Dictionary of Karl Pilkington

Karl has a unique way of speaking. Karl's idiolect is made up of old-fashioned sayings, Mancunian slang, and correct English that has been misspoken or misused. Below are examples of Karl's one-of-a-kind speech.

A

• Ages ago - see years ago
• 'Airy - hairy: 'airy Chinese kid
• Alrigh' - hello / goodbye / how are you? / great / good / okay / not great. Sense is determined by tone and context.
• Analogy - "sort of a little story told quickly"
• An' tha' - usually meaningless, sometimes meaning etcetera.
• Annoyed - any of various degrees of irritation. One of the very few feelings Karl identifies.
• Antiduian - "Old", possibly from antediluvian
• Aphrodite - Hermaphrodite
• Apparently - a disjunct indicating that the concurrent sentence is almost certainly bollocks
• Art - "something for your eyes to look at"
• Atomic - "exploding": Exploding pet... that's Atomic Kitten

B

• Baba - Babylon: Evertonians are from Everton, so Babylonians are from Baba.
• Badder - worse: then it got a bit badder.
• Blokage - manliness, signs that one is a man: When meeting a tranny, you should look for signs of blokage
• Bom boms - bon bons.
• Boo-boo - pooh-pooh: You've boo-booed the idea of...
• Boswell - Roswell (New Mexico)
• Bozwollocks - boswellox, not a good name for an ingredient according to Karl
• Brain case - head, skull
• Bum tube - enema, colonic irrigation: No bum tubes though.
• Bungled in - bundled in: I don't wanna be bungled in
• Bung on - put on: I'll bung a song on then

C

• Chinese - any oriental nationality
• Clackering - a bad beating: Leroy gave us a right good clackerin'.
• Clive Warren - Clive Owen
• Colly - cauliflower
• Condensity - consistency: Tic Tacs have a similar condensity to kitty litter
• Conglomblury - the medical term for the plica located on right side of the rectum: if you feel to the right, that's the conglomblury
• Crop/croppage - crops: too much fruit about, so just crop
• Cropping - farming: who's gonna do the cropping?
• Cryptic - forming some semblance of weak pun; "craptic" as Stephen Merchant aptly describes
• Cyclop - cyclops, a man with one eye

D

• Demick/demicky - ersatz / improper: the thing is, right, if you have a lot of something, you also have a lot of demick ones, don't you...
• Diskartis - Descartes
• Diss - insult
• Drawned - drawn: you're more drawned to things that keep your eyes interested

E

• Effin' 'n' jeffin' - swearing: me brother was effin' 'n' jeffin' all the time
• Egypt bloke - Egyptian man
• Elephantitis - Elephantiasis; or some similar condition as that suffered by Joseph Merrick (The Elephant Man), who is believed to have suffered some combination of neurofibromatosis type I and Proteus syndrome.

F

• Face rub - facial: ...just a posh face wash
• Faff - messing around
• Fed up - unhappy
• Flumpf - rubbish, lowbrow: They want some- some, sort of - flumpf telly, that they don't have to think about.
• Foodage - food: Whether it's a potato or a nut, it's a foodage.
• Forrest Gump - disabled person: me dad put a Forrest Gump in a wheelie bin
• Frightenedness - fear: he had a look of frightendness on his face
• Fuckerage - problems: it's added to the fuckerage.

G

• Glunge - wet muck / filth: I was up to my shoulder Steve, in like- glunge
• Goes - says
• Gozzin' - spitting: the octopus was gozzin' about everywhere
• Greenness - primitive life form. In the beginning, air created the greenness
• Grippage - grip: there's a lot of grippage on the side of the building

H

• Havin' it away - having sex: we were on holiday, and we were havin' it away an' that...
• Hypotenuse - an angle off straight: ...went off at a hypotenuse.

I

• Iceland - Antarctica
• In't - isn't

K

• Kidded - tricked: It's like your brain is being kidded
• Knob - penis
• Knobhead - Karl's favourite insult
• Knockin' about - around, in the area: turned out.. a monkey was knockin' about
• Kusabi - wasabi: I'm serving some right rubbish tonight, give 'em some of that kusabi

L

• Lake - a type of river
• Learn - teach: I'll learn you something there
• Leg rubber, (professional) - masseur / masseuse
• Limsy - cross between limp and flimsy.
• Little - totally meaningless adjective often used to describe characters in Karl's anecdotes or stories.
• Little gay fella - any homosexual male, not necessarily a small one: there was this little gay fella...

