17 January 2004

Xfm Series 3 November 2003 - January 2004 List of episodes

Episodes: 01 November 2003 08 November 2003 (Transcript) 15 November 2003 (Transcript) 22 November 2003 (Transcript) 29 November 2003 (Transcript) 06 December 2003 (Transcript) 13 December 2003 20 December 2003 27 December 2003 ('Best of') 03 January 2004 (Transcript) 10 January 2004 17 January 2004 (Transcript)

17 January 2004 was the twelfth and final episode of Xfm Series 3.

Track Listing

1. "I've Never Kept a Diary"

Ricky relays a bit of conversation they had when Ricky came in that morning. Karl wanted to know if Ricky had seen "that Alan Clark Diaries" because, as Karl concludes, keeping a diary will always get you into trouble. Ricky mentions Anne Frank and Karl inquires "the woman in the cupboard?". After Steve and Ricky force Karl to confess his ignorance on air, they explain a little more about who she was but Karl still doesn't think much of Anne (Karl is on a first-name basis with her) as she got caught. For once, Karl is right when he decides to leave it because it might be dodgy material. Karl continues his thoughts on diaries, and Steve and Ricky speculate what Karl's diary might be like, mentioning his Dave Hill from Slade comment about Suzanne's haircut. Karl concludes that diaries were a way to pass the time in prior generations but has now been replaced by modern devices like the iPod. Ricky suggests "The iPod of Anne Frank".

2. Proclaimers

Matt Lucas of Little Britain[1] fame is listening in; Lucas spoke with Ricky earlier and revealed that his favorite band is The Proclaimers[2] Ricky and Steve are both stunned that anyone could be enthused about the band, citing their singing in Scottish accents as their best feature.

3. On Hubbard: Debunking Nursery Rhymes

Reminded of cupboards, Ricky mentions the Mother Hubbard rhyme. Ricky pukes up some of his "weak observations, poorly performed" (see Animals) on Humpty Dumpty, this time playing out the material in two person format with Steve.

Continuing "Educating Ricky" (00:51:30)

“Werthers' a Will, There's a Way”: Karl says that there's a new drug, either a tab or an injection, “which means an eighty year old woman can have a kid”. Ricky interrupts to encourage listeners to phone in and demand that Karl kiss Ricky's nipple. For the final headline, “Hook, Line, and Good Thinkers”, Karl says, “They're makin' loads of fish with two heads”. Ricky suggests that Karl should have two heads, and Karl wonders if that would enable him to “do two shifts” of work. Karl says he thinks this scientific venture is because there's a fish shortage; Ricky says that wouldn't work because the head is the part you throw away, but Karl continues with the problem at hand saying “when they do a head count, what do they do?”.

Radio Free Lick Nipple

The phone lines are opened to listeners for nipple kissing encouragement. Karl keeps hanging up on the calling listeners, and must be told to be nice. The first caller wants to talk about a human monkey and would easily kiss Ricky's nipple for 500 quid, and then advises Karl to simply ask Ricky for more money. The next caller, Linda, suggests that Karl lick the nipple, but Karl dismisses it and quickly cuts to ads.

Quotes

Ricky: Tell us everything you know about Anne Frank.
Karl: Uh.... she was in a cupboard.
Ricky: (laughing) Yeah. What else?
Karl: If she didn't do that, I wouldn't know about her, seriously. That's all I know about her.

Ricky: She wasn't in a cupboard; she was in an attic.
Karl: Alright.... so what was she doing?
Steve: Tidying up.
Ricky: She was hiding from the Nazis.
Karl: But isn't that the first place they'd look? Sort of... work from the top down.

Steve:The thing with Hubbard is - funny you just briefly mentioned Hubbard...

Ricky: Phone in if you wanna speak to Karl, get him to kiss a little nipple.

Regarding Ricky's Nipple
Steve: What would make your day, Linda?
Linda (On Phone): If Karl actually gave it a lick, not just a kiss.

Rockbusters

Jamaican fella wrote a review for Phoenix Nights. D.C.
We should all vote for Paul Daniels, David Blaine, Copperfield, Great Suprendo, and Tommy Cooper and Darren Brown. E.S.
Steve, what did your dad do? (coulda been anyone's dad) E

Playlist

Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Fortune Faded
The Thorns - I Can't Remember
Travis - Writing to Reach You
Delays - Long Time Coming
Jimmy Webb - Galveston
Faith No More - I'm Easy (Cover)
Coldplay - Warning Sign
Ash - Burn Baby Burn
Ryan Adams - So Alive
Neil Young - After The Gold Rush
Kings of Leon - California Waiting
The Cure - Pictures of You
Aimee Mann - Red Vines

External Links

• More info on this episode from Xfm.co.uk