24 August 2002/Transcript

This is a transcript of the 24 August 2002 episode, from Xfm Series 2

A Licky Boom Boom Down

Steve: Oh, ho, hooooo.

Steve laughs

Ricky: That’s Feeder and “Come Back Around.” It’s a new leaf, Steve of - I’m goin' to, to, do properly now I’m not gonna be slufelin’, I’m sittin’ up straight you see-

Steve: Yep

Ricky: -and it’s jus’ gonna be a proper DJing, cos I figure… Coming up soon some great tracks including a new one from Abs and an old one from Snow “Infoooormer.”

Steve laughs

Steve mumbles incorrect lyrics to Snow “Informer”

Steve: A licky boom boom dooooown.

Ricky: I’m joking of course. We’ve got some fantastic tracks-

Steve: Good stuff, yeah

Ricky: -some great chat, we’ve got Karl who’s-

Steve: Some great chat.

Ricky: -Steve, I’m Ricky Gervais on Xfm 104.9.

Steve: There he is indeed with him Steve Merchant and uh Karl Pilkington of course. Say hello, Karl.

Karl: Alright.

Steve: Yeah, nice. And uh, you you say you were in-

Ricky: The beginning of a radio show is very much your wears, your shop window laying out your stall. I don’t think you can choose a better track than The Only Ones “Another Girl Another Planet.”

Steve: I’d love to hear it.

The Only Ones - Another Girl Another Planet

Croque-Monsieur

Ricky: One of my favourite intos, that.

Steve: Amazing.

Ricky: Oh that was dangerous. Cos I once heard on Capital radio, um, “This has got to be the greatest rock intro of all time,” and they played “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straights.

Steve: Brilliant.

Ricky: Yeah, I can just imagine them putting their head down-

Steve: I remember a friend of mine at uh, when I was at school, he he just bought a car and he took me outside to show off the stereo system. “Money for Nothing” just uh, just played that. I’d never heard the song before. Just played that for its entire 4 or 5 minute duration-

Ricky: It is a good song for uh

Steve: -to show off the uh sound system.

Ricky: Yeah it’s a good song for showing off intros and sound systems.

Steve: Exactly.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: You said you were driving along earlier you saw someone uh-

Ricky: Are you, are you uh yeah pl- yeah it was one of those souped up sort of um, uh, sporty saloons.

Steve: Nice.

Ricky: You know that people put out like a Mondale or something one of the big- and uh, it was blaring out and the bloke in it was sorta like- I could tell he was 24 but already going bald.

Steve: Ssss, yeah.

Ricky: From from like obviously his estate agency job.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: But he’s made a bit of money and he’s got uh, and the stereo system was ridiculous-

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: -I mean so loud and it was going through Common Garden. He was playing Snow “Informer.”

Steve: Ha. Awwww. I just, do people remember “Informer” by Snow? It was a big tune back in-

Ricky: I don’t. I don’t know. It’s, it’s great I, I always enjoy it.

Steve: Can I bring that in next week? Can we play Snow next week?

Ricky: No. We can play a tiny little bit of it.

Steve: Tiny little bit of Snow before-

Ricky: Yeah, I’m-

Steve: Do you remember Snow, Karl?

Karl: uh yeah uh loved it-

Steve: You know, a big tune

Ricky: Loved it. Oh did ya?

Steve: Big tune from the 90’s.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Happy song, innit?

Steve: Rick, you were saying that you’ve turned over a new leaf-

Ricky: Yeah, yeah.

Steve: Is that in all aspects of your life or is that just in your broadcasting career. Because uh, the reason I bring that up is because, do you wanna describe what you were eating just now when we came in? Cos you’re a forty- you’re a forty year old man and you’ve put on-

Ricky: No now listen-

Steve: -a little bit of weight so presumably you’re watching what you eat.

Ricky: Well, no but it sounded exotic-

Steve: Can I- go on.

Ricky: -I went into a café, and I didn’t- they didn’t have a cheese sandwich-

Steve: Right.

