Xfm Series 1

This is the first series of Xfm shows featuring Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant, and, of course, Karl Pilkington. Ricky and Steve had previous series on Xfm, but they did not feature Karl. The earliest found recording from this series is from 10 Nov 2001, but comment made in that show indicate that there had already been a few shows.

10 November 2001

Transcript of show

Fly and Dope: Ricky and Steve start the show with a hi-5.

Ricky's Film Review - The Jungle Book: Ricky continues to review the latest films with 'The Jungle Book' (1968). He gives it 9 out of 5. Song for the Lovers: The Smiths - Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me

Lonely Steve: Steve gets jealous when he overhears a tramp talking about his girlfriend. But things become more embittered when Steve asks about Karl's relationship and Karl gets defensive.

Schindler's Lifts: Ricky is impressed with the noise the microphone spring makes, while photographers for X-Ray magazine take pictures in the studio. Steve sets a competition for tickets for The Fall at Kentish Town Forum tonight. Steve wonders if Schindler's Lifts has anything to do with Oscar Schindler.

Christian O'Connell Breakfast Show Ad: ...Ben Elton appeared to have overdowsed on the arsehole tablets that morning.

Polaroids: Ricky, Steve and Karl look at the photographer's test snaps and are forced to contemplate the reality of their looks. Ricky confesses he was mistaken for Johnny Vegas earlier. Ricky then wonders if Armitage Shanks should be investigated by the Monopoly and Mergers Commission.

Criticizing Steve: Ricky says he likes U2. Steve finishes The Fall tickets competition. Steve says Noel Edmonds is utterly doomed, while Ricky thinks he's going to make a big comeback... Ricky then wonders why the show has gone so bad. Steve says it's because him and Karl keep having a go at him., but Ricky says that he and Karl are simply trying to improve him.

I Love The First Hour: Ricky and Steve further lament the decline of the show since it began all those minutes ago. Hip-hop Hooray: Ice Cube - Today Was a Good Day

Saturday Night Steve: Steve gets excited about later, when he will be drinking weak lager at home and will probably masterbate twice before going to bed alone.

17 November 2001

Transcript of show (in progress...)

Stephen talks about Mystic Meg, which bird has a penis leading onto a "cock" discussion, did you see that film last night, Gaylords Say No?, Children in Need, Ricky reviews Rain Man and Ricky asks Karl's views on The White Stripes version of "Jolene".

24 November 2001

Transcript of show (in progress...)

Stephen Merchants birthday today. Ricky and Stephen both hungover. Karl having a dig with Stephen's birthday, You were 26 last week..".

Steve's father gift giving: The Wartime Speeches Of Winston Churchill given to Stephen on his birthday. A very attractive girl saw him listening to it with his father to his embrassment.

VH1 Greatest Albums of All Time. #1 Joshua Tree - U2. They feel comfortable with it being the Beatles or the Beach Boys, not with U2. Robbie Williams - a collection of words.

Steve gets in the Monarch for free and his mates a pound off for a discount for Xfm Djs. He also agreed that Ricky would DJ there.

Steve at a club stuck in a queue alone with a few ladies nearby. He grabbed the doorman and gave him 7 pounds for 10 pound entry fee as a tip. Stephen realizes when telling the anecdote that he was wrong and that it was a 5 pound entry fee.

"There's nobody else who looks like Steve" as Karl describes Steve.

Steve's visit to Salem. Christian O'Connell gets to giveaway a trip to Salem. Stephen mentions it being a poor trip. The whole place is full of people dressed as witches. Boris Karlof World of Terror, you walk in the door, put on some 3d glasses, and Stephen couldn't tell the difference between the glasses working or not. It took about 45 seconds to get through the maze. He always missed all the frights because he was at the back of the group and the man had already jumped out to scare people, but he was too far to see him.

Ricky's best present: was a go-kart he got for Christmas. The go-kart was always back against the shed, but one day it was gone. He asked his mother and she tells him that his father swapped it for a wheel-barrow. His father swapped it from a bloke named Jimmy Dublin. The wheel-barrow was caked in cement like it was just nicked from a construction site. Ricky played with it up and down the garden. Ricky went to Bognar with his mom and his nan in a caravan. He met a little friend his age who hired a go-kart and he came around to Ricky's caravan. Ricky said he had a go-kart and his mother poked her head out of the caravan window and said, "Don't lie."

