31 May 1998/Transcript

This is a transcription of the 31 May 1998 episode, from Xfm Series 0

It's Ten Past Four

Ricky: Jesus and Mary Chain, The Black. On Xfm 104.9. It's 10 past 4...After the break, Oasis.

ADDS PLAYED

Singing The Praises Of Penk

Ricky: Oasis, Married With Children.

Steve: (sounding bored) Yeah.

Ricky: Xfm, 104.9

Steve: Of course.

Ricky: It's the Ricky Gervais Show. Who am I Steve?

Steve: Gervais. You are Gervais.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: You are Ricky Gervais.

Ricky: (In a squeeky voice)Lucky You. Yes, it's me, Ricky Gervais.

Steve: Gervais, weren't you out s-signing autographs in the week?

Ricky: Yeah

Steve: Is this true?

Ricky: Yeah

Steve: Is this true what I've heard?

Ricky: A couple, yeah.

Steve: What's the story? Tell me.

Ricky: Well, we did this road show from uh, the Doc Martins store..

Steve: Road show?

Ricky: (laughing) w-yeah. yeah

Steve: (laughing) Was it that impressive?

Ricky: Yes, it was me Crowley and Pitts with like a CD player.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: ...and some boots.

Steve Laughs

Ricky: Surrounding us...no, it was good fun.

Steve: And uh, You played some records...

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: And people were coming up, were they? and asking for your-;

Ricky: Yeah

Steve: asking for your autograph?

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Incredible.

Ricky: (In one of his voices) Well, you know. uhhh. I'm a bit of a celebrity, Steve I'll be honest.

Steve Chuckles

Steve: If you were really rich,

Ricky: Yeah

Steve: uhh.. what would you spend your money on?

Ricky: ...You know what I'd spend my money on.

Steve: Yeah?

Ricky: Just more foood and drink then I do now.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: ...maybe a few extras holidays.

Steve: How many people- how many people asked for autographs?

Ricky: Oh, I dunno'....thir-;

Steve: 30, 40?

Ricky: Yeah

Steve: What about Crowley? Did a- did anyone ask uh, Crowley for an autograph?

Ricky: No. They kept as-asking him if they got this in a size seven

Steve Laughs

Ricky: He's getting really. honestly (giggling)

Steve: He does look a bit like a sort of spotty shop assistant

Ricky: (Laughing) yeah, yeah.

Steve: That you'd find, you know. um 'I'll just go and check with with Moreen

Ricky Laughs

Steve: 'um. meantime, here's Idle Wild

Ricky: I've got a joke.

Steve: Have You?

Ricky: Yeah

Steve: Brilliant.

Ricky: We, We'e allowed to tell one joke, are't we, a show?

Steve: One Joke. Cuz I don't want like, you know, Steve Penk or you know

Ricky: No, no it's terrible. No, nothing wrong with Steve Penk.

Steve: I love Penk.

Ricky: Penk's good.

Steve: I'm a big fan of Penk.

Ricky: No, he's great

Steve: Don't get me started on Penk. If I start singing the praises of Penk, we'll (Ricky joins in) be here all night.

Ricky: I know.

Steve: But the point is, you know. You've got your gag. Let's hear it.

Ricky: Right. A little boy, yeah. He's only five years old. He's lost, in a busy highstreet. And he's crying his eyes out. Well he would, he's los his mummy.

Steve Grunts

Ricky: And he's going 'I've lost my fuckin' -;' and the policeman comes up, and uh, goes 'Alright, what's the matter?' and he goes 'I've lost my mummy' Policeman says 'Alright, don't worry, we'll find her. What's she like?' Little kid said 'cock and bingo mainly.'

RECORD PLAYED. INSTANT REPEATER 99 by Soundtrack of Our Lives