08 March 2003

Xfm Series 2 August 2002 - August 2003 List of episodes

Episodes: 24 August 2002 (Transcript) 31 August 2002 (Transcript) 07 September 2002 (Transcript) 14 September 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of') 21 September 2002 (Transcript) 28 September 2002 (Transcript) 05 October 2002 (Transcript) 12 October 2002 (Transcript) 19 October 2002 (Transcript) 26 October 2002 (Transcript) 02 November 2002 (Transcript) 09 November 2002 (Transcript) 16 November 2002 (Transcript) 23 November 2002 (Transcript) 30 November 2002 (Transcript) 07 December 2002 (Transcript) 14 December 2002 (Transcript) 21 December 2002 (Transcript) 28 December 2002 (Transcript) ('Best of') 04 January 2003 (Transcript) 11 January 2003 (Transcript) 18 January 2003 (Transcript) 25 January 2003 (Transcript) 01 February 2003 (Transcript) 08 February 2003 (Transcript) 15 February 2003 (Transcript) 22 February 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of') 01 March 2003 (Transcript) ('Best of') 08 March 2003 (Transcript) 15 March 2003 (Transcript) 22 March 2003 (Transcript) 29 March 2003 (Transcript) 05 April 2003 (Transcript) 12 April 2003 (Transcript) 19 April 2003 (Transcript) 26 April 2003 (Transcript) 03 May 2003 (Transcript) 10 May 2003 (Transcript) 17 May 2003 (Transcript) 31 May 2003 (Transcript) 07 June 2003 (Transcript) 14 June 2003 (Transcript) 21 June 2003 (Transcript) 28 June 2003 05 July 2003 12 July 2003 19 July 2003 26 July 2003 02 August 2003 09 August 2003 16 August 2003

Claire Sturgess stands in for an apparently unwell Karl. Ricky gives outs digit of Karl's phone number every five minutes until Karl finally phones in.

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 08 March 2003/Transcript.

1. I Never Take That Hour and a Half Off (0:00:00)

Ricky never believes people when they say they're ill and never takes days off. Steve points out he never actually does a full day's work. Ricky and Steve watched the Oliver the Humanzee documentary at Karl's urging but it was rubbish. Lee Evans looks a bit like a chimp.

2. Karl is Very Much a Humanzee (0:02:27)

Claire gets reprimanded for interrupting Ricky and for promoting Zoe Ball's show. Chat about how Karl compares with Oliver. Without Karl there's not much of a show to be had.

3. It's Expired (0:05:46)

Oliver conversation continues. Mickey Dolenz is a Monkey. Richard Branson is a lovely bloke. Ricky and Steve were off to America to discuss making The Office in the States. Ricky is capable of turning a story about plums into a story about balls. Steve's expired passport story. Steve wonders, "When will I know all these things?" and is not old enough to back in a lorry driver or call a bartender "Chief".

4. Where is Karl (0:12:54)

Karl doesn't want to be contacted. What swears would Ricky call Karl? Call in, Karl.

5. I Must Have That Chimp (0:14:52)

Karl hasn't called. Claire has a sore bottom. An email about Vincent Pace, Oliver's owner who was impressed by Oliver's mojo.

6. It's Like Having Karl (0:16:57)

Karl has changed his outgoing message. Richard Anderson has emailed in. Claire can't work out how to put through Karl's call.

7. He's Not Ill, Obviously (0:18:24)

Another failed attempt at putting through Karl's message. Anders wonders if Karl is in his garden. Ricky leaves a message for Karl and threatens to give out his phone number. Karl's throwing away a week's wages in Manchester. Still rubbish without Karl.

8. He's Defying Me (0:22:07)

Who does Karl think he is? Karl's been slagging Steve off in the week saying he looks like an alien in Men in Black II.

9. We've Got Nothing (0:24:00)

One more digit. Attempt at a great show without Karl. Ricky and Steve try Karlesque anecedotes.

10. A Big Crush on the Scottish Widow (0:25:34)

Has Graham Coxon been replaced? Claire interrupts again. When is her radio show? Steve wants The Scottish Widow to move on, with him.

11. He Can Just Call (0:29:45)

Ricky's in a Rock mood. Steve understands Rock now and wishes he could play the guitar. He wants to write a hymn to Karl. One more digit.

12. There's No One Any Good Working Here (0:31:17)

Steve enjoys it when Karl is absent. The only proper Xfm DJ is Ian Camfield, who's nearly 13 now and is half Vance. Columbo is brilliant. Ricky plays Rush.

13. Hannibal Sometimes Disguises Himself as an Elderly Chinaman! (0:33:58)

Every type of music is in that Rush song. Once Camfield rushed in to defend The A-Team.

14. I Put Some Wet Jeans On (0:36:07)

Karl calls in with an explanation for why he's ill. Maiden vs. clothes horse. Karl has no chair at home. He'd turned off the radio show to watch the football. Brief Oliver chat with KP. If he receives any phone calls from strangers, Ricky and Steve don't know anything about that. Karl vs. Steve.

15. He Could Be Your Brother (0:40:45)

More on the Steve/MIB II alien likeness. Steve retorts with the Karl/Oliver likeness, but Karl doesn't smoke; that does. Karl has Restless Leg Syndrome all over (like Elvis or a vibrator). Amanda Lamb is the Scottish Widow. Ricky and Steve end the show angry.

Quotes

Steve: ....I'm speaking with a certain eloquence,
Ricky: How?
Steve: I'd just been workin' on it in the car.

Karl (on his outgoing message): ... Sorry I'm not in today, but I'm not well and that. Err, no more Rockbusters. I think that's what's affected me, it's got me down a bit. But err, the doctor said I'll, I'll be uh, back, swingin' on me tyre in no time.

Karl: Have you seen [Men in Black II], Steve?
Steve: No I haven't - tell me about it!
Karl: Aw, you should see it.
Steve: Go on. Why.
Karl: There's this ... thing in it.
Steve: Go on. What, a stupid bald Mancunian tosser?
Karl: Nope, weirder than that.
Steve: There isn't anything weirder than that.

Playlist

U2 - Beautiful Day
Coldplay - Clocks
The Wedding Present - Pleasant Valley Sunday
Ryan Adams - Answering Bell
Oasis - Supersonic
Aimee Mann - Red Vines
Zwan - Honestly
Snoop Dogg feat. Pharell - Beautiful
Feeder - Just the Way I'm Feeling
Patti Smith - Because the Night
Richard Ashcroft - Buy it in Bottles
Blur - Out of Time
Bad Company - Can't Get Enough of Your Love
The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
Rush - The Spirit of Radio
Kings of Leon - Molly's Chambers
Hot Hot Heat - Bandages

External Links

• Oliver the Humanzee documentary - First of six parts on YouTube
• 1 and 2 - Pictures of the Men in Black II alien who looks like Steve
• Restless Leg Syndrome

Trivia

• The digits of Karl's phone number given out were 07968 157.