04 January 2003/Transcript

This is a transcript of the 04 January 2003 episode, from Xfm Series 2

Can't Believe Our Luck

Ricky: Alright. Here we are then.

Steve: Haha.

R: Haha. Scorpio Rising, Death in Vegas. On XFM, 104.9. Bout five past one, Saturday. Here we are again then. Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant, Karl Pilkington.

S laughs.

R: I can't believe our luck. Aww..

R laughs.

R Alright, Karl?

Karl: Alright.

R Yep. So what we doing today then, _producer_?

S Ha! Ah, sorry I always laugh instinctively when I hear Karl's name and that word.

R Yeah.

K Right well, why's that? Because, it is... I had to come up with some new features again for this new year.

S Okay, I'm excited.

K What have you come up with?

S Haha. We are the backbone of this show, Karl.

R Yeah, we're gunna... we'll tell you.. we've come up with some pretty.. what's yours first?

K Right.

R Go on.

K Right well, Rockbusters.

R That's old. That's not a new feature.

K Yeah but we'll keep it.

R Right.

S So you're just keeping an old feature.

R Okay. No it's an old favourite, I'm sure there's alot of people out there going, 'phew I was worried that he'd lose Rockbusters'.

S Rick, I've just come up with a new idea, how about we just play some records that we like. There's a new idea for 2003.

R Yeah.

S laughs.

R Oh, d'you know what, we can't, Steve. Cause the library's out of order.

S Oh yeah the record library we can't get in there, we're not allowed to get in there.

R We have to scrounge some from Capitol Gold.

K So anyway, right.

R Go on.

K So we've got Rockbusters.

R What are they doing with the library, are they getting some records in that we wanna play. Is that their new idea? I know, let's get some records in.

S Yeah they're thinning out the, uh, the Gina G.

R Yeah, yeah. Four Non-Blondes, goodbye. Give that to Foxie. Go on, sorry Karl.

K So we'll do, uh.. we started Do We Need 'Em in 2002.

S Do We Need 'Em. Of course.

R Do We Need 'Em.

K We'll continue that.

R Got a new one, haven't ya.

K I'll explain that later.

S/R Yep.

K Uh, and then the new stuff comes in.

R Oooh.

K Right uh, as always I like to sorta get words and tweak 'em and stuff.

S Sure.

R Yeah.

K So I was thinking of doing something with uh.. there's a lot of weird rituals, isn't there.

S A lot of weird rituals?

K Yeah there's weird stuff going on around the world.

S Okay.

R There is, yeah.

K Uh and I was gunna tweak that to Rick-tuals.

S Okay, alright.

R Again, started with the title, the pun first then working out what it is.

K Well we'll find some weird stuff.

S Oh right, so it's specifically..

K Just stuff that goes on like, uh..

S Rick-tuals.

K There was uh..

R Most of the weird stuff I've heard about happened to you in Manchester, in your early years.

S Yeah.

K Well in India apparently it's good to have uh, a flat head.

S/R laugh.

K So the uh..

R Again, just flirting, just bordering on the racist but never really gets there, always, go on.

S Cause there's no intent.

R There's no hate, there's no hate it's just clumsiness.

S It's just yeah, it's just ignorance.

R It's stupidity, yeah.

S What d'you mean 'it's good to have a flat head'.

R What'd'you mean 'it's good to have a flat head in India'?

K We'll talk about it later.

S Brilliant.

K That's Rick-tuals. So..

R You've hooked a few people, you've hooked a few in. Go on.

K Right so we'll have that later.

S So, is this essentially like Educating Ricky only it's specifically about rituals? Is that, strictly speaking, what it is? Okay.

K I suppose so but then you could say radio is all the same 'cause it's people talking.

S Haha, okay Karl, brilliant comeback.

R Yep, brilliant comeback. Not all talking nonsense, though.

K Well..

R So that's where we're different. Go on.

K Uh also right, I like teaching you stuff..

R Yeah, and you've done well..

K So what I'm thinking is rather than just touching on a topic, and sorta giving you a few bits of information on one topic..

R See this is what I've had to do because the last thing you taught me, I remember was there was a blind girl, she hit her head and she could see, and that's all I got.

K Yeah.

R So if you could go into that a little bit more, that would've been educating me.

K Well today we're featuring stuff on World War I and II.

S Blimey.

K Right so that's uh, that little title for all this little thing is, uh, 'War Do You Think of That Then?'

R laughs.

S 'War Do You Think of That Then?'

K So that's uh..

R Play a record.

S Rick, can I, I just thought of a joke.

R Go on.

R What's the similarity between Lord of the Rings and this show? They're both rubbish.

R chuckles.

Song starts.