22 December 2001

Xfm Series 1 November 2001 - May 2002 List of episodes

Episodes: 10 November 2001 (Transcript) 17 November 2001 (Transcript) 24 November 2001 (Transcript) 01 December 2001 (Transcript) 08 December 2001 (Transcript) 15 December 2001 (Transcript) 22 December 2001 (Transcript) 12 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.1 19 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.2 26 January 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.3 09 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.4 16 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.5 23 February 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.6 02 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.7 09 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.8 16 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.9 23 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.10 30 March 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.11 06 April 2002 (Transcript) Early Years Ep.12 13 April 2002 (Transcript) 20 April 2002 (Transcript) 27 April 2002 (Transcript) 04 May 2002 (Transcript)

Claire sits in for Karl and is equally as gormless as the boys discuss all things Christmas.

Track Listing

For a full transcript of this episode see 22 December 2001/Transcript

1. Flip The Bird (0:00:00)

Ricky and Steve are transitioned over the previous show, chatting with Dermot O'Leary. It is revealed that Claire Sturgess is helping the duo out today.

2. Clean For Christmas (0:01:21)

Introductions, and Sturgess is in the house, luckily not smacked out of her mind. The boys take the mick for a bit, and wish her a Merry Christmas.

3. Twin Spin (0:02:58)

Gervais doesn't make it back in time, so another record needs to be played.

4. Gervais Is A Generous Man And A Thoughtful Man (0:03:13)

Steve analyses Ricky's tea-making/dunking techniques. The subject changes to Christmas and Ricky is shamed about buying his family £200 of scratchcards last year.

5. Too Old To Be Doing This (0:05:48)

Did Ricky call Steve "Jonathan"? Or was Steve just mocking his Jonathan Ross appearance? It's the Christmas season, so "it's topical". Ricky still managed to be spoilt at Christmas despite his working-class roots and recalls when he became too old for it. Steve remembers wanting a Scalextric, but becoming bored instantly with it.

6. I'm Gonna Buy That On The Way Home (0:09:32)

Steve is charmed with hip-hop (OutKast is a dynamite buy). Princess Superstar is a bit like Timmy Mallet.

7. I Can Advance Nature (0:14:30)

Ricky remembers getting a microscope set. He attempted to accelerate the growth of little shrimp by throwing them all the electric fire. Them shrimps did not see the light of day. Steve embarrasses himself live on air before getting onto the topic of fake Rolexes.

8. The Man With The Knowledge (0:18:12)

Steve Taylor, the Man with the Knowledge, pops in. Ricky compares his head to a tennis ball before trying out some Unwinese.

9. What You Want To Buy Is A Pornographic Magazine (0:20:47)

A lot of punk going on today at Xfm, but the geeks and Nu Metal is still taking over the world though. In fact, it's the year of the geeks, Harry Potter is out. Steve is disappointed at the lack of nudity. Ricky recommends pornography.

10. He's Just The Same As Me (0:23:16)

Christmas songs are discussed. Claire talks about an encounter of sorts with Shirley Bassey. Steve thinks Paul McCartney should buy Heather Mills a bionic leg. But it would cost 6 million dollars of course. And while on the topic, why didn't the Six Million Dollar Man's back ever collapse? Why was there a bionic horse? Does anyone remember the bionic man? The final Cover Me Up is played.

11. Does That Make Us Bad People? (0:31:13)

Just because the listeners don't like it, doesn't make Ricky and Steve bad people.

12. Über Roast Dinner (0:31:51)

Steve and Ricky engage in a extensive discussion on Christmas Dinner. Steve reveals how his grandparents eat meat due to their lack of teeth. Steve inquires on what vegetarians eat, but he's not a zoologist.

13. It's Too Easy To Face The Horror Of The World (0:36:14)

Ricky and Steve laugh at the unfortunate. Steve gives tactics for avoiding giving money to beggars and not buying the Big Issue. The duo bring up Denis Norden's Laughter File and how bad it is. They ponder over who's in the audience for the show. Lisa Riley is fat.

14.We Steal Your Jokes And Pass Them Off As Our Own (0:41:15)

Steve thanks the four people who e-mail, phone, and write in. Ricky embarrasses himself over Tofurky. Claire will be live on Christmas Day, so she cannot drink. As much. The spirit of Denis Norden reappears.

15. Sadly, The Clock Has Beaten Us (0:48:26)

Ricky tries to end the show.

16. Back Timing (0:52:35)

Grumpy Claire demands more seconds out the boys.

Quotes

Ricky: Of course these days it's all virtual, Steve.
Steve: That's true enough.
Ricky: Innit - in your mind.
Steve: We all take a pill, don't we Rick? And then we're in some kind of fantasy world.
Ricky: Yeah, yeah. I am Ayrton Senna for a little while.
Steve: And what about those bloody computer games, no one's reading a book anymore.
Ricky: Mummy, what's a tree? Download.

Ricky: Into the micropole that goes down the loudybox and out to the radiograph in homes all around Engloid!

Ricky: He's actually got little toady hands. He uses a lot of utensils. He invented all these things that go Zzzt Wizz Whot Mzz Zzzt. And it's over very quickly so he can get back to learning.

Playlist

New Order - Crystal
Linkin Park - Points Of Authority
Paul Weller - ?
Mercury Rev - The Dark is Rising
U2 - Ground Beneath Her Feet
Oasis - Live Forever
Princess Superstar - Bad Babysitter
Ten Benson - Black Snow
Starsailor - Lullaby
The Hives - Hate to Say I Told You So
Stereophonics - Handbags and Gladrags
Cover Me Up: Kings of Convenience - Once Around the Block
PJ Harvey - This Is Love
Travis - Driftwood
The White Stripes - Fell in Love with a Girl
The Pogues - Fairy Tale of New York
Song For The Ladies: Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Love Letter
Joni Mitchell - River