Karl blaming Steve for bringing down the show, because Stephen's attitude.

More presents from Stephen's father: "The Making Of Thriller", which did not include the actual Thriller music video. Karl accusing Stephen of being ungrateful and selfish.

Listeners should email to get them off the air if they are not enjoying the show. They have seen the truth because they both full of alcohol.

Bruno Brookes once played the sweary version of Rage Against The Machine's "Killing In The Name"

Karl looks like Moby. Ricky likes Moby, but cannot get into his music. Ricky likes the hair from the fella from Shed Seven.

Run for the Covers: Spare Snare - "Say My Name"

Song for the Lovers: Jimmy Webb - "Galveston"

Song For The Ladies: Badly Drawn Boy - "Magic In The Air"

08 December 2001

MC Hammer used to keep a lot of bibles in his trousers to give them to poor people.

Karl laughs at being called the k man. Ricky calls Pilkington is a funny name. Ricky and Stephen are the first to mock the name. Karl has a go at Gervais' name.

Karl had a mobile disco with Glen Makin: "Pilkie's Makin Music". Steve's mobile disco was called the Rock'n'Roll DJs. Ricky had to play their records at a pub. Stephen rants on and on about how to DJ.

Karl has tickets K-fest. "A rock thing going on..." Karl laughs for no reason about Gervais questioning some of the two-bit bands playing. If you want to go answer the question, "Who wants to go to that?", you can be one of the lucky winners.

Rubbish presents revisited. Steve's father heard Steve slagging off his birthday present.

Weeing in the sink. Ricky once told a story about how he used to piss in the sink of the bedsit he had with his girlfriend "I used to lift the dishes - it was quite hygenic" and his girlfriend's mum was listening. Catlaw Ricky owns alot of things by weeing on them. Karl says that if you are stung by a jellyfish, wee stop its hurting. "Have you ever wet the bed?" Ricky stayed at his girlfriend's parent's house and got so drunk he collapsed on the floor and amused himself trying to trip people over... and pissed on her while she was in bed.

"Put it down, it's dirty!" Ricky once thought a used condom was a discarded snakeskin and tried to torment his sister with it.

Animals. Steve's mate tried to give a dead bird the kiss of life by kissing it then throwing it in the air. Ricky killed a fish with a bow and arrow. He threw the dead fish in the drains, and he ran loads of loads journeys with handfuls of bleach to cover up the fish murder and not go to jail.

Karl had a pet magpie called "Maggie": "...it flew around and it would come to me all the time, then it started pecking me head..." Karls mom, "Don't chase the butterfly, Karl", so Karl said he would find one in the morning.

Steve was working at the BBC, driving a hire car, ferrying actors around, a white van came into the garage while he was filling up and was offered "a couple of speakers".

Ricky's Film Review: Schindler's List: It is all black and white except for a red coat. It is about a bloke called Schindler and he wanted to save people, so he made a list. He tried to save as many as he could and not make bullets properly. They gave him a ring in the end. Same bloke who made ET. Ricky gives it 9 out of 10. Karl hasn't seen it and gives it a 9 out of 10 because of that red coat effect. It was just a mistake apprantly. Lord of the Rings: Brilliant film even though its about wizards called gonads with beard. Robbie Coltrane is in it. Swords and stuff and some magic. He is the actual Lord of the Rings. Ricky gives it 9 out of 10. Karl isn't convinced but still gives it a 9 out of 10.

That was a load of shit, sorry about that. Ricky hates Muse, but Karl accuses him of buying LFO. Karl panders to the listeners. What's the difference between Muse and Radiohead - phone in.

Steve saw The White Stripes this week - "best band I've seen since a little band I saw called Oasis for a fiver at Coventry Poly". Stephen lists more about the instruments used than the actual expeirence.

Keep to a playlist. "I don't want to ever play "Feeling Good" again, or Kosheen," or Basement Jaxx. Play 5 songs over and over again. Ricky is willing to take bribes, like "Carter have sent me some chocolates..." "Anything there from the Senseless Things or the Wonder Stuff?"

Make up. "Let's go and kiss and touch Karl"

Song for the Lovers: Neil Young - "Man Needs A Maid"

Song for the Ladies: Drugstore - "White Magic For Lovers"

That Playstation Game Sounds Good: Feeder - "Just A Day"

Hip-hop Hooray: Mad Skillz