16 March 2002/Transcript
This is a transcript of the 16 March 2002 episode, from Xfm Series 1
Wurzel Comeback
Song: White Stripes - Fell In Love With A Girl
transcript here
Song: The Strokes - Last Night
Pudding Sponsored by Electrolux
Ricky: Uh, that’s the Strokes, and uh, Last Night. Um, we just had a call, didn’t we. From uh, uh, Johnny Mango.
Steve: Oh yeah, Johnny Mango, yeah.
Ricky: Yeah – the old - The Mangster. Um, and he informed me that one of the Wurzels is dead, and I didn’t know that.
Steve: Yeah, Adge Cutler, he was the lead man, I think.
Ricky: Yeah. Who’s – he said he died the most rock ‘n roll death you can die, he said he was apparently drivin’ on a terrible cocktail of cider and other things presumably,
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: Apples, and jams. And uh, he crashed into a tractor! No – wh – is that true?
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: I hope, I hope JM’s not windin’ me up.
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: I hope the Mango boy’s not, havin’ a laugh at me. Is that true. One of the Wurzels died by tractor.
Steve laughs
Ricky: Did he – is that true. So, give us a call. What’s the number again, Karl?
Karl: 08700 800 1234.
Ricky: If so, I’m sorry. I disrepected ‘im. I didn’t, I didn’t know -
Karl: Imagine, if, right, say if like you’re the driver of the tractor,
Steve: Mm.
Karl: And you kill someone and you go, Oh God, I killed someone. And you look and it’s someone famous.
Steve: Yeah. Or Adge Cutler.
Ricky bursts out in laughter
Steve: Yeah, go on. What was your point?
Karl: No, it’s just like,
Steve: Terrifying!
Karl: Not only, it’s like you’ve killed someone, then you look,
Steve: Yeah, I know what you mean, actually, that’s terrifying!
Ricky: What makes it even worse, what makes it even worse, they were rich!
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: Oh, that’d really be ..
Karl: No, but say if it was someone like big in the world.
Steve: No, that is a good, I quite like that, that is an interesting point, that.
Ricky: Oh that’s your bag. No wonder I can’t find what I’m looking for.
Steve: Oh right, well –
Ricky: As Bono said!
Steve: Did you bring a bag?
Ricky: Yeah! Sorry, I –
Steve: Is that it under there, Rick?
Ricky: Sorry – sorry about this –
Steve: Can we play a record, this is getting a bit sloppy.
Ricky: No, it’s not – nonono –
Steve: No, it IS, Rick it’s sloppy!
Ricky: It’s never got sloppy before! No, I’ve got a list here, ‘cause we went to um, this awards ceremony in the week. Um, we were up for an award,
Steve: Well let me –I have to explain it to Karl. Basically we were up for an award, and it’s the, it’s the TRIC Awards. Now TRIC stands for uh, “Television and Radio Industries” annual awards, right,
Ricky: We’d never heard of it either.
Steve: We’d never heard of it – it’s some kind of, like television/radio industry club.
Ricky laughs
Ricky: Yeah, that’s the clue!
Steve: So um, we don’t wanna – I’m not tryin’ to slag off people,
Ricky: No!
Steve: There was some big names and they really made an effort, and it was really nice, the food was brilliant, it was at the Grosvenor House Hotel, really nice do, and lots of industry people there, and it was really classy,
Ricky: We got there nice and early, so, you know, we were there for a good 4 hours. It was fun.
Steve: Before we had to sit down. And, but it was just kind of surreal, it was just a big weird, ‘cause it was packed with the cream, literally the cream, big names, you know, Martin Kemp, one of the first people I saw, you know. Came in, big TV/radio industry names, on-screen talent, behind-the-scenes people,
Ricky: John Barnes,
Steve: Barnes was there,
Ricky: Beadle was there,
Steve: Sir Cliff Richard was there,
Ricky: Yeah,
Steve: Right ? Anyway, so the voice comes on says, Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the chairman,
Ricky: The president –
Steve: The president of the, the TRIC Awards, and we had to stand up, all these people had to stand up, and give a standing ovation, as he walked to his table, to Tom O’Conner, former presenter of Crosswits.
Karl: You are joking.