Ricky: And uh-

Steve: Can I describe what it looked like to me?

Ricky laughs

Steve: Right, it looked to me like a big slab of cheese you’ve just got them to just cut off a big block of cheese like the size of a CD case-

Ricky laughs

Steve: -that, one of those double albums, alright, of cheese, right. And just lightly melt that for me-

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: -so it drips over my hand and-

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: -it gets really greasy in the bag. But just lay some strips of bacon on the top.

Ricky: Yeah, but listen you’ve embarrassed yourself-

Steve: Is that what it was?

Ricky: No it’s a croque-monsieur so it’s French.

Steve: It’s a what?

Ricky: A croque-monsieur.

Steve: A croque-monsieur.

Ricky: Yeah, and so I got- I thought, ooo.

Steve: I’ve never heard of a croque-monsieur-

Ricky: You’re having a l- see you’ve embarrassed yourself.

Steve: Is that how it’s pronounced?

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Or is it croque-monsieur?

Pause

Steve: Oooooh.

Ricky laughs

Steve: Eh, eh? You didn’t expect me to be bringing out the French, eh?

Ricky laughs

Steve: Tu aimes la musique pop? Oui, Je t'aime la musique pop!

Ricky: La plume de ma tante.

Steve: Ou est le syndicat d'initiative?

Ricky: That means… my aunt’s pen.

Steve: So wh-what was it then, a croque- it was a croque-monsieur?

Ricky: Yeah, and it was just too greasy and it was just too- and it was all wobbly, I-I-I-I when I like toast I like it to be crisp.

Steve: Sure.

Ricky: It’s the thing with like, wh-wh- this is rubbish. Play Coldplay.

Coldplay - In My Place

Planes, Trains and Awfulmobiles

Ricky: Coldplay that’s alright, innit?

Steve: Yeah it’s not bad.

Ricky: Yeah. Nice, a nice little track. Well Steve, um, we’ve been away now for what 12, 13, 14 weeks.

Steve: Is it r-really?

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Wow.

Ricky: I just, been looking forward to coming back. It’s great, it’s great to be back.

Steve: Ha. Yep, yep.

Ricky: And, uh.

Steve: Yeah we’ve had uh some-some-some laughs some tears in the- in the interim, I imagine.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Uh, we’ve had a few ups and downs whilest we’ve been working on the, TV show The Office, BAFTA winning.

Ricky laughs

Steve: Uh, coming soon to BBC2. But uh we’ve-

Ricky: Thirteenth- thirteenth of September

Steve: But Rick I just need- I just want to mention something quickly to you. Um-

Ricky: Go on.

Steve: When did I last see you? I saw you yesterday, didn’t I?

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Um, cause we went up to Edinburgh yesterday we were- we were very nicely uh invited to go talk at the uh Edinburgh International Television Festival-

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: It was quite a big deal we went up there and we were interviewed and Ricky chose to go on the train cause it takes like 4. Is it 4 and a half hours or something on the train?

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: But it’s quite leisurely-

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: -it’s quite sort of gentlemanly thing to do.

Ricky: Yeah yeah.

Steve: I opted to go for the plane option, and fly up there.

Ricky: Yeah, more modern.

Steve: Exactly and they-they bankrolled that they paid for it all and-

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: -and that was all um very nice and as I recall when I last saw you uh, we got a cab didn’t we? And-and you asked if you could get the cab to drop you off at the train station.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: And they took me on to the airport.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Um, did I- now that was- that was before I- the last time I saw you was before I got to the airport and missed my flight wasn’t it?

Pause

Steve: Because I- because I had to drop you off in the center of town.

Ricky: That’s not true.

Steve: Yeah, tha- that was- so that was just before I had to pay a hundred and sixty five pounds to upgrade to another ticket.

Ricky: How did you not tell me that in the last hour?

Steve: A hundred and sixty five pounds, Ricky, I had to pay because we dropped you off at the train station. So I mean do you want to go halfs on that or what d’you wanna- how do you wanna deal with that- how d’you wanna sort that whole- that whole mess out?

