Dictionary of Karl Pilkington

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Karl has a unique way of speaking. Karl's idiolect is made up of old-fashioned sayings, Mancunian slang, and correct English that has been misspoken or misused. Below are examples of Karl's one-of-a-kind speech.

A

  • Ages ago - see years ago
  • 'Airy - hairy: 'airy Chinese kid
  • Alrigh' - hello / goodbye / how are you? / great / good / okay / not great. Sense is determined by tone and context.
  • Analogy - "sort of a little story told quickly"
  • An' tha' - usually meaningless, sometimes meaning etcetera.
  • Annoyed - any of various degrees of irritation. One of the very few feelings Karl identifies.
  • Antiduian - "Old", possibly from antediluvian
  • Aphrodite - Hermaphrodite
  • Apparently - a disjunct indicating that the concurrent sentence is almost certainly bollocks
  • Art - "something for your eyes to look at"
  • Atomic - "exploding": Exploding pet... that's Atomic Kitten

B

  • Baba - Babylon: Evertonians are from Everton, so Babylonians are from Baba.
  • Badder - worse: then it got a bit badder.
  • Blokage - manliness, signs that one is a man: When meeting a tranny, you should look for signs of blokage
  • Bom boms - bon bons.
  • Boo-boo - pooh-pooh: You've boo-booed the idea of...
  • Boswell - Roswell (New Mexico)
  • Bozwollocks - boswellox, not a good name for an ingredient according to Karl
  • Brain case - head, skull
  • Bum tube - enema, colonic irrigation: No bum tubes though.
  • Bungled in - bundled in: I don't wanna be bungled in
  • Bung on - put on: I'll bung a song on then

C

  • Chinese - Any oriental nationality
  • Clackering - a bad beating: Leroy gave us a right good clackerin'.
  • Clive Warren - Clive Owen
  • Condensity - consistency: Tic Tacs have a similar condensity to kitty litter
  • Crop/croppage - crops: too much fruit about, so just crop
  • Cropping - ploughing fields: who's gonna do the cropping?
  • Cryptic - forming some semblance of weak pun; "craptic" as Stephen Merchant aptly describes

D

  • Demick/demicky - ersatz / improper: the thing is, right, if you have a lot of something, you also have a lot of demick ones, don't you...
  • Diss - insult
  • Drawned - drawn: you're more drawned to things that keep your eyes interested

E

  • Effin' 'n' jeffin' - swearing: me brother was effin' 'n' jeffin' all the time
  • Egypt bloke - Egyptian
  • Elephantitis - Elephantiasis; or some similar condition as that suffered by Joseph Merrick (The Elephant Man), who is believed to have suffered some combination of neurofibromatosis type I and Proteus syndrome.

F

  • Face rub - facial: ...just a posh face wash
  • Faff - messing around
  • Fed up - unhappy
  • Flumpf - rubbish, lowbrow: They want some- some, sort of - flumpf telly, that they don't have to think about.
  • Foodage - food: Whether it's a potato or a nut, it's a foodage.
  • Forrest Gump - disabled person: me dad put a Forrest Gump in a wheelie bin
  • Frightenedness - fear: he had a look of frightendness on his face
  • Fuckerage - problems: it's added to the fuckerage.

G

  • Glunge - wet muck / filth: I was up to my shoulder Steve, in like- glunge
  • Goes - says
  • Gozzin' - spitting: the octopus was gozzin' about everywhere
  • Greenness - primitive life form. In the beginning, air created the greenness
  • Grippage - grip: there's a lot of grippage on the side of the building

H

  • Havin' it away - having sex: we were on holiday, and we were havin' it away an' that...
  • Hypotenuse - an angle off straight: ...went off at a hypotenuse.

I

  • In't - isn't

K

  • Kidded - tricked: It's like your brain is being kidded
  • Knob - penis
  • Knobhead - Karl's favourite insult
  • Knockin' about - around, in the area: turned out.. a monkey was knockin' about
  • Kusabi - wasabi: I'm serving some right rubbish tonight, give 'em some of that kusabi

L

  • Lake - a type of river
  • Learn - teach: I'll learn you something there
  • Leg rubber - masseur / masseuse
  • Limsy - cross between limp and flimsy.
  • Little fella - a man, not necessarily little.
  • Little gay fella - homosexual male: there was this little gay fella...