Ricky: No.
Steve: He’s the president.
Ricky: And he came out and he told a few gags. Sorta like, it was like, straight away, it was, you know, old school stuff. I want to thank the ladies, ‘cause the, you know, it’s nothin’ without the ladies. All the lovely ladies here. And we’re waitin’ for a joke …. nope. Just thankin’, thankin’ the ladies.
Steve chuckles
Steve: Well you’re forgettin’ that just prior to that, he uh, he said grace.
Ricky: Oh, he said grace!
Steve: Before we ate.
Ricky: Right, it’s me, it was me, Steve, and Ash, our producer, you know the little, um, disabled fella, all right, and he’s, he’s there, in his wheelchair, and there’s me and Steve, we’re, we’re standin’ up, during grace,
Karl: By the way, can I just stop you there.
Ricky: Go on.
Karl: Saw someone in the week, and, um,
Steve: Sorry, did we bore you?
Ricky laughs
Karl: No – you just reminded me, then about the little producer, who was in the wheelchair,
Ricky: Yeah. Yeah.
Karl: Last week you said, Blah blah blah, and our producer who’s in a wheelchair, got a text from someone sayin’ What’s happened to you? They thought you were talkin’ ‘bout me.
Ricky: Oh, really!
Steve: Oh!
Ricky: Oh!
Steve: You’re – you’re handicapped in a different way.
Karl: So go on.
Ricky: And uh, Tom O’Conner, he said, uh, Uh, Thank you, God, for,
Steve: We thought this was a joke, initially, we thought it was going to be like a kind of cheeky gag,
Ricky: That’s why we were laughing out loud.
Steve: That’s why we were laughing raucously.
Ricky laughs
Ricky: But anyway, then he went, Oh, thank you God for this, and, uh, and help those, who walk alone. And Ash went, What about those that don’t walk at all? He said, I’ve never been, I’ve never been left out of grace before!
Ricky giggles
Steve: So we had to, I know we like bowed our heads slightly, and did we say Amen? I know we were sort of, a lot of people did,
Ricky: I’m pretty sure,
Steve: Cliff, probably, chimed in there,
Ricky: Yeah. He sang it.
Steve: And uh, exactly. So um,
Ricky: Like Mariah Carey.
Steve: So anyway, again, you see, what Ricky’s forgetten is, before Tom took to the stage, this guy walks up there, I don’t know who he is, says, There’s a lot of people here this afternoon, you know, it’s a wonderful event, but of course, there’s a load of celebrities as well.
Ricky: He said, Thank you for all the celebrities that have turned up. And then he went, (picks up paper) Table 77, Mr Russ Abbott.
Ricky claps
Ricky: Round of applause. Can we have the spotlight there?
Steve: Russ Abbott, by the way, smoking a pipe. He looked like um, a bit like, uh, Barrett Holmes. The hilarious Sherlock Holmes character.
Ricky: Then he went, Table 107, the cast of Bad Girls. Clap.
Ricky claps
Steve: We all had to clap.
Ricky: Then he went, Table 5, Alice Beer. Clap.
Steve: Slightly smaller clapping.
Ricky: Yeah, yeah. And it’s, it’s just like, and I thought, when is this gonna –
Steve: He went through every single celebrity in the room.
Ricky: And there were about, you know, 100.
Steve: Table 53, John Inman, everyone! It’s John Inman! Round of applause.
Steve claps
Ricky: Yeah, yeah. Uh, Table 70, Mr Simon Cowell.
Ricky boos
Steve: Yeah, there was booing there.
Ricky: And they all booed him!
Steve: That was nice.
Ricky: Yeah, it was a joke, ironic booing, I think.
Karl: Did they cheer for Foxy. Was he on a table.
Steve: We didn’t see Foxy.
Ricky: Foxy wasn’t there. He was doin’ his show. When they went up, he won an award, Cowell and, uh, Waterman, and Chapman,
Steve: Table 43, Peter Sissons, everyone. Peter Sissons. Went through every single name, Ricky got so paranoid they might mention him that we, we kind of legged it upstairs and were watching from the balcony as they shone the spot light on our table,
Ricky: Empty chairs!
