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Xmas special
{{Template:Infobox_Xfm_Series_2}}


Karl's in a bad mood because he had a bad time last week, he didn't buy his girlfriend's dad anything for his birthday and got a joint birthday and Xmas card. He's not buying her anything for Xmas because he's taking her out for dinner at Xmas.
==Track Listing==
<br>Pretenders - "2000 Miles"
{|width=65% style="border-spacing:8px;margin:0px -8px"
<br>Vote for your favourite parts for next week's Best Of. Channel 4 have ripped off Rockbusters. Richard Anderson e-mail: "I've got to attend some family Xmas nonsense at Aunty Marion's house."
!{{sectionhead|#EEEEEE|#AAAAAA|left|''For a full transcript of this episode see [[21 December 2002/Transcript]].''}}
<br>Badly Drawn Boy - "Donna And Blitzen"  
|- 
<br>Karl's Xmas memories: his drunken brother broke his trainset and he bought his mum a Victoria Plum and she thought it was "bloody awful..." "...so that's why I don't get anyone anything anymore."
|
|}


<br>Athlete - ""
====1. [[21 December 2002/Transcript#Karl's in a Bad Mood Already|Karl's in a Bad Mood Already]] ''(0:00:00)''====
<br>Goldrush - "I Let You Down"
Karl's grumpy because he didn't enjoy last week off.  It was [[Suzanne]]'s [[Suzanne's Parents|dad]]'s birthday and Karl's gift was a Christmas card and paying for the cab to and from the restaurant. Ricky demonstrates his Northern accent whilst imitating Mr Whiston.  Karl's gift to Suzanne is meant to be dinner out but Steve shames him into considering a last-minute purchase.


More of Karl's Xmas memories: his parents' parties where the whole estate came, Karl found a cigar and tried it. Steve's grandparents are waiting to die.
====2. [[21 December 2002/Transcript#Christmas at Auntie Marian's|Christmas at Auntie Marian's]] ''(0:03:38)''====
Next week is a best-of, which will likely be mostly Karl.  There's only 2 installments of [[Educating Ricky]] this week because it's a bit of a struggle finding stuff.  Karl has a new feature, however, and introduces [[Do We Need 'Em?]]  Channel 4 has ripped off [[Rockbusters]] to which Ricky and Steve are dumbfounded.  [[Richard Anderson]] has emailed in again today with another biting quip. A listener sends Karl some biscuits and Steve suggests Karl uses those for Suzanne's gift.


<br>Teenage Fanclub - "Christmas Eve"
====3. [[21 December 2002/Transcript#When I Was About Seven I Enjoyed It|When I Was About Seven I Enjoyed It]] ''(0:07:34)''====
Karl's got some more tragic stories about his past Christmases, including that [[Karl's Dad|his dad]] used to stay in bed,  he was banished to his room from 6pm on because of his parents' big Christmas parties, and [[Karl's Brother|his brother]] broke his train set on Christmas day.  Karl also talks about the year he bought [[Karl's Mam|his mum]] a [[Victoria Plum]] doll that she didn't like.  So now Karl doesn't buy presents anymore.


<br>Ross Noble sent Karl a picture from "Bizarre": kid with a big head. Karl went to see The Christians in concert and his dad was worried, Karl's mum told him not to tell anyone he's not christened as there's witches and stuff - "she was worried about when you were naive and stupid and easily-led"
====4. [[21 December 2002/Transcript#This Isn't a Nice Show At All|This Isn't a Nice Show At All]] ''(0:12:41)''====
<br>Rockbusters non-Xmas special which Karl has cleverly tweaked because Heat magazine said it might be a special Xams edition: <br>"there's a load of letters there asking for advice, put them on Claire's desk - oh, and have a good Christmas" - F
Ricky is quite affected by the Victoria Plum story, but Steve think it's just an excuse.  This year Karl has given his parents some money to buy passports.  Steve shows some passport ignorance which will later come back to haunt him. Karl talks about more gifts he used to give his parents, like a dressing gown with a cigar in the pocket.  Once Karl sneaked a cigar smoke on Boxing Day morning and he never smoked again.  Steve talks about [[Steve's Grandparents|his grandparents]] again and how 20 years ago his grandmother wanted to give [[Ron Merchant|his dad]] Steve's grandfather's overcoat once he dies, but he's still alive.
<br>"Ask yer mam if you should, after you've wrapped the presents" - S
<br>"A couple of people were arguing in the supermarket at the fruit and veg counter and it's busy in there because it's Christmas" - B


