Tape 2 Side A/Transcript

This is a transcript of Tape 2 Side A, from Xfm Series 0.

I Would Not Have Andy Peters

Steve: I well. I-I don't underst- I mean I don't really understand. I mean this seriously.

Ricky: Okay, right.

Steve: I don't really understand what you're talking about.

Ricky: Okay, this is fine. Obviously, there were gay connotations. It was like a- a gay icon record, isn't it? YMCA, In The Navy. That was the point of it... What did you need?! One of them dressed as, Judy Garland?! Wha-what I don't understand what id your problam with that?

Steve: W-w but there's no- I don't understand why that suggests that...people are gay. I don't...

Ricky: It doesn't necessarily! It's like, it's high camp, isn't it? It's been adopted since as well.

Steve: But the four of them. There's- there's a guy dressed as a motor cycle cop.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: There's no reason why he should be gay.

Ricky: There's no reason anyone should be gay!

Ricky and Steve trying to talk over one another.

Steve: There's a builder

Ricky: Yeah!

Steve: Alright, um...

Ricky: So no builders are gay, ever. You can't be gay and be-;

Steve: There's a- there's another one. I can't remember what the other one is.

Ricky: Right.

Steve: And then there's the red Indian. Why on Earth the red Idian is (Ricky laughs) supposed to be an icon of-;

Ricky: I don't know about that. I- I- I'm flumoxed on that one, I'll be honest.

Steve: But it's- What I'm saying to you Gervais, is if you're gonna use- If you're gonna talk about gay people then- then why don't they use the cliches? Why isn't there a hairdresser.

Ricky: Right.

Steve: And-;

Ricky: Because it's probably the sort of cliches that even scene gays wanna get away from. Also that's- you're confusing 'camp' Itv gays with- with real homosexual people who live normal lives.

Steve: If I'm gonna write a song about gay people, I'm gonna have a hairdresser,

Ricky: Yeah you are!

Steve: In order to- all Im saying is-;

Ricky: You are.

Steve: In order to appeal to a gay community I'd have a hairdresser, John Inman,

Ricky Laughs

Steve: Larry Grayson,

Ricky: Obviously.

Steve: and uhh...I don't know um...

Ricky: Well you- well -well peop- well you wouldn't have Jason Donovan then obviously.

Steve: ha.

Ricky: Cuz he's not. So you wouldn't have him, would you?

Steve: No, I wouldn't have Jason Donovan.

Ricky: No.

Steve: Well I wouldn't have Phillip Schofield

Ricky: Well no because there's no reason to

Steve: I wouldn't even have- I wouldn't have Andy Peters.

Ricky: Right.

Steve: I wouldn't have Andy Peters!

Ricky: Okay, I'm getting scared.

Steve: I would-if I- I would n-;

Ricky: (as Steve is saying that he wouldn't have Andy Peters) Shut up! I'm getting scared!

Steve: I would not have Andy Peters!!

Ricky: Shut uuuuuuup!