Ricky: Why were you late?

Steve: Well, why was I late? Because we dropped you off in the center of Edinburgh and do you know how hard it is to get out of Edinburgh in rush hour traffic?

Ricky: But it was only- it was only 3 minutes away so you’d have missed it anyway.

Steve: No no because if we’d have gone the other direction it’d have been 20 minutes it took me like an hour to get to the tr- to the airport. And I got there and the plane had already left and the cabby was just laughing. He was saying, “We’re never gonna make it.” He goes, “You were a religious man you had better start praying.” I thought he was being facetious. He was absolutely right. A hundred and sixty five pounds.

Ricky: But hold on why didn’t he tell you that when he wh- when he picked us up, what at, quarter past four?

Steve: Well it makes you wonder. So obviously a lit- I’m a little bit annoyed. Cause you know I’m not a man who likes to sort of spend unnecessarily.

Ricky: But wait, but wh- this is not my fault cause you were there when we made that decision. I didn’t impose this on you we both decided that I’d i- it’s both our fault. I mean it’s n-no one’s fault

Steve: It’s both our fault it’s that- fair enough it’s all I wanted to hear. It’s both our fault therefore it’s both our financial obligation.

Ricky: No.

Steve: A hundred and sixty five pounds, just split that in half. Write a check, Rick, write a check, it’s fine I’ll-I- I trust you.

Ricky laughs

Steve: You know?

Ricky: Um phone in uh, I think everyone this-this is-

Steve: You’re clearly responsible.

Ricky: No of course I’m not. If you- if you share a cab and then one person’s lucky enough to not be late and one person is unlucky enough, and that’s what it is, bad luck, I don’t think you share the obligation.

Steve: How about this-

Ricky: It’s a- it’s a moral dilemma this, isn’t it?

Steve: But it’s more than that though isn’t it?

Ricky: Go on.

Steve: Because let’s be honest,

Ricky: What?

Steve: Um even if you have known that it- I was gonna get there late you’d have wanted me to hang around just so you weren’t left around waiting for a train like you were.

Ricky: No cause I got there-

Steve: Cause you get bored sitting there-

Ricky: No cause I’d have-

Steve: So you’d have wanted me at least go in that cab with you.

Ricky: I got there way too early. I actually got there about- I was there about thirty minutes early.

Steve: Oh so you made it fine then that was-

Ricky: Well exactly so I did, I’m-I- I sacrificed me hanging around for half an hour so you could get a quarter past 4. And the other thing is this: you were gonna get in at a quarter past 4 anyway.

Steve: Yeah but I would- if I’d gone the other direction, not dropped you off in the center I would have been there in time.

Ricky: Well would we, would we? Is that true?

Steve: Well yes.

Ricky: Well only God knows.

Steve: Well and the cabby.

Ricky sniggers.

Steve: what I’d mentioned it to.

Ricky laughs

Steve: So-

Ricky: I’ll tell you what’ll cheer you up. I’ll tell you what’s better than 80 quid. I’ll tell you what’s better than that, shall I?

Steve: Go on.

Ricky: Music.

Steve: What you paying the whole hundred and sixty five?

Ricky laughs

Ricky: Listen, no I’ve brought in a little track here um, Bruce Springsteen off the Tunnel of Love album and uh, I know you’re a Springsteen fan.

Steve: I’m a Springsteen fan we should just qualify this cause I know people who listen to Xfm obviously get a bit edgy about Springsteen.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: They just think he’s this old kind of ludicrous 80’s rocker, the bandana, you know, the fly and the flag, which he never really was.

Ricky: No that- no that was Bon Jovi.

Steve: Exactly.

Ricky: Don’t- don’t confuse them.

Steve: It is Bon Jovi. But seriously no, do you know what I mean he did write some great music in the 70’s.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: And he just got a little bit kind of pompous in the 80’s but he still turned out, uh some amazing tunes. One of which I imagine is this one, Rick.

Ricky: This one’s called “Brilliant Disguise.”

Bruce Springsteen - “Brilliant Disguise”