29 March 2003/Transcript

This is a transcription of the 29 March 2003 episode, from Xfm Series 2

That's Safe, You're Going Home with That

Song: Placebo – The Bitter End.

Ricky: Placebo, The Bitter End, on Xfm 104.9, I’m Ricky Gervais. With me, is both Stephen Merchant and Karl, the K- Man Pilkington.

Steve: Ah-ha.

Ricky: So… you’ve already got that, that’s safe it’s only four minutes past. You’ve had Placebo and you’ve got us three, s-so…

Steve: You’re definitely going home with that.

Ricky: Yeah.

Ricky laughs.

Steve: Whatever happens.

Ricky: That’s safe, that’s – that’s on its way to the hospice.

Steve laughs.

Steve: Exactly, you’ve banked that.

Ricky: Yeah. Now, do you wanna gamble all that to go on and listen for another two hours – you could walk away now and you’ve - you’re up.

Steve: Yeah. You’re up.

Ricky: You’re up.

Steve: You’re already up.

Ricky: Right, that’s brilliant.

Steve: You have not wasted any time.

Ricky: Or… do you wanna gamble that against another two hours, it might be shoddy, it might go downhill, but it might get even better Karl, what do you say they do, listen for another two hours?

Karl: ..yeah…

Ricky: See, we shouldn’t have done that.

Steve: We shouldn’t have asked Karl.

Ricky: Ohh…

Steve: ‘Cos a lot of ‘em now are already taking what they’ve got.

Ricky laughs.

Steve: And what they’ve got is great, Rick, what they’ve got is lovely.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: They’re loving that, they’re gonna enjoy that.

Ricky: We have got… Monkey News, we’ve got Cheap as Chimps – that’s not the same thing!

Steve laughs.

Steve: A lot of people…

Ricky: How many radio stations have got two ape related, simian features?

Steve: Rick, can I point out now a lot of people are making that mistake, a lot of people are thinking that Monkey News is exactly the same as Cheap as Chimps.

Ricky and Steve: It’s not.

Ricky: It’s not.

Steve: Let’s keep that clear.

Ricky: It’s not. It’s not. It’s in the same ballpark, but it’s, it’s n… it’s not the same.

Steve: There are apes r – that are involved.

Ricky: They’re involved, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. We’ve also got some great music… yeah, we’ve got an amusing sketch about a fly.

Steve and Ricky laugh.

Steve: Have we?

Ricky: No.

Steve: Aw, I was looking forward to that.

Ricky: Ohhhh. And Mystique are dropping in.

Steve: Let’s hope the Mystique ladies are coming in.

Ricky laughs.

Steve: Singing their new hit for us.

Ricky: Yeah look, I wanna, I wanna kick off with a song, that is… you know you’ve got like, half a dozen posing songs that when you’re sort of like between fourteen and eighteen, they were the ones you’d put on to get ready to go out, or just posing round or, or be that pop star, or think you’re on stage or whatever, or in the video.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: And embarrassingly, I reme… I jus… dug this out and I remembered I used to pose to this like a motherf…er when I was about fourteen, right. This is Street Life, by Roxy Music. You used to do…

Steve: Mine was, uhhh… mine was Oops Upside Your Head.

Ricky: Yeah, haha, yeah.

Steve: It was just me, on the floor, in me bedroom. One day I thought, one day I thought there’ll be other people in this imaginary pose.

Ricky and Steve laugh.

Ricky: Yeah, yeah. Elbows going everywhere.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Knocking over vases…

Steve: Yeah. But then I remember later, it was Black Lace’s Superman, which is something similar, do you remember that? That was brilliant.

Ricky: Well.

Steve: Spray! Ski!

Steve sings the tune to Black Lace Superman.}}

Ricky: If you’ve, uh, um, out there in radio land, got any funny – funny jokes, then call in on…

Steve: E-mail ‘em in, ‘cos we need some.

Ricky: Aww.

Song: Roxy Music – Street Life.