Monkey News (blog)

Ooohh!!! Chimpanzee That!!! Monkey News is a blog created on 16 March 2008 by Ricky Gervais in response to Karl's recent lack of output and unwillingness to do more podcasts. The blog (named after the popular feature) revealed several facts about Karl that were previously unknown. Apparently, Karl does look at "the forums" (assumed to be primarily the Pilkipedia forums) and he generally does not like what is posted there about his work. Karl specifically did not like conspiracy threads against his true identity. In addition, it was revealed that Karl lives in a house in Kent and uses his flat in London as an office. Much to the surprise of fans, Ricky initially updated the blog frequently, even providing updates on Karl's reaction to previous blog posts. The blog also included past clips of podcasts at the end of each post. The blog is still currently active.

Fan Reaction

Reaction to the blog was mixed, but mostly involved surprise and disappointment. According to forum posts about the initial few entries, some fans were excited to see direct communication from Ricky. The fact that Karl actually looked at the forum also excited others with fans directly addressing him in response posts. However, the overall tone was shock that Karl was essentially stopping his output with Ricky and Steve, and that this may have been a direct result of the forum itself. Responses primarily consisted of fans asking for Karl's return, citing how much they appreciated his work, however a few others supported Karl's decision.

Archive

The following is an archive of the posts found in the blog.

Entry No. 1 - 16 March 2008

Since charging for the podcasts The Ricky Gervais show sold about 2 million episodes (plus a further 48 million free downloads). We're not saying how much Karl made from this but he now has a house in Kent as well as his Marylebone flat, which he keeps on as his office. We're not sure why he has an office as he rarely does any work now.

When he's not in his Kent retreat he is visiting either his girlfriend's parents in Manchester or his own parents in Wales (he did both the last two weekends for example). He is in Kent this weekend.

Whenever Ricky phones him and asks what he is up to work-wise, Karl usually replies "nothin' - no point".

Karl refuses to do any further podcasts because he is "sick of people moaning".

He still reads forums. Comments like "It's definitely scripted" and "Karl is a character whose real name is Graham" have annoyed Karl so much that last week he told Ricky that he wishes he could turn the internet off to see their "stupid fuckin' faces".

Apparently they don't like it when Karl swears either.

So with no more Pilkington available Ricky has decided to write a blog to report Karl's every move. Ricky is doing this to annoy Karl. Karl recons Ricky will be bored in a week.

He is probably right.

Enjoy a classic Monkey News here to celebrate the launch of this new blog

Entry No. 2 - 18 March 2008

Karl is still in Kent. He says there is no point going into London anymore as "everyone tries to rip you off there" (he got two parking tickets in one day).

He is also "sick of doing pointless meetings with people who don't know what they want". So he stayed down in Kent "playin' scrabble 'n' that".

I pointed out that if he did some work he would have money coming in as well as out. He said "I'm doin' another book and I can do that anywhere". I said, "But you're not doing the book; you're playing scrabble".

He replied, "I've learnt two new words that can go in the book". "What are they?" I said. "Tittle", he said. (So look forward to reading that word in the new publication) "What was the other word?", I said. (long pause) "Can't remember". Idiot.

There are still a few teething problems with his new coastal home. He had to have someone come round and sort out the windows. "That's 300 quid a window", he moaned. "How many windows do you have", I asked. "Loads", he said. "It's like a fuckin' greenhouse".

Well we all know about people who live in glasshouses...

Entry No. 3 - 19 March 2008

Karl is annoyed with me.

"Why did you mention I lived in Kent?" was the whinge. "Kent's a big place", I said. "No one will find you from that".

"They might", he said, "you've given 'em a challenge".

"Don't talk shit", I said. "How will they find you just from knowing you're in Kent? You gave away more when you said on The Culture Show that I chased you through the streets of central London to your flat".

"Yeah but the interesting bit in that story was the fact that a forty two year old world famous actor was chasing me through the streets. Not the fact that I lived in central London".

Good point. I laughed and said, "imagine if you start getting notes put through the door saying 'Karl Pilkington do you live here'?".

Karl said "I wouldn't worry. Not even the postman can get that right. Most of my letters are to Karl fucking Dilkington".

