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| {{Template:Infobox_Xfm_Series_1}} | | {{Template:Infobox_Xfm_Series_1}} |
| ==Track Listing== | | |
| | == Track Listing == |
| | {|width=50% style="border-spacing:8px;margin:0px -8px" |
| | !{{sectionhead|#EEEEEE|#AAAAAA|left|''For a full transcript of this episode see [[04 May 2002/Transcript]]''}} |
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| 1. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Queen_Mum|Queen Mum]]''' | | 1. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Queen_Mum|Queen Mum]]''' |
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| 2. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Sony_Awards|Sony Awards]]''' | | 2. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Sony_Awards|Sony Awards]]''' |
| <br>Ricky and Steve discuss the Sony Awards that they recently attended and go into detail of what happened and how Ricky doesnt get out of bed for bronze. Ricky then goes on to talk of how he swore on live TV. Karl then compares getting a bronze to coming in last in a marathon. They then go on to discuss the olympics and Steve's sport in high school. | | <br>Ricky and Steve discuss the Sony Awards that they recently attended and go into detail of what happened and how Ricky doesn't get out of bed for bronze. Ricky then goes on to talk of how he swore on live TV. Karl then compares getting a bronze to coming in last in a marathon. They then go on to discuss the Olympics and Steve's sport in high school. |
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| 3. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#The_Hair_of_a_Chinaman|The Hair of a Chinaman]]''' | | 3. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#The_Hair_of_a_Chinaman|The Hair of a Chinaman]]''' |
| <br>After an anecdote of how Steve never won the gold medal in the high jump in high school and describes his apperance back in those days, Ricky asks Karl about what he looked like in those days. Karl then goes on to tell that his barber told him he had the hair of a Chinaman. | | <br>After an anecdote of how Steve never won the gold medal in the high jump in high school and describes his appearance back in those days, Ricky asks Karl about what he looked like in those days. Karl then goes on to tell that his barber told him he had the hair of a Chinaman. |
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| 4. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#The_Taxman_Cometh|The Taxman Cometh]]''' | | 4. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#The_Taxman_Cometh|The Taxman Cometh]]''' |
| <br>Steve tells of how he did a DJ set for an XFM party and made some money. He says that the taxman wont know about the 200 quid he made. He then realises what he has said and trys to make it sound better by sucking up to the taxman and saying he will notify them ASAP. | | <br>Steve tells of how he did a DJ set for an Xfm party and made some money. He says that the taxman wont know about the 200 quid he made. He then realises what he has said and tries to make it sound better by sucking up to the taxman and saying he will notify them ASAP. |
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| 5. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Karl_a_Homosexual_?| Karl a Homosexual?]]''' | | 5. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Karl_a_Homosexual_?| Karl a Homosexual?]]''' |
| <br>Ricky and Steve discuss how in a previous show they told Karl that he would need to pretend he was Steves boyfriend to get in to the Sony's. They then ask him who he would go out with if he was gay. | | <br>Ricky and Steve discuss how in a previous show they told Karl that he would need to pretend he was Steve's boyfriend to get in to the Sony's. They then ask him who he would go out with if he was gay. |
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| 7. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Walk_Like_an_Egypt_Bloke|Walk Like an Egypt Bloke]]''' | | 7. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Walk_Like_an_Egypt_Bloke|Walk Like an Egypt Bloke]]''' |
| <br>Karl tells the story of lizards in Egypt that make holes in the sand in the desert. They hide in these holes but are in danger because a local Egypt bloke takes them out and uses them to make shoes. He says that scorpians also like to go into the holes and protect the lizards from the lizard hunter. | | <br>Karl tells the story of lizards in Egypt that make holes in the sand in the desert. They hide in these holes but are in danger because a local Egypt bloke takes them out and uses them to make shoes. He says that scorpions also like to go into the holes and protect the lizards from the lizard hunter. |
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| 10. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Enhance_Karls_Life|Enhance Karls Life]]''' | | 10. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Enhance_Karls_Life|Enhance Karl's Life]]''' |