Steve: And it was empty,
Ricky laughs
Steve: That was particularly fun. But uh, then in the end, Sir Cliff got up there, right, ‘cause Sir Cliff was giving out the um, the lifetime achievement award. Right, he gets up and goes Dadada, this is a personal friend of mine, a 7-days-a-week friend. Lifetime achievement award goes to, Mrs Gloria Hunniford. Right, we immediately start thinking what exactly were her lifetime achievements.
Ricky: I think living that long.
Steve: That’s pretty much it. I don’t know what it is she’s done.
Karl: I can tell you what she does
Steve: I know she does, Radio 2 or everything like that,
Ricky: We’re not dissing her, we’re not dissing anyone!
Steve: No! Good luck to her.
Ricky: We’re not taking the mick out of anyone,
Steve: But anyway, she’s,
Ricky: It was a strange, it was a strange event!
Steve: But Gloria got taken unawares by this, and started to ad-lib a speech. Right, and I swear to God, about 12 minutes in, she was telling us how, and I can tell you now if you’re interested, her lovely daughter Karen, is currently in Australia, it’s partly work it’s partly a holiday, Karl, and she’s havin’ a whale of a time. But she’s not spoken to her for ages!
Ricky: And then she went, she went, Actually she’s been there for a long time,
Steve: Yeah, she’s –
Ricky: And it’slike (mumbles) go, She doesn’t call,
Steve: Yeah!
Ricky: You do that, you get on Blue Peter, and this is how she –
Ricky fake cries
Steve: We thought she was gonna get photos out, maybe, start showin’ it – it was just, bizarre.
Ricky: No, it was, it was a nice event, and uh, everyone there, Henry Cooper was there,
Steve: It was good because every single element as well was sponsored by someone,
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: I was lookin’ at the menu, I’ve got the programme here, and the menu, right, pudding, is sponsored by Electrolux.
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve laughs
Steve: I mean, I don’t know if you’ve ever had a pudding sponsored by,
Ricky: Yeah
Steve: Electrolux,
Ricky: I was sponsored by Zanussi.
Karl: When everyone was doin’ the prayers, did you, did you look at ‘em with their eyes shut. Like, like you did at school.
Ricky sniggers
Ricky: What do you mean.
Karl: Well, wh – when you had to -
Ricky: Did you look at someone with your eyes shut.
Karl: No, you do that. You do your um, your hands together,
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: You sort of look at people with their eyes shut, and think that’s what they look like they’re sleeping.
Ricky: Play a record.
Steve laughs
Karl: Didn’t you ever do that?
Song: Cornershop - Lessons Learned From Rocky
Testicles (Absence Of)
Ricky: Table 60, Liza Tarbuck.
Steve hahas
Ricky: That uh, Cornershop, Lessons Learned from Rocky – I love that guitar.
Steve: Mm.
Ricky: That’s great. That’s real glam rock, T Rex and Bowie, I was gonna play summat from uh, Ziggy Stardust today, but instead I brought in a different album. I’m gonna play a bit a’ Bowie, is that all right?
Steve: Mm, of course. Always. Yeah.
Ricky: Bit a’ Beatles. Still to come up, by the way, we um, the um, with the Education of Karl, last week he did Che Guevara,
Steve: Very good. Yeah.
Ricky: He did very well. Before that, the week before that, he learned all about Rasputin, didn’t ya.
Ricky: And, this week you’ve been studying Hitler, haven’t you.
Karl: (grunts)
Ricky: How did that go, how’d you (mumbles)
Karl: It’s a bit tough.
Ricky: Ok.
Karl: Um, I’ll give you the full story later, Steve. Do you know much about him?
Steve: No.
Karl: ‘Sum, they’re all linked. All these stories I’ve been reading. They’ve all got a similar sort of thing going through ‘em.
Steve: Right.
Karl: They’re born, they have a bit of a tough upbringing,
Steve: Mmhm.
Karl: Things aren’t going well, and they seem to take it out on, on other people.
Steve: Ok.
Karl: But I’ll tell you more later.
Steve: Ok.
Ricky: Yeah, I don’t think you can, I mean, I don’t think Hitler and Che Guevara –
Karl: It’s the same thing! Che Guevara, when he was a kid,
Ricky: Yeah,
Karl: Had like, asthma.
