21 June 2003

Xfm Series 2 August 2002 - August 2003 List of episodes

Episodes: 24 August 2002 (Transcript) 31 August 2002 (Transcript) 07 September 2002 (Transcript) 14 September 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of') 21 September 2002 (Transcript) 28 September 2002 (Transcript) 05 October 2002 (Transcript) 12 October 2002 (Transcript) 19 October 2002 (Transcript) 26 October 2002 (Transcript) 02 November 2002 (Transcript) 09 November 2002 (Transcript) 16 November 2002 (Transcript) 23 November 2002 (Transcript) 30 November 2002 (Transcript) 07 December 2002 (Transcript) 14 December 2002 (Transcript) 21 December 2002 (Transcript) 28 December 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of') 04 January 2003 (Transcript) 11 January 2003 (Transcript) 18 January 2003 (Transcript) 25 January 2003 (Transcript) 01 February 2003 (Transcript) 08 February 2003 (Transcript) 15 February 2003 (Transcript) 22 February 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of') 01 March 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of') 08 March 2003 (Transcript) 15 March 2003 (Transcript) 22 March 2003 (Transcript) 29 March 2003 (Transcript) 05 April 2003 (Transcript) 12 April 2003 (Transcript) 19 April 2003 (Transcript) 26 April 2003 (Transcript) 03 May 2003 (Transcript) 10 May 2003 (Transcript) 17 May 2003 (Transcript) 31 May 2003 (Transcript) 07 June 2003 (Transcript) 14 June 2003 (Transcript) 21 June 2003 (Transcript) 28 June 2003 05 July 2003 12 July 2003 19 July 2003 26 July 2003 02 August 2003 09 August 2003 16 August 2003

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Track Listing

Holiday in Cornwall

Karl's Holiday in Cornwall recap--he and Suzanne took Karl's parents there. Steve has a go at Karl and Karl goes straight back, to Ricky's amusement. Steve--in Cuba they'll do literally anything for a dollar. But he couldn't get a prostitute for 2. "I'm not made of money." Karl talks about the weird lady in Cornwall--"I bet she finds a lot of money." Karl doesn't think it was really a holiday but finally admits, "All right, it was a holiday!" Clogging up Karl's email...the listeners clogged up Ricky's and Steve's email instead.

Mission - abort - no chimps only wolly monkeys

The Monkey Sanctuary...they were on their way. Karl notices it has no chimps there, it was NO monkey world, and he stops the trip--ABORT! just like in the movie Armageddon. So they went to 'sort of an amusement place' instead. Karl is into tanks? "Well, they're all right." Karl's dad has a go at the 'bloater' family.....he wanted to follow them to the house of mirrors to see what they looked like. Karl's mum got a nice snow white figure for 2.99, couldn't believe her luck. Karl's dad wants to be buried in a bin bag, not a coffin. Then, a nice long discussion of the Trojan Horse story. Beware of Greeks bearing gifts "Will they say that in Greece as well" says Karl. Karl's dad told him two sayings that he recalled: "Don't try and teach your granny to suck eggs" and "Don't nudge your granny when she's having a shave." (especially if she's having a Brazilian!).

Rockbusters

Steve reads off this week's prizes, and Karl does Rockbusters, or tries to. Ricky guarantees Karl can't read the cryptic clues the same way each time. Rockbusters has a Jamaican fella again.

Train story - 2 million pounds worth of damage due to a pub break by a manc twat

Classic story then about Karl's dad as a train engineer apprentice--the conductor goes into the Pub, he has to move the train, he puts the brakes on late, he injures himself, gets three weeks paid time off, the conductor gets fired, 3-4 million pounds damage was done. Ricky--"I......love your family."

Crib and unlikely lust object

Karl can't play Crib with Suzanne and his Dad cause he cant count fast enough. So he does show prep on holiday by going thru one of Suzanne's magazines (Red). Swingers, women with crushes. And a women goes on about fancying STEVE--she has a list of "Unlikely Lust Objects." "Lanky Co-Writer" HAH! "well, we don't need to say anymore" says Karl. The lady emails the show later 'cause she was listening to the show, obviously a fan of the show and/or Steve. Steve wants to get a T-Shirt made about it -- UNLIKELY LUST OBJECT!. Karl talking about the gal..."I wouldn't waste my time."

Harry Potter - I want to punch his face

People cueing up for the new Harry Potter book, Ricky--"oh GOD it really annoys me." The fact that adults read it. And Steve notices the conversation after an hour and a half had not moved on between the people cued up. Ricky--"she made 300 million pounds writing a book for her kids, well done."

Happy Slapped by a Jellyfish and other Stories

Karl then tells how his mum wrote a story for him when he was young....the old 'rubbish' dog and the new little Labrador pup, and how the old rubbish dog ended up saving them both in the water cause the boy and the puppy couldnt swim.

Rockbusters answers

And now the Rockbusters answers--BF-- Buy on Ferrie (Bryan Ferry), D--Deli Meat Tree (Delameetree?), and a guy named Aiden emailed in "Dire Steaks"; and finally CD--Christ, Da-berg! (Chris DeBerg) Ricky--"And who's that!?" "You've put the nail in the coffin of Rockbusters" "I'm just gonna keep saying 'you're an idiot' "

Monkey News

And now Monkey News--Karl's Dad saves it by having great monkey stories. Karl's Dad had a mate who had a chimp. And he had to thump it in the head--for trying it on with his wife. Ricky nearly has a coronary laughing at this story. They talk about interviewing this mate of Karl's dad and editing out the swearing to air it on radio. I don't know if they ever got around to doing this. Don't think so.

*Monkey Bonus*

Karl has a bonus--another fellow his Dad knows, a 'drag artist'?, and a chimp answered the door when he went around. Then Ricky gives a new jingle--"Ooh, Chimpanzee That, Monkey News EXTRA." Karl's extra monkey news is about the chimps in the Amazon, the other tribe of the 'rough' chimps from the other side of the island (from the 'rough bit'), and the origin of the term "Monkey Business" A GREAT monkey news; a classic.

External Links

• More info on this episode from Xfm.co.uk