Karlology Blog Week 2

Karlology Blog September 2008 - November 2008 List of entries

Entries: Week 1 - 8 September 2008 Week 2 - 15 September 2008 Week 3 - 22 September 2008 Week 4 - 29 September 2008 Week 5 - 6 October 2008 Weeks 6-7 - 14 October 2008 Weeks 8-10 - 30 October 2008

Karl continues to be fascinated by strange inventions and insects this week.

September 15th, 2008

Watched a Film

Suzanne rented a DVD at the Weekend. Pirates of the Caribbean - At Worlds End. I didn’t enjoy it cos I didn’t know what was going on half the time. Plus there were too many things that made it too unbelievable for me to get into it, like the Davy Jones character who had an octopus for a head but still wore a Pirates hat. I asked Suzanne where would he have got a hat from that fits an octopus. She told me to shush.

If I was Davy, I think I’d prefer to live in the sea with other octopus where I’d be like a super octopus with human body, rather than live on land and be a human with octopus head.

I’ve heard that octopus have ever lasting arms. If they lose one, it eventually grows back, so I don’t know why they have eight all at once. I bet some of those arms get in the way more than they are useful. I’ve only got two and I find my left arm doesn’t do that much for me, it’s main job is to pass stuff to my right arm.

While Suzanne watched the film, I thought what it would have been like to work on a pirate ship. It must have been a dangerous job cos every pirate you see has an arm, leg and eye missing. (ideal job for an octopus I suppose) I’m all for equal opportunities but I don’t think I’d be happy getting on a ship if the captain was in that shape. Walking about a ship that’s rocking all over the place isn’t easy as it is, so if you’ve only got one leg and one arm I’d say it isn’t the ideal job. They must have had bad careers advisors back then.

Maybe we don’t have as many pirates these days as if you’re legless or armless and in search of gold and silver you can just enter the Paralympic games instead.

September 16th, 2008

Art

Thought I’d talk about Art after this sold for £10.3 million yesterday.

Damien Hurst is the fella behind it. He’s done other pieces that are quite similar to this one. He’s also pickled a zebra, a shark, a sheep and a pig. He’s like Noah’s evil brother.

I’m not a fan of buying art cos my eyes get bored of looking at the same thing after a while. I don’t think I’m alone on this as there’s always been trends when it comes to Art. In the 1980’s everyone had one of these:

Then they went out of fashion so people got rid of em, but it wouldn’t be that easy to get shut of a dead sheep when you get fed up with it. I had enough problems getting the council to shift an old mattress for me.

Before I buy anything I always go through a few questions in my mind.

1) Do I really need it 2) Have I got room for it 3) When I come to move house, will it be a pain to shift

That’s why I don’t think I’d ever buy a calf with gold feet in a tank.

Also, when it came to selling my house I think it could put people off. I struggled selling my last place just cos of a touch of damp I had on me wall, so it doesn’t take the House Doctor to tell me that having a dead zebra in the front room might put a few people off.

I’ve wroted about my day at the Tate Modern in Karlology – Out October 1st. Available for pre-order on Amazon.co.uk

September 17th, 2008

alright

It is a week ago today that they turned on the big bang machine. I only found out this morning that’s it’s still on, and will be left on for a few years. Seems a bit unfair that they are allowed to leave that massive thing churning away, yet I keep being told by EDF to save energy by making sure I turn off the standby light on me telly before I go to bed.

Everyone was on edge this time last week cos we didn’t know if the day was gonna end early. I read the letters pages in the newspapers the day after. Some people had written in to say how the fear of the World ending had made them change their attitude to life. One said they were now going to live their life by the rules of Ronan Keating. Ronan sang a song about how you should be happy all the time and that you should be ‘living everyday as if it’s your last’, which to be honest, I’ve never really understood. If I knew it was me last day alive I wouldn’t be that happy. I’d be moody all day. I think everyone would be. When me Dad was in hospital, there was a fella next to him who was on his death bed. Me Dad said he just spent the whole of his last day alive moaning about being in pain with trapped wind. So he would have found it difficult to be full of beans wouldn’t he.

Saying that, maybe that’s what he needed.

Anyway, that was the big news last week. This week Ricky seems to be filling the newspaper columns.

This is taken from the New York Times.

He’s like Snow White, but instead of dwarves with different moods, he has a selection of heads to choose from.

September 18th, 2008

Good Inventions

If you’ve heard the Ricky Gervais Show Series 5 (out now), you’ll have heard me talking about good inventions and how I like the idea of having a tie with pockets. I think it’s good cos it gives the tie a reason to exist. (My drawing below)

If I want to know if an invention is a good idea, I try to imagine having to explain the use of the item to an alien. I think I would find it tricky to get them to wear one as it wouldn’t see the point and I think aliens are not like us when it comes to materialistic stuff. Proof of this is the inside of UFO’s (Close Encounters of Third Kind film- Directors cut) they always seem to be quite clutter free, and this is why I think I’d struggle convincing an alien to pop a tie on (one without pockets that is) as it’s just clutter clothing.

I mention all this as I see that someone else has tried to improve the tie. The fella below has added a small fan that can be switched on if you get a bit too hot.

I’d say just take the tie off if you’re hot, but still, at least he’s tried to make the tie useful.

I’d also find it quite difficult to sell the idea of having a pet to an alien, this is why I was surprised that cat mops never caught on. Click here to see my animation about Cat Mops

And if the alien is allergic to cats. I’d advise it to have kids.

September 19th, 2008

ALRIGHT

Well after I mentioned that aliens would not wear ties on yesterdays blog, I found some photos in the new edition of the Fortean Times to prove that I’m right.

Thanks for sending the facts in for the ‘Learn Me Something’ part of the blog. I like the one about ants.

“It would take 60,113 leaf cutter ants to lift a ten pound picnic basket.” Who asked for that estimate? What if on that occasion a few of them were stronger than the average ant? Next time you got 60,113 ants together to shift your picnic basket they might not manage it. And what if one tripped up and let go of the basket, all the other 60,112 would be squashed. I’d say play it safe and make sure you go for 60,500 ants if you want a ten pound picnic basket moving…or just get an animal more suited to do the job.

I read they’ve done other tests on ants where they put coloured dots on them to see if ants do the same jobs in their nest each day. Turns out they do. Which goes to show, everyone likes a routine.

If you’ve heard the new series of the Ricky Gervais show (now on itunes), you’ll know that me Mam has put Tipex on the back of the spider that lives under the telly in their house. It’s been living there for quite a bit. She did it so she knows that it’s the same one. I doubt it’ll ever leave the house now, it’s probably too embarrassed to be seen out. She said it has also been useful as it stands out more on the dark carpet so there’s less chance of her vacing it up.

I looked on youtube to see if I could find some ants lifting stuff. Here’s about 150 ants shifting a lizard.

At least that’s what I think it is. It could just be a lizard crowd surfing. They might be strong but it all looks like a bit of a shambles. It looks like they have no idea where they are supposed to be taking it. They’re like the Chuckle Brothers shifting a pair of ladders.

Seems to be a lot of ants just running around doing nothing as well. Ants are brilliant at looking busy. They remind me of them people who throw their tie over their right shoulder just so it looks like they’ve been rushing about and have been busy . I suppose that’s one purpose of a tie.

Karlology might be in a few book shops this weekend so look out for that or order it here.

Blog back Monday