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: All right? He wasn’t an happy kid. Uh, Hitler, um, he um,
Steve: He only had one ball.
Ricky: Right!
Karl: Well, I was tryin’ to find about that,
Ricky: Ye—seriously, he phoned me up in the week, I said, How’s it going, he went, I’ve skimmed it. I’ve just skimmed it. I was looking for the uh, the testicle thing. Now I don’t know if they left that out, or it’s not true.
Steve: Right.
Ricky: So he was, he was trying to look up that Hitler has only got one ball.
Karl: I think they only did it to wind him up.
Ricky titters
Karl: Because it’s like, yeah, you might be takin’ over the world, but we’re all sayin’ you’ve only got one testicle.
Steve: Sure. So did you, did you look in the index and it’s sort of Hitler, Adolph, Family Life, Early Childhood, Testicles. Testicles (Absence Of).
Karl: Sort of skimmed through, because,
Ricky: One of!
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: Mother – brackets Other.
Steve: Yeah, yeah.
Ricky: Yeah. Albert Hall!
Steve: Yeah.
Karl: The only thing I could find was at one point, in, in, like, when he was tryin’ to run the place, was like there was a meeting going on, and somebody had put a bag in a, in the meeting room, and it blew up.
Ricky: Yeah, and the table -
Karl: And I wonder it if was under the table.
Steve: What, you’re wondering if it blew a testicle off?
Ricky: It wasn’t, it wasn’t, what, the testicle was under the table?
Steve: No, the bag – the bag blew off the ball.
Ricky: No, the ball sack was probably hanging below the uh, protective top. And so, that’s where he could’ve lost –
Steve: But why would he’ve only just lost the one?
Ricky: Uh, because the,
Karl: The way he was sittin’.
Ricky laughs
Steve: Cross-legged or something. Sure. Sure, Ok. Well, I mean, again, again, last week we had a Che Guevara expert phoned up, maybe there’s a Hitler expert this time who can maybe phone up and confirm the uh, the testicle theory.
Ricky: Yeah. Yeah.
Steve: What’s the number again, Karl?
Karl: 08700 800 1234.
Steve: You need to at least have a PhD or something.
Ricky: I don’t – I don’t think we should invite calls about Hitler. I think we’re asking for trouble.
Karl: No.
Steve: No, I think someone who’s done a study of him and who’s done a PhD.
Ricky: Ok. All right.
Steve: I’m not talking about any old nutter.
Ricky: And also um, uh, Karl’s lottery numbers. He’s a little bit more confident this week.
Steve: Ok, good.
Ricky: He went, he went, they’re more like it, and I looked at ‘em and I laughed, he went, No, no, even Suzanne said I’m on the – more on the right lines there.
Steve titters
Ricky: Is there, is anyone who um, uh, has done a degree in Maths or A level Maths, that can bear, Karl won’t believe this, right. Karl thinks, I was tryin’ to, I know I was partly doin’ this to confuse him, just to see that look on his face, like a cat. All right? But, there is, the chances, with random numbers, for example, the lottery, of gettin’ 1-2-3-4-5-6, are not greater than any other, single combination.
Steve: Right.
Ricky: Now that’s true. I don’t mean you’re more likely to get 1-2-3-4-5-6 than any other combination put together, but than any other individual combination, they’re all equal. It’s counter-intuitive, I know, I know you think that to get a run of 1 to 6, is less likely than anything else, but it’s not. Uh, any names,
Karl: It is.
Ricky: It’s not, Karl. If there’s a, a probability,
Karl: It’s never happened. It’s never happened.
Steve: Yeah, but there’s any number of combinations that
Ricky and Steve: Never happened.
Ricky: Every one of to those combinations that have come up, have happened, and they’re just as likely, or unlikely, as any other combination. Right? It’s just that you feel, intuitively, right, that 1-2-3-4-5-6 is less likely than 1-7 -12 -34 - 60 – you know what I mean?
Karl: Well, I didn’t win.
Ricky laughs
Ricky: Play a record.
Steve: Ok.
Song: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under the Bridge
Song: Wu-Tang Clan - Uzi
He Rid Ireland of Foxes
Ricky: Wu-Tang Clan. Uzi. On Xfm 104.9. Well, here we are, the day before St Patrick’s day.