M

• Macs - individuals with surnames beginning with "Mac-"
• Mam - mother
• Manmoth - a cross between a human and a moth.
• Me - my / a consciousness exogenous to one's brain: Am I me or me brain?
• Mentalist - someone with a low IQ
• Miminalistic - minimalistic: A coupla years back, people went miminalistic
• Molish - a characteristic of people who live underground
• Moly - covered in moles: Auntie Nora's back is moly
• Monkey - any non-human primate, usually a chimpanzee
• Mongs - mongooses
• Moped over - slumped, slouched: moped over in a wheelchair
• Mr. Exorcist - an exorcist

N

• News - anything that has been written on the internet at any point

O

• Olden days, (the) - see years ago
• Otherness - other, more evolved forms of life than greenness. From the greenness came otherness
• Our kid - brother or sister
• Oven - Karls excuse to prove Suzanne wrong, as he had to pay an £80 call out charge for a broken fuse, which he could have easily fixed. Suzanne: Karl, call someone out. Karl: Oven

P

• Palaco - alpaca: It doesn't want to be somewhere else. It's where it was. And that's the same with this palaco, or whatever.
• Papa People - natives of Papua New Guinea: these Papa People, right...
• Pikelet - a thin crumpet
• Plunge things - ear plugs
• Posh badge - broach
• Power - a species specific ability, such as an ant's ability to lift things
• Probleming - troubling, causing problems: Whilst I'm sat here [my legs] are not probleming me

R

• Ravin' about - thinks well of: everyone's ravin' about Einstein an' tha'.
• Remembered - reminded: now that you've remembered me that...
• Replemishing - replenishing: I needed to replemish 'cos I was so tired
• Rob'er - Robert: Rob'er Plant
• Rockbusters - a quiz where "cryptic" clues and initials are given for a musical artist to be guessed, a shameless rip-off of the popular television show Blockbusters.
• Rum 'un - wrong 'un, ne'er-d'well: she was a rum 'un
• Rummanging - rummaging: he started rummanging

S

• Six billion - "loads"
• Squoze - squeezed; squeeze (past imperfect): he came in at one o'clock and squoze it then!
• Squozed - squeezed; squeeze (past perfect): That's before the stress of, you know, having heads squozed an' that
• Scruffily - in a scruffy, disorganized manner
• Sleep - "when you're sort of shut-down"
• Sluggage - slugs or slug matter
• Stressed out - stressed one of the few feelings Karl can identify
• Suzanne - Karl's girlfriend
• Swede woman - Swedish woman

T

• Tenseness - tension: you've got a lot of tenseness there
• Testerone - testosterone
• The Conga - the Congo
• Them - these / those
• Thetht - theft, robbin'
• Tight - careful with money, not generous.
• Thump - to hit, to punch
• Ting - to rattle or bounce in a metallic fashion: you could hear one tingin' its way up the tube
• Tink - to knock glasses together
• Tong - tongue
• Tubberware - tupperware: yeah, the plastic boxes
• Twinings - Karl's favourite brand of tea.
• Typhoo - A very strong brand of tea bag: Typhoo means lots of milk

U

• Uglely - ugly: I heard we're all gonna go uglely.
• Uncomfy - uncomfortable
• Uppered - promoted: they get sort of... what's the word... sort of uppered too early

W

• Webbage - web: ...floating around on a bit of webbage
• Weird - something that is interesting or odd to Karl, "thing's you don't see"
• Wewe - an old female ghost with drooping breasts: I said she might end up becoming a wewe.
• What have yer - whatnot
• What's-her-name: when Karl can't find the right word he says this, whether it's a woman, man, place, event etc.: I went to what's-her-name... barley street
• Whop - reveal, to remove from covering: she whopped 'em out and he started suckin' on 'em an' that
• Willy-nillily - carefree: but you just said it willy-nillily
• World, (the) - The Earth The Earth is our world; it's the World
• Worry hole - the part of the brain that casts doubt: Everyone's got to fill that worry hole with worries.
• Wroted - written: someone had wroted - uh!

X

• XFM - the radio station Karl was discovered on

Y

• Years ago - some time between the origin of the universe and a couple of years ago; also ages ago and (the) olden days.