11 January 2003/Transcript

This is a transcript of the 11 January 2003 episode, from Xfm Series 2

I Still Didn't Stop Workin

Song: Travis - Love Will Come Through

Ricky: Travis, "Love Will Come Through" on XFM 104.9, I'm Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant, Karl Pilkington, etc. I've got some, uh, great tunes, actually, lined up--

Steve: Excellent.

Ricky: I've brought in, uhh, some Aimee Mann, some, uh, Neil Young, I'm gonna play my favorite Clash track. What are you- what have you got for us, Steve?

Steve: I've got a dynamite, uh, hip hop tune--

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: By The Roots, which I think you'll enjoy.

Ricky: Lovely. Lovely.

Steve: Got a little bit of, uhh, Joni Mitchell, maybe swing that on later.

Ricky: Ooh, excellent.

Steve: And, umm--

Ricky: I nearly brought in some Joni Mitchell, it's a good job I didn't.

Steve: Yeah, exactly and I'm sure--

Ricky: It wouldn't of made any difference. It wouldn't have made any difference.

Steve: No, we- we'd of probably played yours and--

Ricky: Yeah. Yeah.

Steve: I'd of been told to--

Ricky: Fine.

Ricky and Steve: Go awayyy.

Steve: With the tune of my ear.

Ricky: Uh, Karl, what have you got lined up for us, as the producer?

Ricky Laughs Slightly

Karl: Right, well, uhh, "Rockbusters"--

Ricky: Been off this week again.

Steve: Has he?!

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Another week off?

Ricky: Another week off, yeah.

Karl: No, I didn't have a full week off, I had three days off--

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Because I was workin' all over Christmas.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: And, uhh, still didn't stop working, preparin' stuff.

Ricky and Steve Laugh Slightly

Karl: You've got a nice load of prizes there--

Steve: Yeah, givin' those away.

Karl: That I've sorted out. I had to come in here especially to sort that out.

Steve: Mm hmm.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Uhhm, "Rockbusters" will continue--

Steve: Did you rifle through the drawers up at Capital Gold instead of down here?

Karl: Yeh. Yeah. Uhh, "Rockbusters" - we're still doin' that.

Steve: Yeah.

Karl: Uhh--

Ricky: (Laughing) Yeah, you're biggin' it up.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: He's biggin' it up.

Ricky and Steve Chuckle

Ricky: (Lifeless Karl Impression) Still doin' that.

Karl: We've got that. Uhh, last week, ehmm, we sort of changed "Educating Ricky" a bit.... Ehm... just a little bit.

Steve: Don't say, "We". I don't want to be incriminated in it.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Well- well I "changed it" in the sense that rather than giving ya too much information about different things - it's hard to sort of keep it all in--

Ricky: Yeeeah.

Karl: I'm givin' ya, sort of, information on one thing. So last- last week--

Ricky: Yeah. No, cuz some of your stuff was a little bit too intense for me. Uh, my favorite story was, "There was a blind girl, she hit her head and got better", and I couldn't take all that in at once.

Karl: Yeah.

Steve Chuckles

Ricky: So, you really should ration some of the education.

Karl: Well we- we sort of start--

Steve: Wasn't last week, uh, war-related, uhh, stories?

Karl: Yeah, it was, uhh, "War Do You Think of That, Then?" and it was--

Steve: "War Do You Think of That, Then".

Ricky: Sure.

Karl: And it was three things--

Ricky: And it was the French, uh, battle cry, uh, goin' over the top was, "John's got a mustache".

Steve Laughs

Ricky: Which you think was ambiguous because someone might have said that anyway.

Karl: Well, look, you've remembered it. So it's working.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: So, we'll be doin' that and last week you said--

Ricky: Loads of French people have just gone to war, who are listening to this.

Steve: Yeah.

Karl: You, uhh, you said you wanted to learn some science this week so--

Ricky: Did I?

Karl: Yeah.

Steve Giggles

Karl: So, the title this week for that is: "A-cid I Would Sort You Some Science Out".

Steve Laughs

Ricky Laughs

Karl: "Acid"... "A-cid"... Because that's--

Steve: How long did that take you to come up with?

Ricky: Listen, right, no- people- people love Karl. There's comedians coming up to me and go, "Karl is the funniest man"--

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: They absolutely love him, right. But, I think we're only seeing half of it, right.

Steve: Mmm.

Ricky: If we can get him on television- his face, then, when he told me that title was like a child at Christmas.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: It was- it was- he was so proud of it, he was excited what I was gonna- it was brilliant.

Steve: It's a bit like when a child's drawn a picture in art class: you know you've got to stick it on the fridge--

Ricky: You've gotta- yeah.

Steve: But you basically think it's crap.

Ricky: Yeah. Yeah.

Steve: (Laughing Slightly) It's very much like that.

Ricky and Steve: (High Pitch) All right, Karl?

Karl: Is that good?

Ricky and Steve: Yes.

Karl: So, we'll be doing that--

Ricky Laughs Slightly

Karl: "Do We Need 'Em?"...

Steve: Mm hmm.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Uhm--

Ricky: Have you got another one?

Karl: We have got another one. Looking at, uhh, snails this week.

Ricky: Ah, yeah.

Steve: Do we need snails? Because I know you're not a fan of snails, are you?

Karl: Well, after a bit of research, I found some good stuff ab- about, umm, like, they sleep for 13 years - some of 'em.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky Laughs Slightly

Karl: And that. So we'll be looking into that later--

Steve: Ricky, you tried that once, didn't you?

Ricky: (Chuckling) Yeah, I know, yeah.

Karl: We've got "Ritual"... "Ricktual".

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Which is something which I talk to you about--

Ricky: Well, last week's was brilliant.

Karl: What was it?

Ricky: It's good to have a flat head in India.

Steve: (Laughing) It's good to have a flat head in India. I forgot all about that.

Ricky: That's brilliant. Yeah.

Karl: Uhh, and, uhh, that's about it. That's--

Ricky: Well I'm gonna- I'm gonna s- play one of my favorite Smith tracks--

Steve: Can I just, uhh- make a request though? I'd quite like - if you- if you've got time - to bring back, um - just for one week only - "White Van Karl".

Ricky: Sure.

Steve: Because there's some quite interesting topics this week.

Ricky: Oh, is there things happening in the world?

Steve: There's things happening.

Ricky: Cuz Karl doesn't think there is.

Steve: (Laughing Slightly) No.

Ricky: "There is a Light That Never Goes Out"

Song: The Smiths - There is a Light That Never Goes Out