Steve: Oh, hooray! Brilliant!
Ricky: Guiness. Etc.
Steve: I hate people, I hate British – English people, I should say, who are obsessed with celebrating St Patrick’s Day. You know, all crazy, like Chris Evans used to rave on about it – We’re going to Dublin! We’re gonna get drunk! Waaah. It’s like, it means nothing to me.
Ricky: I think Xfm used to do that, to be honest.
Steve: Well, yeah. Exactly. Just as bad.
Ricky: Careful. Careful. They are our employers. You don’t wanna – you don’t wanna annoy ‘em. What would we do without this?
Steve sniggers
Steve: That’s true.
Ricky: All right?
Steve: Have an enjoyable Saturday.
Ricky: No! This is my favourite 2 hours! You enjoy this, don’t ya?
Steve: Well, I dunno…
Ricky: We can’t do this through May and June!
Steve: No, we’ll be gone.
Ricky: We’ve gotta be – we gotta record the 2nd series of The Office. What we you gonna do, Karl. What are you gonna do on a Saturday.
Steve: Host the show yourself?
Karl: Do it on me own.
Ricky: You are not!
Steve: Are you seriously thinkin’ of it. Have they asked you to do it?
Ricky: We’ve made you everything that you’re –
Steve: Why, why would you not think about it.
Karl: ‘Cause I’ve been there, done that.
Ricky and Steve laugh
Steve: Next challenge, please!
Ricky: Oh, dear. D’you know uh, d’you know uh, what St Patrick did? Why he was revered as a saint and everything? What was he famous for in Ireland. He did – he rid Ireland of something.
Karl: I don’t know, but I’ll bet he started off with something odd, happening in his life.
Ricky laughs
Steve: What you think he had asthma or something, as a kid.
Karl: They all – they all do.
Steve: And he took it out on what, then?
Ricky: What did he – exactly. He took it out on something. What did he do. What did he rid Ireland of.
Karl: Uhhh….
Steve: St Patrick.
Ricky: St Patrick.
Steve: This is why we’re gonna get crazy and drunk tomorrow, this is why we’re all so happy to celebrate his uh, anniversary, or whatever it is we’re celebratin’. This is why we –
Ricky: That’s why we have a craic,
Steve: Yeah. This is why we don’t bother to celebrate, you know, the birthdays of James Joyce, one of the great novelists of this century, or Samuel Beckett, one of the great playrights, we actually celebrate this man. St Patrick. The man who did what.
Ricky: All right, don’t diss him. He did a good job of it, as well. ‘Cause there’s none there now. There are none of these in Ireland. So, he rid Ireland of something.
Steve: C’mon, Karl. Think of something. Just give us an answer. What’s -
Ricky: He ran around on a horse, wackin’ ‘em.
Karl: He went on a horse wackin’ ‘em.
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: What was it, Karl?
Ricky: What did he rid Ireland of.
Karl: Foxes? I dunno.
Ricky: Well, no,
Steve: No, you’re along the right lines.
Karl: Uh,
Ricky: It was an animal.
Karl: Oh! Bears?
Ricky and Steve chuckle
Steve: Yes it was! Yes, it was bears.
Ricky: Wow! It was snakes.
Karl: Right.
Ricky: And there are no snakes in Ireland.
Steve: He rid Ireland of all the snakes.
Ricky: Yeah?
Karl: Who did it ‘ere then, ‘cause there aren’t that many.
Steve: Well, I think he had a stab at it over here as well, but got tired, went back.
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: That’s why there’s a few snakes here. Is it true that there are no snakes in Ireland.
Ricky: I think it is. I think it, someone call us, and um,
Steve: And what is there, is there any historical evidence for St Patrick? mean, how did he do it – was it like the Pied Piper.
Ricky: See, I – I – I’m not convinced that he did go around killin’ snakes,
Steve: Really?
Ricky: But there are no snakes in Ireland, yeah. If someone – someone just uh, we had a few uh, probability experts and statisticians and Maths graduates, confirming that, indeed I was correct, that the probability of 1-6 in a row is no more or less likely than any other single combination, in a totally random selection. Of balls. Which brings us back to Hitler, doesn’t it. ‘Cause he only had one, didn’t he.
