let's play it.

Song: The Roots feat. Erykah Badu - You Got Me

Another Big Sell

Steve: Featuring Erykah Badu, that's The Roots and "You Got Me".

Ricky: Good, I like that one.

Steve: Yeah. You've enjoyed that.

Ricky: Yeah, I love it, yeah. Well it's, uhh- it's coming up to 1:30 and so it's time for "Rockbusters".

Steve Chuckles

Ricky: It's a structured show, it's a new leaf. This show, in the new year, is gonna be structured - set pieces, um, hittin' our marks, do you know what I mean, there'll be time checks, uh- uhh, weather checks--

Steve Laughs

Ricky: It's a bit cold out. Umm, if you're- if you're- if you're driving... careful and that.

Steve Giggles

Ricky: So... do the prizes--

Steve: Watch out for traffic, like, if it's bad.

Ricky: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Steve: Okay, well, again an abitrary selection of, uhh, goodies--

Ricky: WHAT are those politicians doin'?!

Steve Giggles

Steve: (Laughing) Is that "XFM News"?

Ricky Laughs

Ricky: (Laughing) Yeah.

Ricky Laughs

Ricky: Right, what have we got?

Steve: So, we've got, uhh, for those that are a fan of the movie "Donnie Darko" which a lot of people rave about this year, a sort of weird, teenage movie - then, uh, there's a sort of sweatshirt there.

Ricky: It is actually quite nice. Long sleeve t-shirt--

Steve: It's not bad at all. It's, uhh- it's medium, so if you- if you're a bit of a bloater, don't bother to apply unless you've got a friend or relative.

Ricky Coughs and Laughs

Steve: Umm, uhh, we've also got here, uhhm, a Graham Norton video, certificate 18...

Ricky: Oh, that's so- us--

Steve: Please don't phone up unless you're- sorry, don't email in unless you're above the age of 18.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Umm, and that's, I think, the best of his TV show...

Ricky: Yeh.

Steve: Look forward to that. Umm--

Ricky: It's a big stiff video, that, innit? It's a big stiff cock of a video. Ooh!

Steve: (Chuckling) Thanks very much.

Ricky: I meant...

Steve: You can't say- yeah. You meant the bird.

Ricky: Yeh.

Steve: Umm, there's also a--

Ricky Laughs Slightly

Steve: Fairly mediocre British wartime thriller, "Enigma", umm, which a lot of people r- r- it was hyped for a while but it's actually interminable - I've seen it.

Ricky Laughs

Steve: Umm, the, uhh, first series here of "The Kumars at No. 42" on DVD. Uh, I think that's award-winning, so, uhh, that's available as well. We've got two CDs by the look of it. We've got, uhh, Pulp's greatest hits which I don't think sold very well and so presumably they are giving that away.

Ricky Giggles

Steve: And Johnny Cash's, umm, current, uhh, album, uhh, "American IV: The Man Comes Around". There's some good cover versions there including--

Ricky: Again, another big sell. A big sell. We're really pushing this.

Steve: Uh, but it- it- yeah, it's a quite kooky, uhh- Johnny Cash here does covers of things including "Personal Jesus"--

Ricky: Oh, right.

Steve: By Depeche Mode--

Ricky: Depeche Mode, yeah.

Steve: Uh, we've got "Bridge Over Troubled Water", his version of that.

Ricky Laughs Slightly

Steve: "Desperado" and- anyway, it's not bad. That's probably the best treat in that bunch--

Ricky: Right--

Steve: And, uhm, I'm assuming there's some questions there, Karl, are there?

Karl: Yeah. Yeah.

Ricky: Right, here we go.

Karl: Uh, if you're a new listener, the way it works - I give ya a cryptic clue--

Ricky: Well...

Karl: And some initials and it sort of makes up a band--

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Uhmm, makes more sense when you hear it, I reckon.

Steve: Not particularly.

Ricky: Well, not really. Although, people do get it. I just worry about the- the state of our listeners.

Steve Laughs Slightly

Ricky: Go on.

Karl: Right, so there's three of 'em, you email in [email protected]

Ricky: It's email only--

Karl: Email only.

Ricky: I repeat: it is email only. We're not gonna have that--

Steve: We are too lazy to answer the phone!

Ricky Laughs

Ricky: (Laughing) Yeah!

Karl: Okay--

Ricky: Right.

Karl: Here we go then. Number One: uhm- there's- there's normally two easy ones and a difficult one.

Ricky: Sure.

Karl: So, here we go... Uhh, Number One: "Don't argue with him, he ain't gonna change his mind."

Steve: "Don't argue with him, he aint gonna change his mind."

Karl: Yeah, that's AA.

Steve: AA.

Karl: That's- yeah. So, that's the first one.

Steve: "Don't argue with him, he ain't gonna change his mind."

Karl: UHHHM...

Long Pause

Steve: What do you mean, "Uhm"?! You've presumably got them written out, haven't you?!

Karl: Just- just- I'm just thinkin' about... what the answer is because I didn't write the answer down to this one.

Ricky: Oh for G-!

Steve Laughs

Ricky: Don't worry, they'll get it.

Karl: Mmmm.

Ricky: Yeah, don't worry.

Karl: Well, ehhm--

Steve: What do you mean? You can't remember it? You came up with it. There's only three!

Karl: I know, I know it's weird, innit?

Steve Laughs

Ricky: No, it's not weird, it's incompetent.

Ricky and Steve Laugh

Karl: Right, the second one, anyway, I hope you get this... Ehhm--

Steve: (Laughing) "I hope you get this."

Ricky Laughs

Steve: Email in and tell us the answer!

Ricky: This is a shambles, innit.

Karl: Hang on a minute!

Steve: Go on, keep going.

Ricky: Go on.

Karl: "He always gets what he wants and doesn't worry about anyone else." - P.

Pause

Steve: (Laughing) And--

Ricky and Steve: --you don't know who that is?

Karl: It'll- I'm sure- it'll come to me once I see it on email if- I know--

Ricky: What do you mean?! Once they get it you'll agree with them?

Karl: I'll know if it's the one I had down as the answer.

Ricky: This is brilliant--

Karl: Come on, it's the--

Ricky: Imagine Jeremy Paxman doing that, going--

Steve: Yeah, "University Challenge".

Ricky: "Is that right?" Go on.

Steve Laughs Slightly

Karl: Right, so, uhh, that's that one--

Steve: Give us that one again.

Karl: Uhm, "He always gets what he wants and doesn't worry about anyone else." - P.

Steve: But you're confused!... I don't understand how you can be confused.

Pause

Karl: Yeah.

Ricky and Steve Laugh Loudly

Steve: All right, what's the final one?

Karl: The thir- the third one, uhh--

Ricky: Right.

Karl: "I'll have to put that woman in the oven." And that's AB.

Steve: All right, quickly give us them again.

Karl: Right, so the first one: "Don't argue with him, he ain't- he ain't gonna change his mind." That's AA. Uhhmm--

Ricky Sighs

Karl: "He always gets what he wants and doesn't worry about anyone else." That's P. And, uhhm, "I'll have to put that woman in the oven." - AB.

Steve: All right.

Ricky: Okay.

Steve: [email protected].

Ricky: I'm gonna play a classic track now by--

Steve: I look forward to it.

Ricky: Neil Young, "Alabama".

Steve: Aww.

Ricky: It's beautiful.

Steve: Beautiful.

Song: Neil Young - Alabama