| <br>The gang run a compitition to win a bag from the Sony's signed by many celebrities. In order to win this prize they have to offer Karl things that they think will enhance his life. The one he chooses wins the signed bag.He chooses an urban legends book. | | <br>The gang run a competition to win a bag from the Sony's signed by many celebrities. In order to win this prize they have to offer Karl things that they think will enhance his life. The one he chooses wins the signed bag. He chooses an urban legends book. |
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| 11. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Room_101_Part_2|Room 101 Part 2]]''' | | 11. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Room_101_Part_2|Room 101 Part 2]]''' |
| <br>His last Room 101 entry and this one is holidays. He tells of a holiday where he and his girlfriend went to aresteraunt that was run by midgets. Karl then says that one of them was chatting up his girlfriend Sussane. | | <br>His last Room 101 entry and this one is holidays. He tells of a holiday where he and his girlfriend went to a resteraunt that was run by midgets. Karl then says that one of them was chatting up his girlfriend Suzanne. |
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| 12. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Karls_Presents|Karls Presents]]''' | | 12. '''[[04 May 2002/Transcript#Karls_Presents|Karls Presents]]''' |
| <br>As it is the last show of the series Karl gives a gift to Ricky and a gift to Steve. He gives Ricky a Mr. Ben's book of fables and Steve a book of chat-up lines. | | <br>As it is the last show of the series Karl gives a gift to Ricky and a gift to Steve. He gives Ricky a Mr. Ben's book of fables and Steve a book of chat-up lines. |
| <nowiki><nowiki>Insert non-formatted text here</nowiki><nowiki>Insert non-formatted text here</nowiki></nowiki> | | <nowiki><nowiki>Insert non-formatted text here</nowiki><nowiki>Insert non-formatted text here</nowiki></nowiki> |
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| == Transcription ==
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| 1.''' Queen Mum'''
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| Steve Merchant: absolutely
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| Ricky Gervais: Stone Roses on Xfm 104.9, I'm Ricky Gervais with me Steve Merchant
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| Steve: Hello there
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| Ricky: And Karl Pilkington for the last time...
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| Steve: Indeed
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| Ricky: I'm afraid. So um, you know we're gonna have a little bit of a chat with sowing up some things with Karl, we're giving away that prize with that BAFTA bag and you know
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| Steve: Playing some great music
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| Ricky: And we'll just, i mean i'm bringing in my favourite tunes, I'm bringing in The Smiths, Radiohead, Cat Stevens, David Bowie, Neil Young, the classics. Steve's doing the same
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| Steve: Indeed
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| Ricky: erm, well Karl, last time for er yeah, apparently erm someone's got it a bit wrong, we're not actually away for 6 weeks, we're away for about 2 months, we'll be back in August won' we?
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| Karl Pilkington: Bloody hell
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| Ricky: yeah...don't swear
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| Steve: yeah that's outrageous
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| Ricky: on the last show you have to say that
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| Steve: Already bought the tone down
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| Ricky: Yeah
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| Steve: Cheapened it
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| Ricky: And i think it's blasphemous as well
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| Steve: yeah
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| Ricky: No it's not 'hell' isn't is it?
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| Steve: Isn't it?
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| Ricky: No, don't think-that's not blasphemy is it
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| Steve: Taking hell's name in vain?
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| Ricky: Yeah
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| Karl: Yeah but what was it you were saying the other week about how the queen mum used to have a right mouth on her?
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| Ricky: What?
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| Karl: No-
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| Steve: I don't we said that on air Karl,
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| Ricky: What?
