Xfm Series 1

This is the first series of Xfm shows featuring Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant, and, of course, Karl Pilkington. Ricky and Steve had previous series on Xfm, but they did not feature Karl. The earliest found recording from this series is from 10 Nov 2001, but comment made in that show indicate that there had already been a few shows.

10 November 2001

10 November 2001 is the earliest known recording of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant on Xfm following their return to the station after the Capital Group takeover. The recording is incomplete, accounting for just 20 minutes of the 2 hour show. The series began several weeks before this episode, with some remembering the 06 October 2001 episode because producer Karl Pilkington forgot to turn the microphones on.

Full transcript of show

17 November 2001

Stephen talks about Mystic Meg, which bird has a penis leading onto a "cock" discussion, did you see that film last night, Gaylords Say No?, Children in Need, Ricky reviews Rain Man and Ricky asks Karl's views on The White Stripes version of "Jolene".

Partial transcript of show

24 November 2001

It's Steve's birthday, and he's hung-over, after a night out when he managed to get some of his mates in to a club "for a pound off". Steve tells of inappropriate past gifts from his father.

Full transcript of show

01 December 2001

Too many good tunes, new feature: that film sounds good
"Better than last week - no it wasn't"/50 Most Eligible Batchelors/"Steve Merchant wants a wife"
TV supplements come out too early/"My gran sounded like a squeezebox"/"We're talking rubbish"
That Film Sounds Good: Bobby Womack - "Across 110th Street"
Ricky goes boxing and was training to the Rocky soundtrack
"I hated U2 for about 15 years"
Ricky's Film Review: "My Left Foot"

Full Transcript of show

08 December 2001

"Some great records..."
"...sounds like a novelty record..."/MC Hammer used to keep a lot of bibles in his
trousers/Pilkington is a funny name
Karl had a mobile disco with Glen Makin: "Pilkie's Makin music"/Steve's stint as the Rock'n'Roll DJs/songs Ricky had to play/
Coldplay - "Yellow"
Win tickets for K-Fest
De La Soul - "Watch Out"
Steve's dad heard Steve slagging off his birthday present/Ricky once told a story about how he used to piss in the sink of the bedsit he had with his girlfriend "I used to lift the dishes - it was quite hygenic" and his girlfriend's mum was listening
Oasis - "Don't Look Back In Anger"
"Have you ever wet the bed?" Ricky stayed at his girlfriend's parent's house and got so drunk he collapsed on the floor and amused himself trying to trip people over... and pissed on her while she was in bed
Hip-hop Hooray: Mad Skillz - ""
Gorillaz - "Rok Da House"
Ricky once thought a used condom was a discarded snakeskin and tried to torment his sister with it/Steve's mate tried to give a bird the kiss of life/Ricky killed a fish with a bow and arrow/Karl had a pet magpie called "Maggie": "...it flew around and it would come to me all the time, then it started pecking me head..."
Wu Tang Clan - "Gravel Pit"
Steve was working at the BBC, driving a hire car, ferrying actors around, a white van came into the garage while he was filling up and was offered "a couple of speakers"
Song For The Lovers: Neil Young - "Man Needs A Maid"
Ricky's Film Review: "Schindler's List", "Lord Of The Rings"
Eels - ""
Muse - "Feeling Good"
"That was a load of shit, sorry about that..."/"What's the difference between Muse and Radiohead - phone in..."/Steve saw The White Stripes this week - "best band I've seen since a little band I saw called Oasis for a fiver at Coventry Poly"
Feeder - "Just A Day"
"I don't want to ever play "Feeling Good" again, or Kosheen," or Basement Jaxx. "Carter have sent me some chocolates..." "Anything there from the Senseless Things?"
Radiohead - "Just"
"Let's go and kiss and touch Karl"

15 December 2001

The Strokes - "Last Night"
Good prizes this week: trivia quiz
Coldplay - "Yellow"
"Phone in and pitch a question to us two..."
Garbage - "Cheery Lips"
"Who was the first James Bond?": Bob Holness
Fun Loving Criminal - "Scooby Snacks"
"Which food kind of doesn't make you fat?" Celery
- ""
"Bit too like Portishead..."
"The Pope wears a semi-precious stone - what is the stone?"
Basement Jaxx - "Where's Your Head At?"
"Jonathan Ross just got his massive member out..." "'Hip-Hop Hooray'? That's the worst feature on radio!"
Eminem - "Will The Real Slim Shady"
U2 - "Beautiful Day"
"When did you suddenly become the daddy?" "Am-thurst"/"What's the most expensive pub in London?" The Punch And Judy, Covent Garden "I'll tell you who's bringing us down, it's him! He was just hear to press buttons, we let him on the radio because he's funny and we like him..." Rolling Stones - "Monkey Man"
xfm have given everyone gift vouchers
Sum 41 - "In Too Deep"
Song For The Lovers - Bob Dylan "If You Say Her Say Hello": "The last song I ever played on the old XFM"
The winner of the quiz is playing golf
Stereophonics - "Step On My Old Size Nines"
Ricky's made a Christmas single
Ricky Gervais - "Don't Cry, It's Christmas"
Ash - "There's A Star"
Ricky on politics
Hip-Hop Hooray: Digital Underground - "Same Song"
Super Furry Animals - "It's Not The End Of The World"
Karl is going on holiday to Barbados/touching Karl
Tim Buckley - "Buzzing Fly"

