Dictionary of Karl Pilkington

Karl has a unique way of speaking. Karl's idiolect is made up of old-fashioned sayings, Mancunian slang, and correct English that has been misspoken or misused. Below are examples of Karl's one-of-a-kind speech.

A

• Ages ago - see years ago
• 'Airy - hairy: 'airy Chinese kid
• Alrigh' - hello / goodbye / how are you? / great / good / okay / not great. Sense is determined by tone and context.
• Analogy - "sort of a little story told quickly"
• An' tha' - usually meaningless, sometimes meaning etcetera.
• Annoyed - any of various degrees of irritation. One of the very few feelings Karl identifies.
• Antiduian - "Old", possibly from antediluvian
• Aphrodite - Hermaphrodite
• Apparently - a disjunct indicating that the concurrent sentence is almost certainly bollocks
• Art - "something for your eyes to look at"
• Atomic - "exploding": Exploding pet... that's Atomic Kitten

B

• Baba - Babylon: Evertonians are from Everton, so Babylonians are from Baba.
• Badder - worse: then it got a bit badder.
• Big eyelids - ptosis
• Binable - expendable
• Blokage - manliness, signs that one is a man: When meeting a tranny, you should look for signs of blokage
• Bom boms - bon bons.
• Boo-boo - pooh-pooh: You've boo-booed the idea of...
• Boswell - Roswell (New Mexico)
• Bozwollocks - boswellox, not a good name for an ingredient according to Karl
• Brain case - head, skull
• Bum tube - enema, colonic irrigation: No bum tubes though.
• Bungled in - bundled in: I don't wanna be bungled in
• Bung on - put on: I'll bung a song on then

C

• Chaise londges - chaise longues
• Chinese - any oriental nationality
• Clackering - a bad beating: Leroy gave us a right good clackerin'.
• Clive Warren - Clive Owen
• Coaster wheel things - the wheels on an office operator chair
• Colly - cauliflower, as in "Colly Osborne"
• Come - came: He had helmet on, but his head come off.
• Condensity - consistency: Tic Tacs have a similar condensity to kitty litter
• Congomblery - the medical term for the plica located on right side of the rectum: if you feel to the right, that's the congomblery
• Courier - someone who delivers lungs an' tha'.
• Croppage - crops, harvested vegetation
• Cropping - farming: who's gonna do the cropping?
• Cryptic - forming some semblance of weak pun; "craptic" as Stephen Merchant aptly describes
• Cyclop - cyclops, a man with one eye

D

• Demick/demicky - ersatz / improper: the thing is, right, if you have a lot of something, you also have a lot of demick ones what aren't properly.
• Dictionary - "a book with words in"
• Diskartis - Descartes
• Diss - insult
• Distance - area, place: they found them both within the same distance
• Drawned - drawn: you're more drawned to things that keep your eyes interested

E

• Effin' 'n' jeffin' - swearing: me brother was effin' 'n' jeffin' all the time
• Egypt bloke - Egyptian man
• Elephantitis - Elephantiasis; or some similar condition as that suffered by Joseph Merrick (The Elephant Man), who is believed to have suffered some combination of neurofibromatosis type I and Proteus syndrome.

F

• Face rub - facial, "just a posh face wash"
• Faff/faffin' - messing around
• Fed up - unhappy
• Fish shop - aquarium
• Flumpf - rubbish, lowbrow: They want some- some, sort of - flumpf telly, that they don't have to think about.
• Foodage - food: If it's a potato or a nut, it's a foodage.
• Forrest Gump - disabled person: me dad put a Forrest Gump in a wheelie bin
• Frightenedness - fear: he had a look of frightendness on his face
• Froze - frozen: it had froze
• Fuckerage - problems: it's added to the fuckerage.

G

• Gang - group of animals
• Glunge - wet muck / filth: I was up to my shoulder Steve, in like- glunge
• Goes - says
• Gozzin' - spitting: the octopus was gozzin' about everywhere
• Greenness - primitive, photosynthetic life forms: In the beginning, air created the greenness
• Grippage - grip, purchase: there's a lot of grippage on the side of the building

H

• Havin' it away - having sex: we were on holiday, and we were havin' it away an' that...
• Hypotenuse - an angle off straight: ...went off at a hypotenuse.

I

• Iceland - Antarctica
• In't - isn't

J

• Jamaican fella - a man with such an accent to pronounce "nil demand" as "Neil Diamond", and "Christ, the berg!" as "Chris de Burgh"; not really a Jamaican accent.

K

• Kidded - tricked: It's like your brain is being kidded
• Knob - penis: I could eat a knob at night.
• Knobhead - Karl's favourite insult
• Knockin' about - around, in the area: turned out.. a monkey was knockin' about
• Kusabi - wasabi: I'm serving some right rubbish tonight, give 'em some of that kusabi

L

• Lake - a type of river
• Laxidaisical - lax and lackadaisical: some would say we've got a bit too laxidaisical.
• Learn - teach: I'll learn you something there
• Leg rubber, (professional) - masseur / masseuse
• Limsy - cross between limp and flimsy.
• Little - totally meaningless adjective often used to describe characters in Karl's anecdotes or stories (e.g. 'little fella in a wheelchair').
• Little gay fella - any homosexual male, not necessarily a small one: there was this little gay fella...