Karl: Well …
Ricky: Coming up, we’ll be asking Karl all about Hitler. The Education of Karl. He’s done Rasputin, he’s done Che Guevara.
Steve: Plus of course, uh, White Van Karl.
Ricky: White Van Karl.
Steve: Where we ask Karl some of the uh, his opinions on some of the hot potatoes of the week.
Ricky: You learn as you go along,
Steve: Yup.
Ricky: ‘Cause that was St Patrick there, and that was thrown in for free, that was an extra,
Karl: I’ll learn you somethin’ here. Snakes –
Ricky: Well, sorry – can I just stop you there, and I’ll teach you something. Right?
Karl: Go on. Go on then.
Ricky: You don’t learn someone something. You teach them something.
Karl: Yep.
Ricky: It’s not – one’s passive. You – you learn,
Steve: Ricky, I – sorry, mate, but I don’t think you should be teaching a bloke to speak or use grammar.
Ricky laughs
Steve: I just don’t think it’s appropriate.
Karl: Snakes –
Steve: It’s like, it’s embarrassing, frankly. ‘Cause there’s SO many errors you’re making, it’s like, where to start, with you.
Ricky: Oh!
Karl: Snakes, right, you’re talkin’ about snakes,
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: A lot of snakes are born with 2 heads. It’s like a f- it’s like a familiar type thing that happens to snakes.
Steve: Ok.
Ricky: Yeah. They take it for granted, don’t they!
Karl: All right? Snakes born, 2 heads, they’ll fight each other for food, even though it’s still the same body.
Ricky: I’nt that weird.
Karl: Mm.
Steve: Where there kids at school,
Ricky bursts out in laughter
Steve: Who had 2 heads –
Ricky: The snake twins!
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: From Moseley!
Steve: Was it, was, there was kids at your school with 2 heads, is that right?
Ricky: No – no – they had big heads.
Steve: Oh, they had big heads.
Ricky: And, webbed hands, but they weren’t related, and they – they weren’t friends, ‘cause that would’ve been to obvious, he said.
Steve: Yeah. Yeah.
Ricky: Oh – oh, Steve – before you came in, right, I sneezed a coupla times, I don’t know if I’m allergic to summat, or I’ve still got a bit of a cold, and I said, Oh God, he went, Bloody hell, I said, Sorry. And he went, then he went, You know you can’t sneeze with your eyes open, I went, Yeah. Yeah. And then he was obviously thinkin’ to himself still, and after a pause, he went, would your eyes really fly out? And I started laughin’, he went, No, has anyone ever done that, do you think?
Steve laughs
Karl: Has anyone ever held someone down, torturin’ ‘em, and held their eyelids open, and gave ‘em pepper, and see if their eyes would fly out. And he said, and then, and then he went, I – I’m just lookin’ at him again, the silence, and then he went, of his own accord, he just went, I can’t see it happenin’.
Steve laughs
Karl: You’ve got a song here, Ricky.
Ricky: Oh! This, I’ve - yeah, um, Bowie. Sorrow. It’s beautiful.
Song: David Bowie - Sorrow
Took the Literary World By Surprise
Ricky: Sorrow, by David Bowie. I got that on a compilation today but I think... I think that's originally from the Pin Ups album, the one where he did all the covers, because he didn't write that, did he? That was the one with him and Twiggy on the front cover, isn't it?
Steve: Right.
Ricky: I haven't heard that for ages, I haven't got that.
Steve: Sorry, you lost me, I don't know what are you talking about.
Ricky: You're reading a book there?
Steve: No, I'm just reading the brochure there... the programme if you will for the Television and Radio Industries Club awards that we went to, which incidentally, we lost.
Karl: hmm.
Ricky: Yeah, we lost to Linda Green.
Steve: Yeah, we didn't win an award. But you might be interested to know that "Tom O'Connor is in constant demand for corporate functions both here and abroad, and his client list includes many multinational companies. No mean golfer, Tom took the literary world by surprise in 1992, when his first humorous golf book 'From the Wood to the Tees' made the best seller list". I notice it didn't took the literary world by storm, it took it by surprise.