22 December 2001

The English Comedy Awards
New Order - "Crystal"
Gags about Claire being on smack
Ricky is making the tea and not ready
Paul Weller - "Changing Man"
The tea is awful - "I resent having to make tea" "Well don't teach me a lesson!"/last year for Christmas Ricky bought his family 200 quid's worth of scratchcards from the 7-11 opposite him
Mercury Rev - "The Dark Is Rising"
Ricky never used to buy gifts/Steve wanted Scalextric and played it to prove to his mum he wasn't bored (which he was)
U2 - "The Ground Beneath Her Feet"
Oasis - "Live Forever"
Hip-hop Hooray: Princess Superstar - "Bad Babysitter"
Ricky's microscope/Steve tried to buy a watch on Oxford Street
Ten Benson - "Black Snow"
Steve Taylor from The Knowledge comes in - "He looks like a tennis ball"
The Hives - "Main Offender"
The Year Of The Geeks: Nu-metal, Harry Potter
Stereophonics - "Handbags And Gladrags"
"We didn't use that version - cost a fortune... We had to re-record it"/Chris Rea made a film with Shirley Bassey in it/"Why doesn't Paul McCartney spend some of his money on building his missus a bionic leg?"/The Six Million DOllar Man was flawed/Steve's not playing any cover versions in the New Year, Ricky's not doing any film reviews - "all new features" Under The Covers: Kings Of Convenience - "Once Around The Block"
PJ Harvey - ""
Christmas dinner at Steve's parents'/Steve's grandparents, their teeth and overcooked meat
Travis - "Driftwood"
Denis Norden
White Stripes - "Fell In Love With A Girl"
Pogues - "Fairytale Of New York"
Claire is working on Christmas Day
A Song For The Ladies: Nick Cave - "Love Letter"
We'll be back on the 12th (January)
Joni Mitchell - "The River"
"Don't take anything we say too seriously..!"

12 January 2002

(Xfm: Early Years Episode 1) Some early mockery of Stephen Merchant's freakish height and the first signs of Karl Pilkington's emergence as a major comedic force.

19 January 2002

(Xfm: Early Years Episode 2) The Team are dismayed at their frequent lack of professionalism and Stephen relives an unhappy childhood memory.

26 January 2002

(Xfm: Early Years Episode 3) Karl is in a thoughtful mood, holding forth on death, culture clash and the running costs incurred by London Underground.

09 February 2002

(Xfm: Early Years Episode 4) Ricky & Stephen uncover some revealing facts about Karl - he rarely went to school and was once kicked in the head by a horse.

16 February 2002

(Xfm: Early Years Episode 5) Stephen reveals a foolproof method for divining bands' potential via their names and Karl offers his insights into the great mysteries of the universe.

23 February 2002

(Xfm: Early Years Episode 6) he studio is visited by charity toffs and Karl complains that the show is adversely affecting his relationship with his girlfriend.

02 March 2002

(Xfm: Early Years Episode 7) Ricky and Stephen present Karl with his GCSE results, undiscovered for some 15 years. This prompts an intense scrutiny of Karl's schooldays.

09 March 2002

(Xfm: Early Years Episode 8) Yet more bizarre revelations from Karl's past, a toiletry anecdote from Stephen and Ricky analyses behavioural patterns in the military.

16 March 2002

(Xfm: Early Years Episode 9) Karl learns all about Hitler and Ricky and Stephen hatch a plot to fly him like a kite using 6,000 helium balloons.

23 March 2002

(Xfm: Early Years Episode 10) Laundry tips, haunted houses, predictions for 2050, a trip round Kellogg's, the truth about Winston Churchill and classic fables.

30 March 2002

(Xfm: Early Years Episode 11) A complaint has been upheld about the show after Ricky used the word 'cock' repeatedly on-air. Karl fears a repeat performance.