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| Karl: No but, last week you
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| Ricky: Yeah
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| Karl: Were saying about that bad language, and i was saying 'ar, it, they'll, you know there'll come a time when bad language isn't, doesn't, you know matter anymore, you can eff and jeff and stuff
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| Ricky: Ow, I know what he's talking about Steve
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| Steve: really
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| Ricky: Right, let me explain to you, the listener at home, erm Karl was worried about swearing and As a Joke, off-air, it was last week, we were saying that, erm, the qu-, in the 1940s and 50s the Queen mum used to say things like that, and we were quoting things which she'd said
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| Steve: Yeah
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| Ricky: But but putting f's and c's in there, and you believed us
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| Steve: What? So this whole week, you've believed that we somehow, somehow had knowledge that the
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| Ricky: Quen mum
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| Steve: Used to swear like a trooper?
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| Ricky: We were doing fake quotes from her in her voice, but putting in f's and c's and you believed us. I mean i didn't even think, i mean i thought you were going along with the joke but it obviously made an impac-
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| Steve: Karl! We've said this, you've got to question and query everything, you can't take things at face value, certainly if they come out of the mouths of Ricky Gervais
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| Ricky: Yeah
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| Karl: orr right
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| Ricky: Yeah, sorry about that Karl, that was a little, a little trick
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| Karl: O
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| Steve: Is there any other things now that as you look back over this time we've
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| Ricky: Is there anything we've said that as you think about i can tell you now that was a lie
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| Steve: Anything you've maybe thought and queried or questioned, and though that doesn't sound right, that maybe Ricky's told you?
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| Karl: Something might come to me
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| Steve: k
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| Karl: Later on but,
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| Ricky: Ok, but what about, Karl, i mean, we love you, right obviously we know that, and we've got great affection for you we look forward to this, i'm gonna miss you really, but and i'll tell you what, you've got a heart of gold, now wait till you see what the record is Steve...what i've done
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| Steve: Is it Heart of Gold?
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| Ricky: yep
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| Steve: Brilliant, brilliant. Alright, that's why he's a bronze award winner at the Sony's
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| Ricky: I don't get up for bronze, i don't get out of bed for bronze
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| Steve: That was a waste of our time
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| Heart of Gold plays
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| 2. '''Sony Awards'''
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| Ricky: Karl Pilkington of there on Xfm 104.9, winner of a bronze award at the Sony's, the radio Oscar's as Phil Jupitus said
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| Steve: Man alive
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| Ricky: That's what he called them on liquid news
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| Steve: I'll tell you this Rick, i'm not used to being on a table with losers, at an awards ceremony
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| Ricky: No, i u u, i didn't want to come in to do the final show
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| Steve: Nah
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| Ricky: You know, i went straight over and sat with Pete and Jeff, didn't i? heh heh, from radio4, went over with Paul Gambourchini
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| Steve: I went over to BBC World Service
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| Ricky: Yeah
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| Steve: You know it's lot funkier, lot cooler
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| Ricky: Yeah, won an award
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| Steve: Yeah, they swept the boards
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| Ricky: Yeah, i don't, bronze is nowhere
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| Steve: What was the mood er over here
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| Ricky: Silvers, silvers...what was the mood here?
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| Karl: The mood, err
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| Steve: Cos the day after, cos people, well let me tell you now i think Xfm deserve an award, and i thought it was criminal actually
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| Ricky: But what i did like about, we certaintly had the room, cos Pete and Jeff said good luck to us and Christian, that was really nice, and then someone else mentioned us
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| Karl: James Nesbitt
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| Ricky: James Nesbitt said 'oh er Xfm and stuff' so we certaintly had the
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| Karl: Paul Gambourchini said something about it
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| Ricky: Yeah so
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| Steve: Did he really? What Gambo?
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| Karl: Yeah
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| Ricky: Certaintly had the room, and for a local, you've gotta realise it's a local radio station, you know and err, you can't compete really with Radio2 and Radio4
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| Steve: But what was the mood the day after, here at Xfm?
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| Karl: Erm, it was alright, i mean, i think we expected a few more but
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| Ricky: But you shouldn't take these things seriously anyway
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| Karl: Nah but
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| Ricky: Never take awards...seriously
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| Steve: But what i didn't realise Rick, what i didn't realise is you have to pay thousands of pounds just to nominate
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| Ricky: You're joking
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| Steve: Just to get into the running for an award so you've already you know, they squandered thousands of pounds
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| Ricky: Nah, it's not thousands
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| Steve: It is!
