Ricky Gervais Quotes By Date

This a collection of opinions and quotes by Ricky Gervais listed by date. Click here to see Ricky Gervais Quotes By Topic.

17 November 2001 (Xfm series 1)

“Well, from Bubba Sparxxx, to... Sparky Bubbs... Those... Sparky Bubb boys, Suede.”
-Xfm 17 November 2001

15 December 2001 (Xfm series 1)

“We can edit this out, can’t we? It’s not live, is this?”
-Xfm 15 December 2001

(getting annoyed) “Play a record. Play two records.”
-Xfm 15 December 2001

22 December 2001 (Xfm series 1)

“Into the micropole that goes down the loudybox and out to the radiograph in homes all around Engloid!”
-Xfm 22 December 2001

23 March 2002 (Xfm series 1)

“Staaand and deliver. Oy yoy. Money or your life! Ha!”
-Xfm 23 March 2002

30 March 2002 (Xfm series 1)

“Now – I like Cox in the morning.”
-Xfm 30 March 2002

13 April 2002 (Xfm series 1)

“Oh! Bob Drillboids. Flap on the Trap with 'Where's the Sailor Gone To?' With Ricky Gervais and Stevela Mitchlings!”
-Xfm 13 April 2002

20 April 2002 (Xfm series 1)

“If I want anyone's opinion... I don't.”
-Xfm 20 April 2002

04 May 2002 (Xfm series 1)

“What's the Great Pilkoni going to do?”
-Xfm 04 May 2002

24 August 2002 (Xfm series 2)

“Yeah, it's a human being that hides in your wardrobe eats an entire jacket in a day. What do you mean 'Man moths'!? Mammoths! Mammoths! The big hairy cow from the Ice Age. I mean... elephant.”
-Xfm 24 August 2002

31 August 2002 (Xfm series 2)

“And then we discovered he's not just a little... like a little... dork, a little Mancy sort of idiot. He's got a nice shirt. He's got something else.”
-Xfm 31 August 2002

07 September 2002 (Xfm series 2)

“It is the sort of women who buy those sort of porcelain dolls and go ‘Look I've had a baby-‘ ‘-It's not a a real b-‘ ‘It is a real baby! You wanna stab, you?!’"
-Xfm 07 September 2002

21 September 2002 (Xfm series 2)

“I listened to an old show and I listened to me, and I sounded like the most inarticulate, brain-damaged old drunk I have ever heard given a show.”
-Xfm 21 September 2002

12 October 2002 (Xfm series 2)

“Play a record then! Do something! For Christ's sake!”
-Xfm 12 October 2002

19 October 2002 (Xfm series 2)

“Sorry, sorry, I thought it was shite. I didn't know it was on the internet.”
-Xfm 19 October 2002

30 November 2002 (Xfm series 2)

“Why do you want to confuse machines? Do you remember when he put in ‘why’ to a computer search engine to try to confuse it. I want the computer to come back ‘why not’ and your head explode.”
-Xfm 30 November 2002

21 December 2002 (Xfm series 2)

“I love the fact that you’ve got an expert, and then suggest that she’s gonna be having sex with Noah!”
-Xfm 21 December 2002

18 January 2003 (Xfm series 2)

“I'm telling you Karl, I'm leavin'. I am never doing this show again.”
-Xfm 18 January 2003

15 February 2003 (Xfm series 2)

“Don't blaspheme on air.”
-Xfm 15 February 2003

15 March 2003 (Xfm series 2)

“Karl, when was the last time Steve wrestled you to the ground and got you in a leg clamp?”
-Xfm 15 March 2003

“I love the fact that the normal bit of that is the well known phrase 'There's this hairy Chinese kid'. Like, nothing happened there. That's normal.”
-Xfm 15 March 2003

29 March 2003 (Xfm series 2)

“But what are we talking about, sex scenes? Are we talking about kissing or are we talking about penetration and looking at the camera, going 'You enjoying this Pilkingtons?'”
-Xfm 29 March 2003

“Hold on. I don't know what we're doing now with our lives, Steve.”
-Xfm 29 March 2003

12 April 2003 (Xfm series 2)

“[Karl] even makes twaddle complicated.”
-Xfm 12 April 2003

26 April 2003 (Xfm series 2)

"Don't. Talk. Shite. Twice."
-Xfm 26 April 2003

17 May 2003 (Xfm series 2)

“I love songs you write when you're 14. You know, three chords and it's always stuff like 'There's a man/He's a lonely man/Take a look at him/He looks a bit like me/It is me!'”
-Xfm 17 May 2003

31 May 2003 (Xfm series 2)

“If anyone's out there, can you write down everything Karl says from now to a year, and send it to me and Steve, 'cause we might want to put it in a book.”
-Xfm 31 May 2003

14 June 2003 (Xfm series 2)

“Look at his little face!”
-Xfm 14 June 2003

26 July 2003 (Xfm series 2)

“If you think that me and Steve are being offensive, we are strongly behind the guise of irony, satire and ignorance. Karl, only has ignorance, and hate.”
-Xfm 26 July 2003

15 November 2003 (Xfm series 3)

“Oh no that's not cryptic, that's shiiiit.”
-Xfm 15 November 2003

03 January 2004 (Xfm series 3)

“We're gonna be honest here - we know so little about China.”
-Xfm 03 January 2004

10 January 2004 (Xfm series 3)

“I've told you before Steve, stay away from working class people and bad men in trainers. 'Cause, you hang around with ne'er-do-wells, and you're gonna get your glasses knocked off.”
-Xfm 10 January 2004

17 January 2004 (Xfm series 3)

“Phone in if you wanna speak to Karl, get him to kiss a little nipple.”
-Xfm 17 January 2004

18 June 2005 (Xfm series 4)

“D'you know how many BAFTAs we've won? We can do what we want!”
-Xfm 18 June 2005

31 October 2006 (The Podfather Trilogy)

"Hilda was a bog standard old woman ... are we burnin' or burying?"
-The Podfather Part 1 - Halloween

13 November 2006 (Podcast – Bonus Disc)

“I know! You were stuffing fucking socks into a rubber cunting bag!”
-Podcast - Bonus Disc

25 November 2006 (The Podfather Trilogy)

"What's the wisdom he's going to come up with next week? That'll be brilliant. 'Your blood's paranoid.' 'You've got jealous bones.' 'You're the sort of person whose stomach's hungrier than you.'... 'You're the sort of person whose eyes can see further than you can.'
-The Podfather Part 2 - Thanksgiving

10 October 2007 (Fame Souvenir Program Podcast)

“Who the fuck's Clive Warren?!”
-Fame Souvenir Program Podcast

09 June 2008 (NME Radio Show)

“(Sammy said to us on our second day at Xfm) when are you two cunts gonna do some work before I fire you?”
-NME Radio Show

“Were these all euphemisms? ‘Well, wrestlers get it, know any wrestlers?’, ‘No doctor.’ ‘Hmmm, stroke any bald pets?’, ‘No.’ ‘OK, gay people get it! Look, are you gay, are you gay? I'm gay, I'm gay. I wanna stroke summat bald.’"
-NME Radio Show