Karl's Poems: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 21:57, 31 January 2014

Karl's Poems were first introduced in the third series of podcasts. Steve discovered them while reading through Karl's Diary. Surprisingly, Ricky and Steve were both mildly impressed by his work. Later, more poems appeared in Happyslapped by a Jellyfish and Karlology.

Episode 1

If moths had eyes, would they be happier?

How do they know they're not dead?

Cavemen hunting for food

But not before they style the hair on their head

What would last longer in dinosaur times?

A blind man didn't stand a chance

Not with all them rocks about

I'd rather be a blind moth

Episode 2

Bubbled wallpaper, what a mess.

Washer dryer knackered, what a mess.

Siamese twins seperated, one leg less.

Episode 3

Jellyfish

I don't like jellyfish, they’re not a fish, they're just a blob.

They don’t have eyes, fins or scales like a cod.

They float about blind, stinging people in the seas,

And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas.

Get rid of 'em!

Jellyfish, Part 2

It would be spiteful

To put jellyfish in a trifle

For God's Sake

For God's sake, me belly ache

The doctor said it’s me kidney

He said he’s got to stick a tube up me knob

I said you got to be kidding me

For God' sake, knob ache.

Episode 6

Me Ward

Me, a Chinese fella and an old bloke,

Who looked like Mr Burns from 'The Simpsons',

Don't know what was wrong with him,

But breaking wind was the symptoms.

No one visited him or called him.

He seemed quite lost to me.

As well as wind problems,

He had a colostomy.

When I left,

I said "see ya" to the old man.

Turned out the other fella wasn't Chinese,

He was from Japan.

Happyslapped By A Jellyfish

Bank Holiday Monday

Bank holiday Monday

Bank holiday mundane

No shops open

Plenty of rain

Suzanne's Mam and Dad's Pub

Lots of smoke and strange folk

Regular laughing at his own jokes

Dog on a rope

Fruit machine broke

Old man in a corner who never spoke

Sheep Off A Cliff

Thousands of sheep fed up,

So they jumped off cliff into bay.

They shouldn't survive,

But it just goes to show,

Where there's wool there's a way

Rome

Rome wasn't built in a day,

It just looks that way.

Karlology

Art

Dead artists’ work shoots up in price

So am I then wrong to surmise

That the value of our flat will increase

If our painter and decorator dies

My Ears

I don’t know how to rest my ears

They both sit there listening in

It could be worse

I could have four

Just like a Siamese twin

(Saying that, with four ears there’s

No chance of over-sleeping.)

Fish Once Had Legs

To save space in the seas

Nature made fish into amputees

Now sea levels are rising but I won’t complain

Cos this gives fish room to grow limbs back again

And I’m really looking forward

To when this time comes

To eating fish legs lightly sprinkled

In golden breadcrumbs

Science

In 1905 Einstein

Came up with E = mc squared

Yet in 2008 British Gas

Still can’t get my boiler repaired

Archimedes said “Eureka!”

With no hot water … I reeka!

Cavemen

“Cavemen were stupid” is what some say

But they created the wheel and fire

I’ve just paid 49 pounds for heating this month

And 38 quid for a new tyre!

Who’s stupid again?

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-Karl's Poems first appeared in [[Podcast_Series_3|the third series of the Podcast]].
+Karl's Poems were first introduced in [[Podcast_Series_3|the third series of podcasts]]. Steve discovered them while reading through [[Karl's Diary]]. Surprisingly, Ricky and Steve were both mildly impressed by his work. Later, more poems appeared in [[Happyslapped by a Jellyfish]] and [[Karlology]].
+==Episode 1==
+:If moths had eyes, would they be happier?
+:How do they know they're not dead?
+:Cavemen hunting for food
+:But not before they style the hair on their head
+:What would last longer in dinosaur times?
+:A blind man didn't stand a chance
+:Not with all them rocks about
+:I'd rather be a blind moth
+==Episode 2==
+:Bubbled wallpaper, what a mess.
+:Washer dryer knackered, what a mess.
+:Siamese twins seperated, one leg less.
+==Episode 3==
+===[[Fan Animations#Jellyfish|Jellyfish]]===
+:I don't like jellyfish, they’re not a fish, they're just a blob.
+:They don’t have eyes, fins or scales like a cod.
+:They float about blind, stinging people in the seas,
+:And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas.
+:Get rid of 'em!
+===Jellyfish, Part 2===
+:It would be spiteful
+:To put jellyfish in a trifle
+===[[Fan Animations#For God's Sake|For God's Sake]]===
+:For God's sake, me belly ache
+:The doctor said it’s me kidney
+:He said he’s got to stick a tube up me knob
+:I said you got to be kidding me
+:For God' sake, knob ache.
+==Episode 6==
+===Me Ward===
+:Me, a Chinese fella and an old bloke,
+:Who looked like Mr Burns from 'The Simpsons',
+:Don't know what was wrong with him,
+:But breaking wind was the symptoms.
+:No one visited him or called him.
+:He seemed quite lost to me.
+:As well as wind problems,
+:He had a colostomy.
+:When I left,
+:I said "see ya" to the old man.
+:Turned out the other fella wasn't Chinese,
+:He was from Japan.
+==Happyslapped By A Jellyfish==
+===Bank Holiday Monday===
+:Bank holiday Monday
+:Bank holiday mundane
+:No shops open
+:Plenty of rain
-==Karl's First Poem==
+===Suzanne's Mam and Dad's Pub===
+:Lots of smoke and strange folk
+:Regular laughing at his own jokes
+:Dog on a rope
+:Fruit machine broke
+:Old man in a corner who never spoke
-:If moths have eyes, would they be happier?
+===Sheep Off A Cliff===
-:How do they know they're not dead?
+:Thousands of sheep fed up,
-:Cavemen hunting for food,
+:So they jumped off cliff into bay.
-:But not before they style the hair on their head
+:They shouldn't survive,
-:What would last longer in dinosaur times?
+:But it just goes to show,
-:A blind man didn't stand a chance. Not with all them rocks about
+:Where there's wool there's a way
-:I'd rather be a blind moth
+===Rome===
+:Rome wasn't built in a day,
+:It just looks that way.
+==Karlology==
+===Art===
+:Dead artists’ work shoots up in price
+:So am I then wrong to surmise
+:That the value of our flat will increase
+:If our painter and decorator dies
+===My Ears===
+:I don’t know how to rest my ears
+:They both sit there listening in
+:It could be worse
+:I could have four
+:Just like a Siamese twin
+:(Saying that, with four ears there’s
+:No chance of over-sleeping.)
+===Fish Once Had Legs===
+:To save space in the seas
+:Nature made fish into amputees
+:Now sea levels are rising but I won’t complain
+:Cos this gives fish room to grow limbs back again
+:And I’m really looking forward
+:To when this time comes
+:To eating fish legs lightly sprinkled
+:In golden breadcrumbs
+===Science===
+:In 1905 Einstein
+:Came up with ''E = mc'' squared
+:Yet in 2008 British Gas
+:Still can’t get my boiler repaired
+:Archimedes said “Eureka!”
+:With no hot water … I reeka!
+===Cavemen===
+:“Cavemen were stupid” is what some say
+:But they created the wheel and fire
+:I’ve just paid 49 pounds for heating this month
+:And 38 quid for a new tyre!
+:Who’s stupid again?
-==Karls Second Poem==
-:Bubbled wallpaper. What a mess
+[[Category:Features|Poems]]
-:Washer dryer knackered. What a mess
-:Siamese twins seperated. One leg less