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| Karl: Well, it mounts up because you pay to enter right
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| Ricky: And then the table
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| Karl: And you've gotta buy like minidiscs and that, to send you're stuff in on
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| Ricky: Sure
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| Karl: which are Sony Minidiscs
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| Steve: M
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| Ricky: Oarr, i see what you're saying Karl
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| Karl: I'm not saying anything
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| Ricky: No
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| Karl: Erm, and also then, and you've gotta pay for the table
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| Ricky: Right
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| Karl: And the food and the drink, i mean it's a few grand
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| Ricky: I swore on live television as well that night
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| Steve: Yeah
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| Ricky: But i've never done that before, i mean i've never, i've sworn before but never acidentally, and we were being interviewed for erm, and Christian was sort of like quite, you know, being a bit boisterious and he must have brought out the worst in me, and i acc-, must of accidentally said the f-word, and i apologised straight away, i didn't want to embarrass Phil Jupitus
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| Steve: Ha...does that himself here
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| Ricky: He was doing a good job...pff ha
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| Karl: But i was thinking about yesterday and your saying a bronze isn't worth having right?
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| Ricky: Yeah
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| Karl: But, say like
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| Ricky: We were only joking, none of them are worth having, but they're very nice, and it's
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| Steve: No a bronze is pointless
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| Ricky: Hahaha
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| Karl: But you say that cos like bronze is like coming last innit
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| Steve: yeah
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| Ricky: Yeah
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| Karl: Right, can you tell me the name of the person who won the marathon this year? No?
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| Steve: Yeah but that's because we're not sporty, I'm sure there's lots who can.
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| Karl: But then, the guy who came last, who was in the swinsuit
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| Ricky: Akffhehe
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| Karl: People remember him, and he
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| Steve: No i don't remember his name either
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| Ricky: No what was his name?
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| Karl: No, but he was 6 days late i mean he was really bad
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| Ricky: Yeah but what's his name then?
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| Karl:...err
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| Steve: you see?, No one's remembering either
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| Karl: No, but if someone who won the marathon, i'd go 'i dunno but there's that guy in the swinsuit'
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| Ricky: Well i'd say 'I don't know, it was a woman'
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| Steve: Yeah
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| Ricky: She had shorts on and trainers,
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| Karl: I'm just trying to make you feel-
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| Steve: My point is what they will remember is that we were losers, that's what they'll remember
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| Ricky: Hahaha
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| Steve: They may not remember our names
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| Ricky: They'll just point and shout 'Losers'
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| Ricky: We're all winners though arn't we, we're all winners really
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| Steve: For taking part sure
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| Ricky: Yeah
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| Karl: And it's all subjective as well innit
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| Ricky: Go on
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| Karl: I mean i'm not going to moan about awards because you've won a lot of them, it's like saying they don't mean jack, but at the end of the day, right, there's some shows that won awards, and you go 'Yeah that's, that's worth an award'
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| Ricky: I think you've got to treat it, i mean some awards actually boost your profile or career, or your cache or whatever like that, some it's just a nice night out and it's nice to win, but, i don't think you should really take any award that seriously
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| Steve: What worries my though Rick, as i mentioned on the night is that i, when i was at school, was, i mean you look at me now, you probably think 'he an athletic kinda guy, he's a sporty dude' you know, but at school bizzarly that was not the case
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| Ricky: No? What were you a bit of an lanky beanpole?
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| Steve: As it turns out
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| Ricky: You joking?
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| Steve: Yeahyeayea
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| Ricky: Oh right ok
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| Steve: So err, but i got silver err in the high jump
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| Ricky: yeah..
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| Steve: And i've done better in the high jump right? did no traning whatsoever, no practice, just turned up
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| Ricky: You were about 2 and a half foot taller than everybody else
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| Steve: Well keep, well yeah but wait a minute, people think that if you're tall that makes you easier, it makes it easier for you to do the high jump, surely not because i have got all that leg to get over the pole, that makes it hider, harder
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| Ricky: But, Don't talk rubbish
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| Steve: What are you talking about?