M

  • Macs - individuals with surnames beginning with "Mac-"
  • Mam - mother
  • Manmoth - a cross between a human and a moth.
  • Me - my / a consciousness exogenous to one's brain: Am I me or me brain?
  • Mentalist - someone with a low IQ
  • Miminalistic - minimalistic: A coupla years back, people went miminalistic
  • Molish - a characteristic of people who live underground
  • Moly - covered in moles: Auntie Nora's back is moly
  • Monkey - any non-human primate, usually a chimpanzee
  • Mongs - mongooses
  • Moped over - slumped, slouched: moped over in a wheelchair
  • Mr. Exorcist - an exorcist

N

  • News - anything that has been written on the internet at any point

O

  • Olden days, (the) - see years ago
  • Otherness - other, more evolved forms of life than greenness. From the greenness came otherness
  • Our kid - brother or sister
  • Oven - Karls excuse to prove Suzanne wrong, as he had to pay an £80 call out charge for a broken fuse, which he could have easily fixed. Suzanne: Karl, call someone out. Karl: Oven

P

  • Palaco - alpaca: It doesn't want to be somewhere else. It's where it was. And that's the same with this palaco, or whatever.
  • Papa People - natives of Papua New Guinea: these Papa People, right...
  • Pikelet - a thin crumpet
  • Plunge things - ear plugs
  • Power - a species specific ability, such as an ant's ability to lift things
  • Probleming - troubling, causing problems: Whilst I'm sat here [my legs] are not probleming me

R

  • Ravin' about - thinks well of: everyone's ravin' about Einstein an' tha'.
  • Remembered - reminded: now that you've remembered me that...
  • Replemishing - replenishing: I needed to replemish 'cos I was so tired
  • Rockbusters - a quiz where "cryptic" clues and initials are given for a musical artist to be guessed, a shameless rip-off of the popular television show Blockbusters.
  • Rum 'un - wrong 'un, ne'er-d'well: she was a rum 'un
  • Rummanging - rummaging: he started rummanging

S

  • Squoze - squeezed; squeeze (past imperfect): he came in at one o'clock and squoze it then!
  • Squozed - squeezed; squeeze (past perfect): That's before the stress of, you know, having heads squozed an' that
  • Scruffily - in a scruffy, disorganized manner
  • Sleep - "when you're sort of shut-down"
  • Sluggage - slugs or slug matter
  • Stressed out - stressed one of the few feelings Karl can identify
  • Suzanne - Karl's girlfriend

T

  • Tenseness - tension: you've got a lot of tenseness there
  • Testerone - testosterone
  • Them - these / those
  • Thetht - theft, robbin'
  • Tight - careful with money, not generous.
  • Thump - to hit, to punch
  • Ting - to rattle or bounce in a metallic fashion: you could hear one tingin' its way up the tube
  • Tink - to knock glasses together
  • Tong - tongue
  • Tubberware - tupperware: yeah, the plastic boxes
  • Twinings - Karl's favourite brand of tea.
  • Typhoo - A very strong brand of tea bag: Typhoo means lots of milk

U

  • Uglely - ugly: I heard we're all gonna go uglely.
  • Uncomfy - uncomfortable
  • Uppered - promoted: they get sort of... what's the word... sort of uppered too early

W

  • Webbage - web: ...floating around on a bit of webbage
  • Weird - something that is interesting or odd to Karl, "thing's you don't see"
  • Wewe - an old female ghost with drooping breasts: I said she might end up becoming a wewe.
  • What have yer - whatnot
  • What's-her-name: when Karl can't find the right word he says this, whether it's a woman, man, place, event etc.: I went to what's-her-name... barley street
  • Whop - reveal, to remove from covering: she whopped 'em out and he started suckin' on 'em an' that
  • Willy-nillily - carefree: but you just said it willy-nillily
  • World, (the) - The Earth The Earth is our world; it's the World
  • Worry hole - the part of the brain that casts doubt: Everyone's got to fill that worry hole with worries.
  • Wroted - written: someone had wroted - uh!

X

  • XFM - the radio station Karl was discovered on

Y

  • Years ago - some time between the origin of the universe and a couple of years ago; also ages ago and (the) olden days.