23 March 2002/Transcript

This is a transcript of the 23 March 2002 episode, from Xfm Series 1

Pop a Jumper On

Song: Richard X and Sugarbabes - Are Freaks Electric

Ricky: Are Freaks Electric, Richard X and the Sugarbabes on Xfm 104.9 Steve.

Steve: Absolutely.

Ricky: I’m Ricky Gervais, with me Steve Merchant.

Steve: Hello.

Ricky: Karl, the err producer.

Karl: Right.

Ricky: 7 minutes past one, of a Saturday, and what a lovely Saturday it is.

Steve: It is indeed.

Ricky: Well, it looks nice but it's deceptive because I went out, and I just had a t-shirt on and I had me jumper wrapped round me, I got out there and I thought, this is chilly.

Steve laughs

Ricky: And I had to put on, pop the jumper on.

Steve: Ooh no.

Ricky: So err, you know just be careful, if you err you know looking out of the window thinking oh i'll go outside, pop a jumper on or, or a jacket because it looks nice, but it is a little bit colder, than it looks.

Steve: Rick, can I ask, were you wearing the jumper tied round your waist with a knot, or did you have it over your shoulders maybe like, you'd just jumped off a yacht.

Ricky: I popped it round my waist, and i'll tell you why. I tucked my t-shirt in for neatness and comfort.

Steve: Lovely.

Ricky: But I know, even I know that's a little bit dorky.

Steve: Sure.

Ricky: So I was trying to hide the belt line.

Steve: Ok.

Ricky: So err, then I popped the jumper on didn't have to worry about it so.

Steve: Did you go with the double knot?

Ricky: I didn't, I.

Steve: Because that can loosen if you're not careful, specially if you're carrying bags or you're busy on the tube.

Ricky: I know, well I wouldn't mind that as long as I didn't lose it, as long as I saw it loosen and fall I’d pick it up.

Steve: You'd be so devestated if you lost it.

Ricky: And then clean it, not in the err washing machine though.

Steve: Go on.

Ricky: I’d pop it in a cold wa- soak.

Steve: Ok.

Ricky: And then leave it out on a few towels or summat, or put it over the radiator.

Steve: So what's the problem with err, putting it in a hot wash?

Ricky: Well it can, cause, shinkage.

Steve: Aww no.

Ricky: So err, coming up we've got loads of tunes, we're gonna be playing erm some of the best bands around, some new ones, some old ones. We might even play some err Adam Ant we don't know yet.

Steve laughs

Steve: Let's have err Badly Drawn Boy though err shall we karl? Current single.

Song: Badly Drawn Boy-Silent Sigh

Nice to Meet You, Ken

Ricky: Badly Drawn Boy there, Silent Sigh. Is that the one with the duck, karl?

Steve: Yes.

Ricky: Yeah. Apparently he's stopped wearing his hat around because he keeps getting recognised, and he's gonna not wear his hat, doesn't want to get recognised.

Steve: Ok.

Ricky: Maybe pop it in the wash.

Steve: Mmm, be careful, just have a light cold rinse.

Ricky: Err, light cold rinse, soak it because it's woolen, right, and then just leave it out on a towel. Or you know maybe in, err near the immersion heater.

Steve: Sure.

Ricky: Or over a radiator.

Steve: Over a radiator is that a problem?

Ricky: It CAN Cause! that sort of you know, damaging to the fibres of the wool.

Steve: Ok.

Karl: Yeah, he had a kid last week.

Ricky: Did he?

Karl: Yep.

Steve: Who did?

Karl: Badly Drawn Boy.

Steve: Oh right ok.

Ricky: Badly Drawn little boy.

Karl: Yep.

Ricky: He's gonna call it, innie?

Steve: Brilliant Rick.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Well done.

Ricky: It's sort of satire.

Steve: Mmm, I’d like to see that as a headline in a tabloid.

Ricky: "Stand and deliver, hoI hoi, money or your life" boom boom, uhh. Erm now.

Steve laughs

Ricky: Carry on.

Steve: Aww. Can we explain why that's funny?

Ricky: Don't panic Karl I’m a professional, don't worry.

Steve: What's your concern karl?

Ricky: What's your concern?

Karl: Nothing.

Steve: Tell us.

Karl: No.

Ricky: You can say!

Karl: I can't.

Ricky: You can!

Karl: This is so unprofessional.

Ricky: It's what? What? what have we done?

Steve: What talking about wool?

Karl: No.

Steve: Come on Karl what's the problem?

Ricky: What's the problem?

Karl: You say.

Ricky laughs

Ricky: He's great innie? He's lovely.

