27 April 2002

Xfm Series 1 November 2001 - May 2002 List of episodes

Episodes: 10 November 2001 (Transcript) 17 November 2001 (Transcript) 24 November 2001 (Transcript) 01 December 2001 (Transcript) 08 December 2001 (Transcript) 15 December 2001 (Transcript) 22 December 2001 (Transcript) 12 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.1 19 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.2 26 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.3 09 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.4 16 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.5 23 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.6 02 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.7 09 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.8 16 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.9 23 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.10 30 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.11 06 April 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.12 13 April 2002 (Transcript) 20 April 2002 (Transcript) 27 April 2002 (Transcript) 04 May 2002 (Transcript)

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 27 April 2002/Transcript

1. I'm A Bad Man, Cos I Don't Give Lungs Away?

Karl is stressing out after Ricky and Steve put him under pressure; despite the two of them making Karl what he is today, he says there's only so much he can give back, he compares it to repaying someone who'd saved his life. Karl recounts his and Ricky's tale of being 'Have-A-Go Heroes', more like 'Have-A-Walk Heroes' by all accounts; apparently being robbed is very distressing, Karl would confirm this, but unfortunately has broken his microphone and thus is on the receiving end of a double 'play a record'.

2. They Do Go Out Late

Karl looks like the Smash aliens, which is not great as he's hungover after partying at an Xfm gig the night before, at which Steve tore up the place with his tip top hip hop mega mix, respect. Ricky listens in disbelief as Steve describes the 'big-ups' he got from three lovely ladies and disc jockey supremo Zane Lowe, all for playing three old records in a certain order. Ricky recounts his conversation with Karl about songs with a story, this leads to a breakdown of the narrative from the Rod Stewart classic The Killing of Georgie, ending with a classic Karl theory, Gays Go Out Too Late. He proffers a story of Suzanne travelling in a cab through Soho at 4am, while it was 'mental' with gays, QED.

3. Obviously He Had To Pose As My Gay Lover

Ricky and Steve unveil their prize for the day, a Bafta bag signed by literally dozens of B List celebrities including Phil “Steve McFadden” Mitchell. Karl is not impressed, but then he wasn't impressed by the Bafta ceremony either; in fact he says it was the worst thing he's ever done. Not only was it interminably boring and not only did he have to pose as Steve's 'partner', but he also had to fork out £600 on a flashy suit. He's glad he went though, as his philosophy on life is to take up opportunities when they arise. Emails have flooded in congratulating the boys on their Bafta wins and Ricky's appearance on Room 101; but one cheeky listener wants to know if Ricky only has one suit – the answer is 'yes'. It cost a fortune.

4. You're Better Looking On TV Than You Are In Real Life

Rick and Steve met DJ and medical man Neil 'Foxy' Fox at the Baftas, they were charmed but he has an enormous head to go with his massive body, which Karl couldn't fit on the camcorder screen. Speaking of being on screen, Steve was complimented by a girlfriend of a friend, after appearing on a Channel 4 list show, apparently he looks better on telly than in real life. A lot of listeners think Karl looks like Morph, Ricky confirms this is as accurate, and Steve chips in with a gingerbread man comparison. Steve's pleased because Dido has called off her wedding, and he reckons he's well in there, because, come on, let's face it, she looks like a receptionist or something. Karl is upset about the prevalence of looks over talent in pop music, but thinks Dido and Steve would be a good match.

4. Spandau Ballet – Golfy Golfy

Fat Boy Slim performed to 20,000 people on Brighton beach; Steve reckons he could rustle up 80 people and some donkeys at Weston-super-Mare, at least, this comparison reminds Ricky of the scarce audience on mainly-forgotten cable show Karaoke Challenge, that he and Steve tried to get on when filming Golden Years. He also tells an anecdote of unsuccessfully trying to prank The Chris Moyles Show during a competition on golfing puns. Karl tries to think some up, this takes a while, but he does it eventually. Karl is also under the weather, due to travelling on the tube, there's a lot of badness down there. And suicide.

5. Brains In A Bag Curry Microwave Head Story

Steve enquires as to what Karl's day job is, he makes stuff, but doesn't talk to anyone all day; he just gets all his information from the internet. He relays an urban legend which Steve and Ricky dismiss as bollocks, and Ricky provides a couple of made up myths himself, featuring a phone not ringing and a man shitting himself. Things take a turn for the macabre, when Karl brings up the subject of cremation versus burial, and recalls tales of, ages ago, people being buried alive.

6. Karl's Swap Shop

Ricky reveals how listeners can win the signed Bafta bag, by offering to swap it for something that will enrich Karl's life. The boys then spend the entire link, nearly five minutes, explaining what people should send, where to send it to and that's it. Seriously. By the end everyone's thoroughly bored of the whole thing and wishes they'd never started. The End.

Extras

The Killing of Georgie

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