Entry No. 4 - 19 March 2008

Karl has realised that I'm not getting bored with this blog. He hasn't realised that the more it annoys him the more focused I am. He is now trying hard not to tell me anything. He is failing miserably.

He called me today and said "What do you know about the brain?"

He is writing his new book at the moment. It is about "Knowledge and learning and that".

I said, "Well I told you all about the fact that it's divided into two lobes joined by the corpus callosum". Silence. He'd forgotten everything already. (I'd spent ages the other week telling him about 1950's experiments where people had their corpus callosums cut and how the two sides of their brain could no longer communicate with each other.)

He said, "We start with a woman's brain". I said, "Well we all start out as women,; the foetus...".

"No", he said, "even after we're born we've got a woman's brain".

I was intrigued. "What do you mean"? I said. "I don't question your knowledge", he said.

"I'm not questioning it. What do you mean though"?

"Just got it off the internet", he said.

Of course he did.

Talking of the internet, thanks to all the websites that have plugged this blog, particularly pilkipedia.com. Someone on one of the forums wondered if I was doing this to annoy Karl or entertain fans of the podcasts...

Well both actually. And the beauty of it is, the more it entertains people, the more it annoys Karl. It's the perfect crime.

If you run a website or a fanzine or work on a radio station, please plug this blog and talk about the orange headed chimp-gimp that is forever Karl Pilkington.

Make posters if you own a shop and stick them in the window. Especially, if you live in Kent. Call Invicta radio and dedicate a song to him. People! Friends! Monkey fans! Come together and annoy Karl. He is your leader. He is your messiah! He is your God!

And he fucking hates it. Bear witness to Karl's heavenly judgement here.

Entry No. 5 - 19 March 2008

Genius Alert!

Urgent: You have to see this. This is the one of the best animations I have ever seen. This guy should win awards. He hasn't just animated it he's added to the comedy. I was honestly blown away by the style and attention to detail. Please tell your friends. And Joost Reijmers - whoever you are, you are a genius, and I would work with you tomorrow. (Well not tomorrow I've got to get some new sweatpants and have a hair cut). Brilliant. Check it out here at You Tube

Entry No. 6 - 21 March 2008

Karl and Suzanne came round for dinner tonight. Karl arrived first as Suzanne said she didn't know about the meal. Karl swore on his mother's life that he told her last night. She said, "I don't remember".

Karl said, "Of course I told you. Why didn't I text you today asking what was for dinner? Because we were eating out"

I said, "Do you text her every day to ask her what's for dinner?"

"Yes", they said.

According to Suzanne the first she heard about it was at 6.45pm tonight.

"Well you should've known something was up cos we usually eat by then", explained Karl

"We usually eat at about 8.30", said Suzanne.

Karl insisted, "No. Last night when Location Location Location started, we'd already finished eating, cos you were patting my back cos I had wind"

She was patting his back cos he had wind! Patting his back like a big bald six-foot baby. Unbelievable.

Karl had a brain-scan this week because he kept getting headaches. Luckily everything was normal.

"Well...", said Suzanne, "it looked very round".

I could not believe my luck. Even his fucking brain is round.
Here's a clip of Karl discussing brains and revealing in the process that his doesn't work

Entry No. 7 - 21 March 2008

Karl drove to Manchester again today for the long weekend.

Another holiday.

It annoys me a bit because he's not doing any work. The podcasts are still selling and he's just sitting back and receiving a fat cheque every month.

I am too but I'm doing something towards it; I'm trying to create new content and motivate him to give a little back.

"Why are you doin' anything for them?" he said. (He is referring to the people who say that the podcast is scripted and that his real name is Graham.)

I said, "I'm not doing anything for them, I'm doing stuff for the other 99% of the people who like what we do and still listen to the podcasts."

I think I'm getting through to him a bit as he eventually said he might do another show after I've finished the movie. So maybe in the autumn you can hear fresh talk of ghosts, Auntie Nora, and maybe even monkey news - the original Monkey news, not this blog.

I found an amazing photo of Karl on my iPhone that I took last night at dinner. Suzanne stands behind him and hangs her hair over his egg-like bonce to create the illusion of a chimp with a fringe. Unfortunately I had promised not to put it on the blog before he let me take it. I can't go back on my word but I will persuade him to change his mind somehow.

Here's a clip of Karl on the subject of hair where there shouldn't be hair