Steve: He's so scared, come on Karl tell us.

Karl: I don't know all the ins and out so I don't want to get into it.

Ricky: What?

Karl: The thing.

Ricky: Well look.

Steve: You can't, well people are perplexed now, what's the thing karl?

Ricky: What's the thing? What you worried about? Say.

Steve: Is it an e-mail? That's been recieved by the head of Xfm?

Karl: You've got the e-mail open you can have a read.

Ricky: You can talk about, you can say what it.

Steve: Ok let me just see.

Ricky: Without you know.

Steve: I don't understand it "Please note that under ruling at the Old Bailey, any reference to Adam Ant's state of mental illness in any news report will consitute a breach of ruling, and will lead to serious action from his lawyers".

Ricky: That's right, and that's true, and that subject, we can't talk about that. You can play his records, and sing.

Steve: Sing his classic songs.

Ricky: Sing songs.

Karl: Yeah well best just to leave it innit?

Ricky: Yeah but that's what we, yeah, Karl was a little bit worried. There's no way I was going to mention that or influence anything and I totally agree with the law, so don't panic Karl.

Karl: That should've never been sent to you.

Ricky laughs

Ricky and Steve: Why?

Karl: Because it's like, you know, accidents happen.

Ricky: Go on then.

Karl: When things like that happen right? You know, you've been told not to mention it.

Ricky: Yep.

Karl: And you're like a little kid.

Ricky: Yep.

Karl: And, once things are in your 'ead.

Ricky: Yep.

Karl: It's difficult not to mention it, I mean. When err I was a kid.

Ricky: Yep.

Steve: Go on.

Karl: Me err, me mam's sister Hazel, was seeing another bloke. Erm, it's weird cos she's a lesbian now.

Ricky laughs

Karl: That's really weird.

Steve: That must've been an interesting Christmas.

Karl: But anyway, seeing this bloke and he looked like Ken Dodd, apparently.

Steve: He looked like Ken Dodd?

Karl: Looked like Ken Dodd, so people said don't mention it cos it gets, it gets on his nerves when you like meet him and you go, ohh you look like Ken Dodd. So he said alright so his name's Will or whatever. And err I was introduced to him, first thing I said "nice to meet you Ken".

Ricky and Steve laugh

Steve: Did you do it as a joke or did you?

Karl: No no because, you know when you know that's it's like I’m not allowed to say that.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Can't mustn't say that, and then I saw him and thought Jesus, it does look like him.

Ricky laughs

Karl: And it just came out.

Steve: Was it Doddy who turned her into a lesbo d'ya think?

Karl: Well, he wasn't a good looking bloke, so, possibly.

Ricky: She started going out with Estha Ranson then, which is weird out of the frying pan.

Steve: When did she start lesbianism then, when did she annouce that to everyone? What age was she when she realised.

Karl: Well me, I mean we're not a close family, d'you know what I mean?

Ricky: No.

Karl: We're not the sort of family that keeps in touch with everyone, and I think me mam called her up one Christmas, and sort of said how's how's Will?

Steve: How's Doddy man?

Ricky laughs

Karl: And so err, and err she said "Aww no I’m not, I don't do that anymore, I’m knocking about with sandra or whatever".

Ricky: Right.

Karl: And it was like Ohh right.

Ricky: No big butch Sandra with the big earings and skinhead? Used to live down the road from you?

Karl: I don't know I.

Ricky: Used to get Doc Martin's, wholesale, that Sandra?

Karl: But she lived, she had a haunted house.

Ricky: Go on.

Karl: Erm.

Steve: Who, Sandra?

Karl: No 'azel.

Steve: Right, is this before she was a lesbian or not?

Karl: Before.

Steve: Ok.

Karl: And erm, there was a bike in the hall and the pedals used to go backwards.

Steve: What was in the hall?

Karl: Her bike.

Ricky and Steve Laugh.

Ricky: That's handy innit? Aww that's great. Don't worry we won't do anything.

Steve: Sorry, no there was, I wanna hear about the ho-, haunted house, there was a bike in the hall.

Karl: There was a bike in the hall and the pedals used to go backwards on their own, and also, shoes used to stick to the wall or something.

Ricky: Did they?

Karl: Yeah.

Steve: Shoes used to stick to the wall?

Karl: Yep.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Ok.

Ricky: That sounds like a.

Steve: That's a haunted house.

Ricky: Hell of a household. Yeah. Aww dear.

Karl: There we go.

Steve: Brilliant.

Ricky: Maybe she should clean the walls.

Song:There she goes - The La's.