22 March 2003/Transcript

This is a transcription of the 22 March 2003 episode, from Xfm Series 2

Bruce Willis on the Telly

Ricky: Bob Dylan. “The Times They Are a-Changin’” on X--

Steve: The thing is, Rick. Thing is, Rick, it makes me wonder if, uh, the times- are they changing? I mean, it seems to me that life’s pretty much the same as it was way back in the sixties when Bob Dylan wrote that song.

Ricky: Got any idea what you’re talking about?

Steve: No idea whatsoever, Rick.

Ricky: You don’t really know about politics, do ya?

Steve: Nope, know anything about it. Don’t even read the papers, got no-no interest, really.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Not particularly informed, my life’s cushty. Uh, won some awards and stuff, didn’t bother me. So, um--

Ricky: On a serious note, though, it is a bit worrying.

Steve: What?

Ricky: Do I have to get gas masks or summat?

Steve: No, because there are guys out there in Leicester Square today wearing novelty hats.

Ricky chuckles

Steve: If they don’t sort this war out--

Ricky: Oh worries.

Steve: Then no one can.

Ricky: Okay. Well, I’m not gonna talk about it anymore.

Karl: You see, you see, you-you would worry about it.

Ricky: I would worry about it?

Karl: Well, you. Maybe Steve.

Ricky: Why?

Karl: Sort of people who-who are successful are worrying about it more than other people. Just cause--

Ricky: Go on.

Karl: Well, they’ve got more to lose, haven’t they?

Ricky laughs

Steve: Right.

Karl: No, d’you know what I mean? You see, like, Bruce Willis on the telly saying, “Oh.”

Ricky laughs

Karl: “It’s not good, is it?” And it’s because he’s got a big house and loads of cars. If you live, you know, on a council estate it’s like, “Well… if it gets bombed, probably doing us all a favour. We’ll get nice, new blocks of flats to live in an’ that.” It happened with Manchester! With the, with the bomb that happened and they bombed the Arndale Centre. Did us a favour. Got a nice, new Marks & Spencers an’ that.

Ricky: So this- hold on. This puts a whole new twist on the argument when people say bombing the world’s poorest countries is wrong. Cause I remember when the Afghan problem was on, people were saying, “Bombing the world’s poorest country’s wrong,” but-but it’s like home improvement, according to you then.

Steve: Yeah. Cause they’ve got a brand new B & Q, have they, over now?

Ricky and Steve laugh

Steve: They’re popping down there every Sunday.

Karl: Anyway. Let’s not go on about it, cause--

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Well, think what you’re saying.

Karl: Yeah, I know.

Steve: “My family was killed, but look! A Carpet Warehouse!”

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: D’you know, I-I-I think, you know, people don’t want to hear about this today from us. They want to hear, you know, the new features, the "Songs of Phrase."

Ricky and Steve laugh

Steve: Woah. What’s "Songs of Phrase?"

Karl: It’s the feature we started last week--

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Right.

Karl: Where we, where we take clips of songs, we make up a phrase from the show.

Ricky: I mean, a famous phrase. Last-last week’s world famous phrase was “There’s this hairy Chinese kid.”

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: You’ll remember.

Steve: Yes.

Karl: Well, it was, it was called "Crosswords" last week, but Phil e-mailed in a good suggestion.

Steve: Right.

Karl: Said, “Call it 'Songs of Phrase.'”

Steve: Brilliant.

Ricky: "Songs of Phrase." "Songs of Phrase." Per-perfect.

Karl: So we’ll lose that.

Ricky: Have we got- are we still going with “Cheap as Chimps?”

Karl: Uh--

Steve: We’re persevering with that, are we?

Karl: Got-got some "Cheap as Chimps" lined up.

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: We’ll be doing that before three o’clock.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Great!

Karl: Again, who else can say that?

Steve chuckles

Steve: So, good. So for the next two hours everyone should just bury their head in the sand, ignore the world’s problems and, uh, enjoy Ch- features such as "Cheap as Chimps"--

Ricky laughs

Steve: And--

Ricky and Steve: "Songs of Phrase."

Karl: And a bit of Turin Brakes.

Steve: Aw, class.

