05 April 2003
The infamous "Burgers and Grapes Episode", in which Ricky forces Karl to make several bizarre record-breaking attempts and becomes enraged by his consistent failure.
|For a complete transcript of this episode see 05 April 2003/Transcript|
1. Karl Has Had a Little Strop On (0:00:00)
Karl turned up at 6:20 for a 6:00 meeting and Ricky and Steve are annoyed. They're binning Cheap as Chimps but Donal Mcintyre is doing it now.
2. I've Seen Most Parts of Your Body Now (0:05:01)
Steve thinks Ricky is more annoying now, maybe because of the hot weather. Some writing anecdotes about Ricky falling asleep in their office and taking his shirt off. Karl wants to do some more features and bought a copy of The Guinness Book of World Records. Karl doesn't want to work with Ricky anymore but Suzanne says they need a new kitchen. Steve annoys Karl in different ways. Karl saw a sign that said, "An Absurd Idea is Often a Great Idea" (Einstein). Karl vs. Steve.
3. You Can Be Sick On My Leg After (0:11:45)
Ricky wants Karl to stop being grumpy but neither he nor Steve are going to change. Karl wants to know how The Office ever got on telly. Songs of Phrase coming up. Ricky and Steve chat about annoying worlds records and Karl makes a proper joke. Ricky and Steve get the idea of making Karl try to beat the world record of burger stuffing.
4. Five Should Be Enough (0:19:16)
Steve's on the phone whilst at the McDonalds in Leicester Square. Five regular hamburgers costs £3.45 and the cashier wishes Karl good luck.
5. Burgers (0:20:59)
The burgers are now in-studio. Karl might have a wheat allergy but starts the attempt. The link ends with Ricky screaming and Steve taking the cheerleader role.
6. Me Head is Swelling a Bit (0:22:57)
Ricky is disappointed in Karl, who couldn't even get one whole burger in. Another attempt has Ricky in hysterics with laughing and yelling. Ricky and Steve show some compassion when Karl begins to get sick. Shall we try grapes?
7. Grapes (0:25:36)
The White Stripes album jumped twice. Karl attempts to beat Matt Hand, the UK grape stuffing champion. Karl has to push the button then immediately start stuffing.
8. I'm Not Happy With That (0:27:52)
Link opens with a distant Ricky yelling at Karl. Steve's annoyed that he's making Karl laugh. Karl finishes and was annoyed with Ricky standing over him, and with trying to produce a radio show whilst doing that. There are 88 grapes left. Karl defends himself and reminds them of the Mr Freeze incident. Ricky was reminded of Pac-Man. Discussion of board games that aren't necessary ("New from Mattel - a stick!").
9. It's a World Famous Phrase (0:33:00)
Steve reads off the prizes which include a T-shirt, a disc without a case, some DVDs, etc. Songs of Phrase this week is "My neighbour had a horse in a house". Steve thinks it's the end of Songs of Phrase.
10. Sorry, Paul Ince (0:37:02)
Karl slags off the tracks and Ricky continues knocking Karl down. Bubble from Big Brother failed. Ricky's and Steve have been annoying Karl and Karl kicks Steve off his pub quiz team. Steve's mad because he's taking the brunt of the anger when it was Ricky who Karl should be mad at. Ricky spits out tea on the Guinness book and finds the fastest coconut husker entry. Karl's mad about the tea.
11. This is the End of This (0:42:46)
Steve is disappointed about being off the pub quiz team, but he'd been planning a coup anyway. Ricky thinks Songs of Phrase is rubbish and gives Karl a hard time about the grapes again. Competition answers and winners. Time for Monkey News about a monkey couple who got married but haven't come back from their honeymoon yet. Ricky is livid while Steve stays calm.
12. If You Can be Bothered (0:48:47)
They're late but Ricky makes Karl play his Karl in a Film clip from Silence of the Lambs. There's a VHS copy available for the winner.
13. Sick of It (0:52:05)
This is not worth 30 quid for Karl. Film competition winner. Steve sides with Karl for once, but Karl won't let him back on the team.
Karl: I can't! I physically can't! Look... I'd have to be Jade Goody to get that in there!
Karl: That's got nothing to do with this though, this is my gameshow here! Bob Holness didn't say 'Yeah, Blockbusters is good but you never see him eating grapes'.
Steve: You always take it out on me! ... The truth of it is this, you know that Ricky Gervais is keeping you in burgers and grapes, metaphorically speaking ...
Steve: I actually felt that Ricky was out of order. He was discourteous, rude, aggressive, unpleasant - as one person e-mailed in, a dickhead. Someone else said you were fat and talentless.
Songs of Phrase
My Neighbour Had A Horse In A House
Lionel Ritchie - "My Destiny" (My)
Space - "Neighbourhood" (neighbour)
Harry Connick Jr. - "It Had To Be You" (had)
America - "A Horse With No Name" (a horse)
Lisa Stansfield - "In All The Right Places" (in)
The Animals - "House Of The Rising Run" (a house.)
Coldplay - Clocks
The Only Ones - Another Girl Another Planet
Ash - There's a Star
Rod Stewart - Maggie May
Eminem - Sing for the Moment
REM - Nightswimming
The White Stripes - 7 Nation Army
Blur - Song 2
The Roots - The Seed 2.0
New Order - Regret
Dandy Warhols -We Used to be Friends
Thin Lizzy - Waiting for an Alibi
Eve - Satisfaction
Oasis - Songbird