<br>? - "?"
====5. [[21 December 2002/Transcript#I Like the Idea of It|I Like the Idea of It]] ''(0:19:11)''====
Steve's not sure Karl has ever experienced the magic of Christmas.  Ross Noble has given them a picture to show Karl of a big-headed lad.  As usual, this leads to a brief mention of [[Forrest Gump In A Wheelie Bin|Karl's dad putting a kid in a wheelie bin]].  Karl is not christened and his mum used to tell him not to tell people because there are witches.  Can Ricky and Steve be ghosts of Karl's past? Steve reads off this week's [[Rockbusters]] prizes which are a bit better than the [[Competition_Prizes|usual tat]], including a White Stripes album and a James Caan movie.


The toilet doesn't work/using disabled toilets/giving directions... "I need some blood"
====6. [[21 December 2002/Transcript#I've Cleverly Tweaked Them|I've Cleverly Tweaked Them]] ''(0:25:05)''====
''Heat'' Magazine wondered if there would be a Christmas edition of Rockbusters so Karl has made them into Christmas clues. Sort of. [[That's Rickydiculous]] isn't starting yet because Ricky couldn't be bothered, and Karl almost swears.


<br>The Pogues feat. Kirsty MacColl- "Fairytale Of New York"
====7. [[21 December 2002/Transcript#I'm After Some Blood|I'm After Some Blood]] ''(0:29:03)''====
The disabled toilet at the station doesn't flush but Karl knows how to remedy it. Steve has another toilet-related story about how he sometimes inadvertently keeps disabled people waiting while he uses their toilets in a shop.  When people ask him for directions, Steve pretends to be foreign.  Karl recently was asked directions for a man who was needed some blood.  Karl has a new feature called Pilkington, a.k.a. Do We Need 'Em. 


Canned Laughter for Denis Norden
====8. [[21 December 2002/Transcript#Pilkington|Pilkington]] ''(0:34:08)''====
<br>"Pilkington: Do We Need 'Em?" 1: Jellyfish, with Vicky in an aquarium in Angelsey
People are calling and writing in with what they want to hear for the best-of next week.  Ricky thinks they can do [http://www.pilkipedia.co.uk/wiki/index.php?title=06_April_2002#8._The_Horse_in_the_House_-_part_1_.280:37:06.29|The Horse in the House] again because Denis Norden would. Kirsty's Home Videos and the Flintstones both have audience laughter.
Karl wants to do some listener research on the animals he's looking at - vote "yes" if we can get rid of them and "Noah" to keep them. Karl plays his phone interview with Vicky from an aquarium who declares that we do indeed need to keep jellyfish.  Karl thinks turtles can eat other food if we get rid of jellyfish, because if Suzanne isn't home for dinner and he doesn't get an Indian, he'll get a Chinese.   


<br>Feeder - "Just The Way I'm Feeling"  
====9. [[21 December 2002/Transcript#I Like Learnin|I Like Learnin]] ''(0:43:11)''====
Karl's mum likes gnomes, fairies, and Indians.  Karl missed a TV program last night about little fellas without legs who steal cars.  Ricky recounts all the Educating Ricky topics he can remember.  The headlines this week are "Oh What a Cat-Toe-Strophe" and "You'd Think It'd be Bug-Head, Wouldn't It" New listeners will be surprised to hear how much they talk about about animals without heads.  Karl speculates on body part replacement in the future.