Ricky: Oh!

Song: Turin Brakes- Pain Killer

So We're Not Doing It?

Ricky: Trying to stop suddenly in Italy. T.B. Turin Brakes. It’s like a “Rockbuster,” Karl.

Karl: They were the good ol’ days.

Ricky: I know. Yeah. “Pain Killer” on XFM 104.9. But look; “Rockbusters” is gone. Forget “Rockbusters.” Long live “Songs of Phrase.” Over to you Karl.

Karl: Alright, well--

Steve: You know “Rockbusters” was one of the things they were protesting about next- last time.

Ricky chuckles

Steve: That-that was one of- I just had to listen to them. They just kept stopping me in the street as I was trying to get to the tube. “You’ve got to stop ‘Rockbusters.’ It’s run out of steam,” they said and I’m glad.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: That’s why they always do it on a Saturday.

Ricky: Yeah! Yeah.

Karl: They make their way to Leicester Square for three o’ clock.

Steve chuckles

Ricky: Yeah. Right.

Karl: Uh, “Songs of Phrase.” Uh, what it is--

Steve: “Songs of Phrase!”

Karl: We take a phrase from the show. Last week it was, “There’s this hairy Chinese kid.” Alright?

Ricky: Yeah.

Karl: Today we’re going back to the good old line of, uh, that you never see an old man eating a Twix.

Steve: Sure.

Karl: Alright?

Ricky: How long is that?

Karl: No. “You’ll never see an old man eating a Twix.”

Ricky: You’ll. Never. See. An. Old. Man. Eating. A. Twix.

Karl: It’s not as many as you think, though. It’s not that many.

Ricky: Well, how-how is it not that many!?

Karl: Well, first of all, anyway, don’t worry about that. I think there’s about five, I think. Hang on a minute.

Ricky: (sighing) Oh, God. Why do we leave him alone to do this, Steve?

Steve: I don’t understand.

Ricky: Do you know what I mean? He alway- it’s like- I tell you what, we were flying then--

Karl: There’s six, six different songs.

Ricky: Six different songs!

Steve: That’s a lot to get, Karl.

Karl: But what happened is, I couldn’t find a song with “Twix,” so we’ve changed the chocolate.

Ricky: Oh, this is rubbish!

Steve laughs

Ricky: We’re not doing it. We’re not doing it. No, I mean, you’ve got to be punished. We’re not doing this. Do a--

Karl: No, you’ll like it!

Ricky: No, no, no. No, shut up, Karl. No. I-

Steve: Well--

Ricky: No, no, no, no! We’re not doing it.

Steve: He’s put a lot of effort in.

Ricky: So what?

Steve: You’re right.

Ricky: He’s got to do it right. He’s got to do it right. There’s too many, we’ve said too many. It’s not- he’s changed the thing. It’s not a one-off phrase. It’s ridiculous! It’s pointless.

Steve: Rick, if only his parents had spoken like that to him sometime in the past--

Ricky: Do you know what I mean?

Steve: We wouldn’t be in this discussion now.

Ricky: Right, you’re not doing it.

Karl: Aw, come on.

Ricky: No! We’re not doing it. Steve, what have you- uh, what’d you think?

Steve: I’ll tell you, we’ve got the prizes--

Ricky: Yeah!

Steve: But I’m not even going to bother giving- I’m not even going to bother. I-I think we’ll just share them out amongst, um--

Ricky: Right, um--

Steve: Homeless.

Ricky: Absolutely. N-no. There’s-there’s troubles in the world and I’m not going to let you faff around doing nonsense like that.

Karl: No, but--

Ricky: It’s ridiculous!

Karl: Let’s-let’s do it for this week.

Ricky: No, let’s play a beautiful song. What do you think, uh--

Steve: I’d love to hear a great song.

Ricky: Yeah, “The Times They Are a-Changin.‘” We’ve said that. Um, “Look--

Steve: Rick, I know you’re--

Ricky: “at mother nature on the run. Look at mother nature on the run,” Steve!

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Play it.

Karl: So we’re not doing--

Ricky: No!

Steve: It’s your own fault.

Song: After the Gold Rush- Neil Young