Series 3 Episode 3
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Podcast Series 3
Karl had a boring week; all he did was drink water, rest, and look up videos and spurious facts on the internet. With so much extra time on his hands, he was able to write 3 poems during the week.
- 1 Track Listing
- 2 Karl’s Poems
- 3 Quotes
- 4 Download
1. Like a Basking Shark (0:00)
Ricky makes the usual introductions. Karl had a boring week; the kidney operation has affected his life in a big way. Ricky says it’s his own fault for not drinking enough water. That’s why Karl has been bored the whole week; he’s just been drinking water and resting. Karl now has a new outlook on life and feels like he has been given a second chance. But it hasn’t changed him into a better person. Karl doesn’t drink a lot of water because his brain is never thirsty.
2. Spider and 80 Ants (3:30)
Karl would like to have a week like the one he just had if he was dying because the time went by so slow. He spent the week watching videos on the internet of ants attacking a spider in a bottle. He was surprised that the ants weren’t more organized. He also watched a programme about a man trying to survive in the desert. He had to deal with a scorpion walking on his leg, a snake in his shoe, and some bad ants for 48 hours.
3. Why Are We Eating Knob? (11:03)
Inspired by Karl’s survival story, Ricky posits a hypothetical shipwreck scenario involving the three of them. Ricky goes on to say that Steve has generously donated his penis for all of them to eat. Karl would find something else to eat in the sea. Karl believes that things evolve faster in the ocean. This annoys Ricky.
4. That’s Really Good Cos It’s Jelly (14:58)
Karl has written three poems during the week. Ricky remains quite impressed with Karl’s poetry and he’s certain that he’s got the only market for poems about jellyfish and kidneys.
5. Monkeys Are Getting Better at Stuff (17:02)
Although Ricky is impressed with Karl’s literary abilities, he worries that he might become clever and will lose his simple world view. Steve is impressed that Karl has written a real book. Karl isn’t interested in reading fiction, of course, Ricky points out that the stories he reads online are all fiction. Learning about the sea changing got Karl thinking about octopuses with two heads, which he thinks is better than narrative fiction. Karl thought the relationship in King Kong was doomed from the beginning.
6. A Dog Has Got Human Eyes (22:23)
Karl still asserts that an octopus with two heads is the weirdest thing and is much more interesting than fiction. Steve asks what makes a jellyfish weirder than a dog and Karl explains that it’s all about the eyes.
7. Some New Sea Thing on Ebay (25:12)
Steve reads more from Karl’s diary. Karl is annoyed by alpacas that have been taken from the Andes and are bred for their fur. He’s worried about what will happen if they go back to the Andes leading to an argument with himself. Karl heard about some new sea thing that was being sold on Ebay; he wouldn’t want one. He compares it to having an alien living with you who might not like pasta.
- I don't like jellyfish, they’re not a fish, they're just a blob.
- They don’t have eyes, fins or scales like a cod.
- They float about blind, stinging people in the seas,
- And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas.
- Get rid of 'em!
Jellyfish, Part 2
- It would be spiteful
- To put jellyfish in a trifle
- For God's sake, me belly ache
- The doctor said it’s me kidney
- He said he’s got to stick a tube up me knob
- I said you got to be kidding me
- For God' sake, knob ache.
Karl: He got so hot his lips fell off.
Ricky: Lads, let’s eat this. It can go three ways.
Steve: I should be so lucky.
Karl: A dog has got human eyes.
Episode available for purchase via iTunes
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