Victoria Plum. Documentary about fellas with no legs nicking cars. Educating Ricky: "Well, You'd Think It Be Bug-Head, Wouldn't You?" "We've talked a lot about animals without heads..."
====10. [[21 December 2002/Transcript#The Worst Piece of Tat I've Ever Seen|The Worst Piece of Tat I've Ever Seen]] ''(0:51:01)''====
A listener sends in an eBay link for Victoria Plum. Karl does the 2nd Educating Ricky topic about the cat with 27 toes. Are there other disabilities that are actually abilities?  Karl thinks at least disabled people have toilets with "multi-gym facilities" and [[the Elephant Man]] wouldn't worry about his hair.


<br>Mark Eitzel - "Snowbird"  
====11. [[21 December 2002/Transcript#Merry Christmas Karl|Merry Christmas Karl]] ''(0:58:32)''====
Steve's got Karl some champagne for Christmas and Ricky will give him his gift Christmas day as they'll be together.  Karl gives the Rockbusters answers which quickly turns Ricky's mood to obscenities.  Who says to their mum "Smashing pumpkins"?  Ricky and Steve end the show with a little kiss for Karl.


A Victoria Plum on eBay. Educating Ricky: "Ooh, What A Cat-Toes-Trophe": a cat had too many toes and was really good in the snow - are disabilities all bad? Look on the bright side!  
==Quotes==
'''Ricky''': I love the fact that you’ve got an expert, and then suggest that she’s gonna be having sex with Noah!


<br>John Lennon - "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)"


Presents for Karl: Champagne Rockbusters answers: Foreigner - "that is shit" - Shalamar, Bananarama - "What group is 'Bananadrama'? You're a fool! You're a twat!" Steve tries to kiss Karl
'''Karl''': The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’ <br>
'''Ricky''': Neither do you!


<br>Joni Mitchell - "River"
==Rockbusters==
There's a load of letters there asking for advice - put them on Claire's desk.  Oh and, have a good Christmas. <span title="Foreigner" style="color: red" id=title>F.</span><br> 
Ask your mam if you should, after you've wrapped the presents. <span title="Shalimar" style="color: red" id=title>S.</span><br>
A couple of people were arguing in the supermarket at the fruit and veg counter, but it's busy in there because it's Christmas. <span title="Bananarama" style="color: red" id=title>B.</span><br>
 
==Playlist==
Eminem - ''Lose Yourself''
<br>Pretenders - ''2000 Miles''
<br>Badly Drawn Boy - ''Donna and Blitzen''
<br>Athlete - ''You Got the Style''
<br>Goldrush - ''Let You Down''
<br>Teenage Fanclub - ''Christmas Eve''
<br>Supergrass - "Seen the Light"
<br>The Pogues feat. Kirsty MacColl- ''Fairytale of New York''
<br>Feeder - ''Just The Way I'm Feeling''
<br>Mark Eitzel - ''Snowbird''
<br>John Lennon - ''Happy Xmas (War Is Over)''
<br>Joni Mitchell - ''River''
 
==External Links==
* [http://search.ebay.co.uk/search/search.dll?from=R40&_trksid=m37&satitle=victoria+plum Victoria Plum on eBay]
* [http://www.messybeast.com/poly-cats2.html The cat with 27 toes and other polydactyl felines]


{{Xfm Box}}
{{Xfm Box}}
[[Category:Episode Pages|2.18]]

Latest revision as of 23:29, 27 April 2021

Xfm Series 2
August 2002 - August 2003
List of episodes

Episodes:

  1. 24 August 2002 (Transcript)
  2. 31 August 2002 (Transcript)
  3. 07 September 2002 (Transcript)
  4. 14 September 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  5. 21 September 2002 (Transcript)
  6. 28 September 2002 (Transcript)
  7. 05 October 2002 (Transcript)
  8. 12 October 2002 (Transcript)
  9. 19 October 2002 (Transcript)
  10. 26 October 2002 (Transcript)
  11. 02 November 2002 (Transcript)
  12. 09 November 2002 (Transcript)
  13. 16 November 2002 (Transcript)
  14. 23 November 2002 (Transcript)
  15. 30 November 2002 (Transcript)
  16. 07 December 2002 (Transcript)
  17. 14 December 2002 (Transcript)
  18. 21 December 2002 (Transcript)
  19. 28 December 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  20. 04 January 2003 (Transcript)
  21. 11 January 2003 (Transcript)
  22. 18 January 2003 (Transcript)
  23. 25 January 2003 (Transcript)
  24. 01 February 2003 (Transcript)
  25. 08 February 2003 (Transcript)
  26. 15 February 2003 (Transcript)
  27. 22 February 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  28. 01 March 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of')
  29. 08 March 2003 (Transcript)
  30. 15 March 2003 (Transcript)
  31. 22 March 2003 (Transcript)
  32. 29 March 2003 (Transcript)
  33. 05 April 2003 (Transcript)
  34. 12 April 2003 (Transcript)
  35. 19 April 2003 (Transcript)
  36. 26 April 2003 (Transcript)
  37. 03 May 2003 (Transcript)
  38. 10 May 2003 (Transcript)
  39. 17 May 2003 (Transcript)
  40. 31 May 2003 (Transcript)
  41. 07 June 2003 (Transcript)
  42. 14 June 2003 (Transcript)
  43. 21 June 2003 (Transcript)
  44. 28 June 2003
  45. 05 July 2003
  46. 12 July 2003
  47. 19 July 2003
  48. 26 July 2003
  49. 02 August 2003
  50. 09 August 2003
  51. 16 August 2003

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 21 December 2002/Transcript.

1. Karl's in a Bad Mood Already (0:00:00)

Karl's grumpy because he didn't enjoy last week off. It was Suzanne's dad's birthday and Karl's gift was a Christmas card and paying for the cab to and from the restaurant. Ricky demonstrates his Northern accent whilst imitating Mr Whiston. Karl's gift to Suzanne is meant to be dinner out but Steve shames him into considering a last-minute purchase.

2. Christmas at Auntie Marian's (0:03:38)

Next week is a best-of, which will likely be mostly Karl. There's only 2 installments of Educating Ricky this week because it's a bit of a struggle finding stuff. Karl has a new feature, however, and introduces Do We Need 'Em? Channel 4 has ripped off Rockbusters to which Ricky and Steve are dumbfounded. Richard Anderson has emailed in again today with another biting quip. A listener sends Karl some biscuits and Steve suggests Karl uses those for Suzanne's gift.

3. When I Was About Seven I Enjoyed It (0:07:34)

Karl's got some more tragic stories about his past Christmases, including that his dad used to stay in bed, he was banished to his room from 6pm on because of his parents' big Christmas parties, and his brother broke his train set on Christmas day. Karl also talks about the year he bought his mum a Victoria Plum doll that she didn't like. So now Karl doesn't buy presents anymore.

4. This Isn't a Nice Show At All (0:12:41)

Ricky is quite affected by the Victoria Plum story, but Steve think it's just an excuse. This year Karl has given his parents some money to buy passports. Steve shows some passport ignorance which will later come back to haunt him. Karl talks about more gifts he used to give his parents, like a dressing gown with a cigar in the pocket. Once Karl sneaked a cigar smoke on Boxing Day morning and he never smoked again. Steve talks about his grandparents again and how 20 years ago his grandmother wanted to give his dad Steve's grandfather's overcoat once he dies, but he's still alive.

5. I Like the Idea of It (0:19:11)

Steve's not sure Karl has ever experienced the magic of Christmas. Ross Noble has given them a picture to show Karl of a big-headed lad. As usual, this leads to a brief mention of Karl's dad putting a kid in a wheelie bin. Karl is not christened and his mum used to tell him not to tell people because there are witches. Can Ricky and Steve be ghosts of Karl's past? Steve reads off this week's Rockbusters prizes which are a bit better than the usual tat, including a White Stripes album and a James Caan movie.

