21 December 2002/Transcript

This is a transcript of the 21 December 2002 episode, from Xfm Series 2

Karl's in a Bad Mood Already

Ricky: ... dissin' all his- mum and everyone.

Steve: (Laughing) Yeah--

Ricky: At Christmas.

Steve: A little cussing in there which they've bleeped out, thankfully.

Ricky: Yeah. Karl's in a bad mood already. He's been in about 3 minutes and he's in a bad mood, gettin' stressed. If you can't hack it, leave! What's the matter with ya?

Karl: No. I'm just sayin' - it's been.... I was meant to enjoy last Saturday off and I didn't.

Ricky: Why not?! Why's that our fault cuz you weren't here?

Pause

Karl: Just cuz... I don't know but--

Steve Laughs

Steve: Are you not in the Christmas Spirit?

Ricky: Why didn't you enjoy last Saturday?

Steve: What- what did you do? Did y--

Karl: I went- right, I went all the way back- up north again, right, because, uhh, it was Suzanne's dad's birthday, right? I was busy last week, didn't have time to get him a present or anything.

Steve: (Scoffing Tone) Didn't have time to get him a present.

Karl: So I got to Heuston Station... bought a card for him, which was a Christmas card so he wasn't happy because he was saying, "It's me birthday", and I said, "Well, I won't be seeing you again so... I've got a joint card". And then we went out--

Ricky: Didn't you get him a present?

Karl: Well, no, because we went out on Saturday night for something to eat at this pub that he likes cuz it has nice steak and onion rings, right--

Ricky: Oooh lovely. Classey.

Karl: So, he should be happy anyway.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: But--

Steve: What, you paid for it?

Karl: No, no.

Steve: But he should've been happy anyway.

Karl: Suzanne paid for that because it is her dad.

Steve: Huh huh.

Karl: Right, not mine. So, I said, "What- what- what can I do?", I said to her. So, she said, "Just buy a few drinks or something". Anyway, I didn't get around to gettin' drinks because I didn't s--

Steve Laughs

Ricky: Can't believe it. Can't believe it.

Steve: "Didn't get a-"?! How can you not get around to gettin' the drinks?!

Ricky: Right.

Karl: No. Right, so I said, "Right, I'll pay for the cab"! Right.

Ricky: Ooh, what a lovely Christmas gift that is!

Steve: Yeah two pound-fifty.

Karl: So I paid- no--

Ricky: In Manchester it is.

Karl: It was like three quid there and three quid back.

Ricky: Oooh.

Steve: So six quid you spent on him.

Karl: Well, no, I spent more- see that's what he said, he said, "All--

Ricky: You can get to Bolton and back on that.

Karl: He said- he said, "All you've spent on me is six quid for my birthday", I said, "No I haven't cuz I gave the taxi driver a tip--

Ricky: I'm a little bit worried about his attitude as well! Cuz he--

Steve Chuckles

Ricky: I mean, that is a stingy present but you don't go- you don't say--

Steve: I mean, that's- I mean, let's be honest, that's the worst Christmas gift ever because, I mean, you're pretty bad like we've discussed in the past but at least you spent a bit of money.

Ricky: Yeah!

Steve: It's just thoughtless.

Ricky: Yeah!

Steve: This is nothing!

Ricky: I know.

Steve: You haven't given him any time, I mean I would--

Ricky: And- and I kne- and I knew my- my demographic. They loved it, my family.

Steve: Oh, yeah you- those scratch cards.

Ricky: They couldn't believe their luck, you know.

Karl: Well... a tenner.

Steve: You spent a tenner on him?

Karl: Well, the cab fare was six quid--

Ricky: But- but the thing is he doesn't- it's not- I don't think he's saying that. I think it's the fact that this is, like, you know, fritterin' away on their life--

Steve: Well it's kind of thoughtless isn't it?

Ricky: I'm sure he would have been appreciative of a lovely ten pound gift that you cared about and bought- a book- he probably likes "Fly Fishing" - doesn't he - by J.R. Hartley.

Karl: Ah, yeah...

Ricky: If you'd of bought that, he'd probably of gone, "That's what I was looking for."

Karl: Well...

Ricky: (Cartoonish Manchester Accent) "Aw ayy, what I w' looking for, Karl. AYYY, bloody hell Karl, you little bald twat, that's just what I wanted".

Steve Chuckles

Ricky: Sooo... All right? So just calm down.

Steve: I just think- so what have you got planned for, eh- for Christmas? Is this what- I mean have you- have you speant- are you- are you doing the same price range--

Ricky: (Cartoonish Manchester Accent) "OOOh, Karl, you've paid me milk bill for this week!"

Steve Chuckles

Karl: Well...That's it.

Ricky: (Cartoonish Manchester Accent) "That will reap nice!"

Karl: I'm spent this year. That's it.

Steve: So, have you planned anything for Suzanne or are you just gonna--

Karl: Yeah, I'm taking her out Christmas Day for something to eat.

Steve: All right.

Ricky: Well don't... does she know that? Is that--

Karl: She's working today so she d- she, you know...

Ricky: Right, okay.

Steve: So what Christmas gift have you got her?

Karl: That's it - I'm taking her out.

Steve: What, you haven't got- you haven't got a present?

Karl: No, because we speant a lot this year--

Ricky: Don't forget that's half yours, though. You're gonna be eating- you're not going to be- you're not just going to be sittin' there watching her eat going, "Oh, I'm hungry but I speant all-", you're gonna be eatin' as well. That's half yours.

Steve: So you've got- she's got nothing to unwrap?!

Ricky: Look at his face! He's looking at me like a cat who's been hit.

Steve: But wait a minute. She's got nothing to unwrap?! There's nothing- she's gonna hand something over to you- cuz I've met the woman, she will- she'll hand something over, you'll open it, you'll love it.

Karl: All right, I might get something today!

Ricky Laughs

Steve: Well it shouldn't take me to begrudgingly persuade you to do it.

Ricky: Ohhh God.

Karl: Yeh.

Steve Laughs

Ricky: Right...

Karl: Right, so--

Steve: (Lampooning Karl's Response) AAH.

Ricky: YEAH, yeah, yeah, well we're gonna- I'm gonna try and stick in some, uh, Christmas songs. We're not playing all Christmas songs but I brought in a couple - "So This Is Christmas", John Lennon, uhh--

Steve: Yeah, one or two of the hits, yeah.

Ricky: "The River", Joni Mitchell, "Fairytale of New York" - one of the best Christmas songs ever. Ah, well, what about a bit of Pretenders, that's a good one, "2000 Miles".

Steve: Let's hear it.

Song: Pretenders - 2000 Miles