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| Ricky: Well of course the taller you are the more chance you've got at the high jump
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| Steve: What, explain it to me
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| Ricky: Everyone else, w..wot? Right ok then, so is it harder a six foot man to step over a matchbox or a baby midget?
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| Steve: A Baby midget?..that Is tiny Rick
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| Karl: Hang on, here's something i've learnt remember, after like show 4 or whatever
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| Ricky: Go on..Show 4!
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| Karl: The flea can jump over the, London Eye?
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| Ricky: Nooo! No it can jump the equivalent of if it was a 6 foot man, it can't jump about 6 ye high, a flea can not jump over the London Eye
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| Steve: Ye, Yes it can, ye it can
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| Karl: And
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| Ricky: Hahaha! Karl
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| Steve: Tell your kids that
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| Ricky: Karl! ooh
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| Karl: Remember
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| Ricky: A flea can jump over the London Eye, and an ant can lift three Volvo's
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| Steve: Hahaha
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| Ricky: Pfsssha
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| Karl: But you were talking about fitness people and that
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| Ricky: Go on
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| Karl: Remember when we were in the pub right? And your mate Johnny was in there
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| Ricky: Yeah
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| Karl: I think it was
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| Ricky: Yeah
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| Karl: And he was talking about that guy who got done right, cos he entered a wheelchair race
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| Ricky: Yeah
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| Karl: And he shouln't, and there was nothing wrong with him, his legs were alright
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| Ricky: Yeah
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| Karl: Now he got done because he shoudn't have been involved in it but don't you think, that really, he really good for doing that because he's not normally in a wheelchair
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| Steve: Sure
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| Karl: So he's not used to how they move about
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| Steve: Yeah
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| Karl: His arms arn't as strong as the other fellas, who are always in the wheelchair
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| Steve: Yeah, sure
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| Ricky: He
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| Steve: Had his mate pushing him, that was the problem
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| Ricky: h-and it was motorized
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| Steve: Heh
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| Karl: I'd give him a Gold Plus, just, i, i you know, you're taking a bloke, who's not used to doing something, he does it the first time, and beats the people who're at it
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| Ricky: What about that woman though that was disqualified in the shooting, she was in a wheelchair, and she was just doing the normal, able-bodied olympics, right, but, she wasn't allowed to rest her elbow on the arm of her chair, cos they were saying that's an advantage. She was in a wheelchair, and she was shooting, but she was getting unfair advantage, and they said 'You cannot put your elbow on the arm of your wheelchair,'
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| Steve: Sneaky arn't they
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| Ricky: Hehaha
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| Steve: No, they are, you've gotta be careful, you've gotta be careful
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| Ricky: Do you want to play a
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| Steve: Some of them arn't even disabled it turns out
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| Ricky: Hold on though, we're talking about athletes arn't we? What record should we play next?
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| Steve: I'd love to that that single that was out a couple of months back, by Athlete
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| Steve: Let's have +Ricky: Athlete
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| Steve: Man alive
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| Athlete Plays
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| ==Quotes==
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| '''Steve:''' Walk like an Egypt bloke!
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| <br><br>'''Ricky:''' I dont want a complaint on our last show!
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| <br><br>'''Karl:''' This really tarty girl that did Madonna "Like a Virgin" and I though "Yeah right!"
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| ==Playlist==
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|
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| Neil Young - Heart of Gold
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| <br>Athlete - Westside
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| <br>Radiohead - Black Star
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| <br>David Bowie - Rock & Roll With Me
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| <br>Cat Stevens - Silent Sunlight
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| <br>Tom McCrae - End of the World News
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| <br>Badly Drawn Boy - Once Around the Block
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| <br>Matt Pond PA - Night End
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| <br>Suede - Stay Together
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| <br>The Smiths - There is a Light That Never Goes Out
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|