06 April 2002

"Make Ricky Gervais laugh" the game resurrected by using a picture of Michael Stife. -daft punk-aerodynamic- Steve explains about his french skills, claiming he can only say "Tu aime le musique folk" to which Karl replies "D'you want some fromage?" More chat about Karl's round head. "Have you seen about that man in a jar without a brain? He's got a really round head." -stereophonics- vegas two times- "imagine if there was an experiement where they were raising a child based entirely on what we had said on the radio. "We're going away on the 4th of may. Is this confirmed?" Karl still being nervous about ricky using the word cock. "Karl you're our whipping boy..co-presenter." Chat about what they could do with Karl over the of air period. "i wasn't in the mood for learnin' (last week)" "they're quotes with Eric and Ernie in 'em (Karl's reading for the week)" Steve shares an anecdote about his acting career and dancing on set. He then goes on to give the distubing image of him snd his flat mate in shorts working out to helen from big brothers work out video. "There's nothing gay about that is there?" "OK then, cut cheese down to five times a week." "When you get to thirty you go mental and that." -Badly drawn boy- silent sigh- "Looking forward to the New G'n'R album?" "I don't think any experience could ever top seeing UB40 live" -Cure-just like heaven (acoustic)- Chat about the Tales of the Unexpected. Porn for blind people. "Brail?" -starsailor-poor misguided fool- How to brighten up a funeral. "Comedy tit's? Whoopy cushion?" or perhaps put "well at least you're still alive" in a card. "Growing up on the estate there was this woman who had a horse in her house." -Velvet underground- waiting for the man- "if you were a horse would you rather be in a little wooden hut with hay or in a nice house with a three piece suite and a tv?" "What d'you make of sainsbury's bringing in square tins?... that should be interesting for meatballs." -Black Rebel Motorcycle Club -whatever happened to my rock and roll- Karl says one of his favourite quotes by Ozzy _Nick Cave and the bad seeds-into my arms-

13 April 2002

Steve Mitchell - The Guardian gets Steve's name wrong

If you see her, say hello -> If you see a sailor. The Guardian gets the name of Ricky's favourite song wrong

Poor research - The Guardian gets the location of The Office wrong.

DJ Patter - Steve mocks Ricky's DJ'ing skills

Going for a drink with Karl

Steve's acting - stunts. Steve describes the stunts he's been doing for a comedy pilot.

Robin - worms. Karl tells Steve about Robin's worm problem as a kid. Robin sat on Spam to tease the worm out....or did he? Army fella who was messing about in the woods. A worm crawled in the gash, and they teased it out of his head with Bacon.

Mr Freeze. Karl tells Steve the story of how he nearly died when he choked on a Mr Freeze.

Paper round. The best job Karl has ever had. Karl's mum wouldn't let him go out to do his paper round because of the weather, and locked the door, so Karl climbed out of the bathroom window, but ended up getting hooked on the window latch.

Kick me height. Karl falls on his back after his dad challenges him to kick his height

I don't like the feel. Ricky explains to Steve how Karl thinks he'll die of cancer because he never checks his balls, because he doesn't like the feel.

Quotes. Ricky, Steve and Karl discuss Neil Armstrong's quote upon landing on the moon, and whether the moon landings were real. Good luck, Mr Croucher.

White Van Karl. Beckham's busted foot. Rough areas on a ship. Global warming - do ice cubes freeze water? Karl offers an alternative to the queues of people to see the Queen Mother laying in state. Karl makes a joke about Liz Hurley 'lying low'.

Karl's homework. Quotes about happiness. Karl makes up a quote - "Cat food is stinks a bit, but if you don't put up with the smell, the little kitten will die"

Wheely bin. Karl's dad puts a mentally handicapped kid in a wheely bin.

20 April 2002

The last show before the BAFTAs; two shows left; NOT AVAILABLE ON XFM.CO.UK

"Karl wanted to start off with the Stereophonics" Mobile DJing/Fantasy Island/Scout jamboree Ricky's brother in law's records/Karl shoplifting Emergency guidelines Luther Vandross ("rung to wish us luck in the BAFTAs") Karl's impressions Karl's homework: Lateral Thinking Taking Karl to the BAFTAs/disciplining Karl Karl's homework: Lateral Thinking. "You idiot. Play a record." How many balls? White Van Karl: Camilla & Charles, Sven & Ulrikka, St George's Day "Would you Suck Out The Poison?" "I knew it wasn't going to be a belter today."

27 April 2002

(Xfm: Early Years Episode 12) Karl shocks Ricky and Stephen by revealing how much he hated going to the BAFTAs with them. Elsewhere the show falls apart.