M

• Macs - individuals with surnames beginning with "Mac-"
• Mam - mother
• Mam's mam - grandmother
• Manmoth - a cross between a human and a moth.
• Mard/Mardy - weak, "can't handle anything", "get ill easy": they're coming out all mardy
• Me - my / a consciousness exogenous to one's brain: Am I me or me brain?
• Mentalist - someone with a low IQ
• Miminalistic - minimalistic: A coupla years back, people went miminalistic
• Moan gene - the gene that precipitates a moaning of the worries in the worry hole
• Molish - a characteristic of people who live underground
• Moly - covered in moles: Auntie Nora's back is moly
• Monkey - any non-human primate, usually a chimpanzee
• Mongs - mongooses
• Moped over - slumped, slouched: moped over in a wheelchair
• Mr. Exorcist - an exorcist

N

• Neck - drink quickly, down (a drink): They've got a coffee with ice in so they can neck it.
• News - anything that has ever been written on the internet at some point

O

• Obvious - embarrassing because of the insight it shines on one's thinking. This is Karl's reasoning for why Karl will not use cubicle toilets to avoid using urinals next to "little gay fellas", and why "the two kids with big heads and webbed fingers" were not friends.
• Olden days, (the) - see years ago
• Otherness - other more evolved forms of life than greenness. From the greenness came otherness
• Our kid - brother or sister
• Oven - Karls excuse to prove Suzanne wrong, as he had to pay an £80 call out charge for a broken fuse, which he could have easily fixed. Suzanne: Karl, call someone out. Karl: Oven
• Overfaced - Overwhelmed, daunted: I'd probably be overfaced by that apple. It's too much.

P

• Palaco - alpaca: It doesn't want to be somewhere else. It's where it was. And that's the same with this palaco, or whatever.
• Papa people - natives of Papua New Guinea: these Papa People, right...
• Pet hate - something you hate about having a pet. Karl's is "when there's shit somewhere but you can't find it".
• Pikelet - a thin crumpet
• Plunge things - ear plugs
• Posh badge - broach
• Power - a species specific ability, such as an ant's ability to lift things
• Probleming - troubling, causing problems: Whilst I'm sat here [my legs] are not probleming me

R

• Ravin' about - thinks well of: everyone's ravin' about Einstein an' tha'.
• Remembered - reminded: now that you've remembered me that...
• Replemishing - replenishing: I needed to replemish 'cos I was so tired
• Rob'er - Robert: Rob'er Plant
• Rockbusters - a quiz where "cryptic" clues and initials are given for a musical artist to be guessed, a shameless rip-off of the popular television show Blockbusters.
• Rum 'un - wrong 'un, ne'er-d'well: she was a rum 'un
• Rummanging - rummaging: he started rummanging

S

• Sanctuary - borstal, a place for the animals with a rough upbringing
• Scrike - cry
• Scruffily - in a scruffy, disorganized manner
• Shuck - shook: I shuck it off and me skin come off.
• Six billion - "loads"
• Skewl - school
• Sleep - "when you're sort of shut-down"
• Sluggage - slug matter
• Snidey - sneaky, untrustworthy: there's always a little snidey one.
• Squoze - squeezed; squeeze (past imperfect): he came in at one o'clock and squoze it then!
• Squozed - squeezed; squeeze (past perfect): That's before the stress of, you know, having heads squozed an' that
• Suzanne - Karl's girlfriend
• Swede woman - Swedish woman

T

• Tenseness - tension: you've got a lot of tenseness there
• Testerone - testosterone
• Testi - testicles
• The Conga - the Congo
• The Western - the Wild West, the land where Westerns are set: they're riding across the Western together.
• Them - these / those
• Thetht - theft, robbin'
• Tight - careful with money, not generous.
• Thump - to hit, to punch
• Ting - to rattle or bounce in a metallic fashion: you could hear one tingin' its way up the tube
• Tink - to knock glasses together
• Tong - tongue
• Tubberware - tupperware: yeah, the plastic boxes
• Twinings - Karl's favourite brand of tea.
• Typhoo - A very strong brand of tea bag: Typhoo means lots of milk

U

• Uglely - ugly: I heard we're all gonna go uglely.
• Uncomfy - uncomfortable
• Uppered - promoted: they get sort of... what's the word... sort of uppered too early

W

• Webbage - web: ...floating around on a bit of webbage
• Weird - something that is interesting or odd to Karl, "thing's you don't see"
• Wewe - an old female ghost with drooping breasts: I said she might end up becoming a wewe.
• What have yer - whatnot
• What's-her-name: when Karl can't find the right word he says this, whether it's a woman, man, place, event etc.: I went to what's-her-name... barley street
• Whingingness - moaning, rebuke, criticism: I don't understand this whingingness.
• Whop - reveal in a startling or impertinent manner: she whopped 'em out and he started suckin' on 'em an' that
• Willy-nillily - carefree: but you just said it willy-nillily
• World, (the) - The Earth The Earth is our world; it's the World
• Worry hole - the part of the brain where problems are contained. It can either be filled with a few big worries or many smaller worries, but all brains must fill it somehow.
• Wroted - written: someone had wroted - uh!

X

• XFM - the radio station Karl was discovered on

Y

• Years ago - some time between the origin of the universe and a couple of years ago; also ages ago and (the) olden days.