6. I've Cleverly Tweaked Them (0:25:05)

Heat Magazine wondered if there would be a Christmas edition of Rockbusters so Karl has made them into Christmas clues. Sort of. That's Rickydiculous isn't starting yet because Ricky couldn't be bothered, and Karl almost swears.

7. I'm After Some Blood (0:29:03)

The disabled toilet at the station doesn't flush but Karl knows how to remedy it. Steve has another toilet-related story about how he sometimes inadvertently keeps disabled people waiting while he uses their toilets in a shop. When people ask him for directions, Steve pretends to be foreign. Karl recently was asked directions for a man who was needed some blood. Karl has a new feature called Pilkington, a.k.a. Do We Need 'Em.

8. Pilkington (0:34:08)

People are calling and writing in with what they want to hear for the best-of next week. Ricky thinks they can do Horse in the House again because Denis Norden would. Kirsty's Home Videos and the Flintstones both have audience laughter. Karl wants to do some listener research on the animals he's looking at - vote "yes" if we can get rid of them and "Noah" to keep them. Karl plays his phone interview with Vicky from an aquarium who declares that we do indeed need to keep jellyfish. Karl thinks turtles can eat other food if we get rid of jellyfish, because if Suzanne isn't home for dinner and he doesn't get an Indian, he'll get a Chinese.

9. I Like Learnin (0:43:11)

Karl's mum likes gnomes, fairies, and Indians. Karl missed a TV program last night about little fellas without legs who steal cars. Ricky recounts all the Educating Ricky topics he can remember. The headlines this week are "Oh What a Cat-Toe-Strophe" and "You'd Think It'd be Bug-Head, Wouldn't It" New listeners will be surprised to hear how much they talk about about animals without heads. Karl speculates on body part replacement in the future.

10. The Worst Piece of Tat I've Ever Seen (0:51:01)

A listener sends in an eBay link for Victoria Plum. Karl does the 2nd Educating Ricky topic about the cat with 27 toes. Are there other disabilities that are actually abilities? Karl thinks at least disabled people have toilets with "multi-gym facilities" and the Elephant Man wouldn't worry about his hair.

11. Merry Christmas Karl (0:58:32)

Steve's got Karl some champagne for Christmas and Ricky will give him his gift Christmas day as they'll be together. Karl gives the Rockbusters answers which quickly turns Ricky's mood to obscenities. Who says to their mum "Smashing pumpkins"? Ricky and Steve end the show with a little kiss for Karl.

Quotes

Ricky: I love the fact that you’ve got an expert, and then suggest that she’s gonna be having sex with Noah!


Karl: The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’
Ricky: Neither do you!

Rockbusters

There's a load of letters there asking for advice - put them on Claire's desk. Oh and, have a good Christmas. F.
Ask your mam if you should, after you've wrapped the presents. S.
A couple of people were arguing in the supermarket at the fruit and veg counter, but it's busy in there because it's Christmas. B.

Playlist

Eminem - Lose Yourself
Pretenders - 2000 Miles
Badly Drawn Boy - Donna and Blitzen
Athlete - You Got the Style
Goldrush - Let You Down
Teenage Fanclub - Christmas Eve
Supergrass - "Seen the Light"
The Pogues feat. Kirsty MacColl- Fairytale of New York
Feeder - Just The Way I'm Feeling
Mark Eitzel - Snowbird
John Lennon - Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
Joni Mitchell - River

External Links

Series 0   |   Series 1   |   Series 2   |   Series 3   |   Series 4
Presenters Ricky Gervais | Stephen Merchant | Karl Pilkington
Others Claire Sturgess | Ian Camfield | Simon Pegg | Nick Frost
Features Monkey News | Rockbusters | Song For The Ladies | Song For The Lovers
Hip-Hop Hooray | Cheap as Chimps | White Van Karl | Songs of Phrase
Cheeky Freak of the Week | Do We Need 'Em? | More...