Series 1 - Kate Winslet
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| Episode no. | 3 | |
| Original airdate | 04 August 2005 | |
| Written by | Ricky Gervais Stephen Merchant | |
| Directed by | Ricky Gervais Stephen Merchant | |
| Guest stars | Kate Winslet | |
The third episode of the first series of Extras.
Plot
Andy and Maggie are extras in a World War II film starring Kate Winslet who is playing a Catholic nun hiding Jewish people in the church. Maggie discusses her fear of offending God with Andy. She’s worried because actors are running about pretending to be nuns on the set. Andy lets her know that it doesn’t bother him since he is an atheist. Maggie sees another extra named Suzanne in the hallway who introduces her to her sister Fran who has cerebral palsy. Maggie is currently dating a crew member named Mike who works with props. She tells Andy that he likes to talk dirty on the phone and she’s uncomfortable because she doesn’t know what to say to him. Kate Winslet overhears the conversation and offers her advice by sharing some explicit suggestions. Andy fancies Suzanne and attempts to get close to her on the set.
Andy once again meets with his agent, Darren Lamb for a catch-up meeting but nothing has come in for him. Andy asks him if he’s sent his television show script to anyone, of course, he hasn’t. Back on the set, Andy and Maggie have a conversation about heaven with Suzanne and Fran. Andy is put in an awkward situation when Fran asks him if everything will be alright in heaven. Not wanting to disappoint a disabled person, Andy lies and says he believes in God. He even goes a step further by saying he is a Catholic and, coincidentally, Suzanne and Fran are also Catholics. Kate Winslet once again offers advice to Maggie about talking dirty and she admits to Andy and Maggie that she’s only doing a film about the Holocaust to win an Oscar.
Andy continues to flirt with Suzanne on the set, especially after Fran lets him know that she likes him. Suzanne invites Andy to a get together with some friends and to his surprise, it turns out to be a prayer meeting. He tries to keep his lie going at the meeting and ends up lying to a priest who sees through his story. He admits that he pretended to be Catholic to get close to Suzanne and also confesses that he lied about believing in heaven and God. Back on the set the next day Mike breaks up with Maggie because he discovered that she told Andy and Kate Winslet about the dirty talk.
Quotes
- Maggie: He likes to talk dirty on the phone. He’ll call me up and he’s coming up with all this filth.
Andy: Why would you tell me that? …What does he say? What does he say?
Maggie: He calls up and says things like, “Oh, what are you doing?”
Andy: What do you say?
Maggie: Well I didn’t know what was going on at first, I didn’t realize, so I was just honest with him and I said, “Oh, I’m just cleaning out the vegetable drawer to the fridge.”
- Kate Winslet: Why don’t you just start off with something light, you know, like um, “I’d love it if you stuck your Willy Wonka between my Oompa Loompas,” you know, something a bit fun, a bit jokey. And then you can get more hardcore, rattle off the old classics like, “I’m playing with my dirty pillows, I’m aching for your big purple-headed womb ferret.” And then go straight in hard like, “Get round here cause I’m fudding myself stupid and I’m bloody loving it.” Alright?
- Andy: Kate Winslet just talking dirty to Anne Frank and Joseph Gerbels, just another normal day.
- Andy: I mean, apart from sitting there waiting for the phone to ring, what have you done? Have you called anyone, have you sent the script out?
Darren: What script, sorry?
Andy: Oh man, the scipt I gave you 2 months ago.
Darren: Script that sounds good.
Andy: The sitcom.
Darren: Yeah, funny
Andy: You haven’t read it?
Darren: What’s it called? Cause I can get a hold of that.
Andy: When the Whistle Blows.
Darren: I’ll just write down, “When the W. Blows.”
Andy: Don’t put “W” you’ll forget what the “W” stands for. Write it all out.
Darren: No, When the Wind Blows.
Andy: Whistle!
Darren: I’ll put that in: “W equals wind.”
Andy: Whistle!
Darren: Whistle, it’s there. It’s in.
- Andy: Catholicism: the C-word… not the C-word, a C-word.
- Maggie: Oh how was the date?
Andy: The date. Oh good, let me just go over some highlights for you: lied to a priest in front of a room full of Christians, some of them elderly, some of them just weird and bewildered, so insulted them and their belief system; made a woman hate me for the rest of her life. Yeah? Don’t believe in God before, definitely going to hell. I liked her as well.
Maggie: Oh, hey listen, but don’t worry, I know someone who’d be perfect for you. She’s desperate and she has real trouble hanging on to men because she’s clinically depressed.
Andy: Have you got her number?
Maggie: I do actually I think it’s in my phone.
Andy: I’m being sarcastic because I don’t want to go out with a psychopath.
Maggie: Well she’s quite nice underneath.
Andy: Oh she’ll just cut you if she forgets to take her lithium.
Trivia
- This is the third episode to air in the UK and on the UK DVD release. Yet in America this was the first episode to air on HBO and it appears as the first episode on the US DVD release.