Ricky: They're going "we can't say storm, we gotta say by surprise... from behind"
Steve laughs.
Steve: But umm... "His first book humorous golf book 'From the Woods to the Tee' made the best seller list" I don't know if it's just books about golf, that best seller list "subsequent successful books include ' One Flew Over the Club House'"
Ricky: Brilliant. Genius.
Steve laughs.
Steve: "'Take a Funny Turn', 'Follow me I'm Right Behind You', and 'Eat Like a Horse, Drink Like a Fish'". but...
Karl: Does it mention celebrity squares? Didn't he do that?
Ricky: No
Steve: Nah, he did umm... "Name That Tune"
Ricky: Crosswits... Once right, it's uh...
Steve: Crosswits, do you remember Crosswits?
Ricky: It was from the eighties
Steve: It was like a crossword game show.
Ricky: It was often with, umm, Kate Copstick. But I saw one, right, it was on, it was on Challenge TV, and Andy Crane... remember Andy Crane?
Karl: Yup.
Ricky: He was on, he was the link man and he went "Coming on next, Tom O'Connor with Crosswits, with, uh, well, in my opinion one of the best Crosswits players of all time John Junkin"
Steve laughs.
Steve: Who is you favourite Crosswits player Karl?
Ricky: Aw it's gotta be Junkin, but Copstick was alright.
Steve: Barry Cryer is bloody good.
Ricky: Cryer is good, he is good. I watched "Call My Bluff" in the week.
Steve: Is this with Toksvig and Coren?
Ricky: Yeah... It was quite good, I quite enjoyed it.
Steve: I reckon you could actually get on there if you wanted.
Ricky: I used to watch it with uh... What's his name? Frank Muir... Frank Muir. there's my impression.
Steve: You are a brilliant impressionist, because of course when Bowie was playing, you were doing your infamous Bowie impression, which is the best one you do actually.
Ricky: Well that's just because Karl said "You know what?" he said "I'd love to go out for a drink with David Bowie, of all the people who come here for sessions, I think he's really good" and I said "I think he'd like you as well". That's all, and I just went (Doing David Bowie impression) "Hello Karl, you're strange, you're alien. You interest me, myself and Iggy would like to put you on a...". Yeah, and I just imagine you and Bowie in a pub somewhere.
Steve: Isn't that the same impression you do when you are doing Ian Camfield?
Ricky: (Doing Ian Camfield impression) "No, Ian Camfield is more like that"
Steve chuckles.
Ricky: But not on air, on air he's this, sort of this eloquent forty year-old Capital DJ, and uh...
Steve: Yeah, but when you talk to him in the studio he's a rock legend.
Ricky: He's slowly turning into Tommy Vance, isn't he.
Karl: Yeah.
Ricky: It's one of his pillars of rock, he loves Vance, Lemmy, Diano.
Steve: If we run out of material later in the show, which is... You know, likely...
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: Considering we are now talking about Camfield's favorite...
Ricky: We ran out of it at about five past one.
Steve: Exactly, but could I maybe interview you as David Bowie? As a sort of humorous sketch.
Ricky: Yeah. That would be fantastic.
Steve: Maybe it could the idea of like, you know, what if David Bowie was a cab driver, what would he say, what are the sort of funny things that he would say.
Ricky: We saw that! We saw that uhm... What was that in, when it said "Dead Ringers, coming up, if you ever wondered what uhh... It would sound like"
Steve: Dead Ringers is this impressionist show they did... It's on Radio 4 and they did a TV version...
Karl: Yeah, I saw that.
Steve: And what did you make of it?
Karl: I didn't like it.
Song: Travis - Flowers in the Window
She Wasn't Injured!
transcript here
Song: Elliot Smith - Son of Sam
Ask Me Some Stuff On Hitler
transcript here
Song: P.J. Harvey - This is Love
17 Quadrillion Gallons
transcript here
Song: Blur - Girls and Boys
Oh, the Humanity
transcript here
Song: The Hives - ?
Lift Karl, Lift Karl
transcript here
Song: The Beatles - You've Got to Hide Your Love Away
Proving Mrs Matthews Wrong
transcript here
Song: Belle and Sebastian
end