04 June 2005
 November 2001 - May 2002 List of episodes |
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Episodes:
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4th June 2005 Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant carry on with the show, the second in a run of 6.
Track Listing
1. Poxy Music
Ricky confesses his favourite Coldplay song, Speed of Sound. Steve says (correctly) that it sounds the same as all the other ones. Gervais laments Karl's complacency at not having a song he wanted to play, and then getting in the obligatory mention of Four Non Blondes. Gervais is also annoyed that he has not been sent any more free stuff, it makes Steve "fume". The lankmeister then recalls an incident where they played an advert for a tatto parlour.
2. Ginger-dread... man
Gervais does a spoof advert for "Jeff's garage", hilarious... The fat funnyman says that XFM is a tinpot station with no listeners... bitter man. The next target of his rage is Karl, branding the comedy genius as "miserable old chimp". Steve concedes that the Manc's arms are indeed Simian. Karl says "the hair on me body annoys me, I've got hairs on me little toes." Steve suggests that following on from last weeks finale, Karl should try and play a song with his feet while swinging from a tire. Karl gets angry that the place where he should have hair, his head, is bare. He hates being naked, even on holiday. "If you're a cat and you're shaved you don't look nice," he rationalises. The trio discuss Orangutang salons, Karl says they should be shaved. Gervais says he doesn't know how the "big, ugly ginger ones" get laid. "Ginger as well..." karl laments, before asking why ginger people "get stick". Two answeres crop up later in the show. Karl claims that "you never see a thin happy ginger cat running about," as they comfort eat (actually, I have a thin happy ginger cat so he's wrong.). The link concludes with Karl saying that he'd rather be bald than ginger.
3. Biology? Physics? Nah, penguins
The BAS Scientists are researching in Antarctica, in 24 hour darkness. They want Ricky to record a message for them, just as Rolf Harris has done. Steve thinks that if he was stuck in a hut for 3 months then a message from Rolf Harris would do little to brighten the mood (he clearly hasn't heard the wibble board...). The Holy Trinity of Comedy then promise to dedicate the whole show to them. Steve says they will just be looking at porn, or Pingu on a loop, then guesses that they are looking at penguins. Gervais then orders his bitch, Karl Pilkington, to tell them what's gone on in the world, he will later...
4. Star Bores Episode 4 : A New Pope
"Pope's dead." Karl tactfully informs the Antarctic Scientists. Steve says that the pope should have been put on a bed and wheeled past the crowds, good idea I think. Karl reckons that the Catholic Church should break tradition and get a younger pope, old people can't work; "Me dad couldn't even get a gig in B&Q," he reasons. "That's 'cause he's a thieving bastard!" Steve says before Karl reminds the listeners of his father's phonebox thieving in the village in Wales where he lives, inhabited by 8 people. The wily old Manc intercepts food parcels left in the phonebox by the local shop, and takes them for himself. Karl then terrifies the scientists by telling them of the foot long spider that eats chicken, discussed last week. Gervais protests that they'll think the world has been taken over. Steve thinks that the scientists will think the show is as bad as Big Brother. Now, the gingers... One theory that the wannabe lothario Merchant offers up is that Judas from the Bible was a ginger, the other explanation is that in Elizabethan times people with ginger hair were told that their mother slept with the devil. Steve doesn't believe either, Gervais thinks both are plausible. Karl is glad that Judas wasn't bald, otherwise he'd be mocked in the same way as Mick Hucknall is.
5. Lonely? No Messages? Call Ricky Gervais on 08...
A scientist emails in to say that they research the atmosphere, and that they do indeed have the internet (Steve could be right about the porn). Karl wonders whether Gervais's message will be given to the scientists that don't receive any post from friends and family. Karl also says that the scientists should just get the job done and go home.
6. Rick Waddler
Karl tells the scientists that they are better off not knowing about news, he doesn't know about the EU consitution. What he does know about is the "fat baby". Eventually, after two painful minutes he divulges some details. The "fat lads" have an illness called MOMO, there's only 3 of them in the world, one was 2 years old and 6 stone. The scientists must be fascinated as they hear Karl tell them of autism, about a boy who can recall every single detail of Eastenders. Karl says it's not really a disability, more a superpower. "Yeah, like Rain Man!" Steve laughs, "He's rain man, he has special autistic powers!" The lad should be taken away from Walford and be given an encyclopedia, according to Pilkington. He then goes on to say that disabilities have good points as well as bad points, like a "Cyclop". Ricky says that Karl has muddles history with mythology.
7. Rockblunders
Time for Rockbusters... a nation groans in disgust, especially as one of the prizes is Ladder 49. Ricky says that it's a very gay givaway. The clues are as follows:
1. "The fella let his wife know how he got the bruise on his leg" - CL
2. "That- er, that Potter lad has a lot of bottle messin' about with the wizards... what's gone on there?" - TB
3. "The Buddhists won't be able to get into the temple with out these. Ah - what do they need?" - TM
8. Stop The Clocks?
Gervais blasts the great Pilkoni for being daft, then tells a story of a monkey in a zoo who had a row with his father and escaped. "What was the argument about?" Karl said on the phone when Gervais told him. Karl says that his head has gone, he forgot what he was going to talk about. Steve says that Karl has got dimmer in 2005. Gervais once again mentions the whole "retarded" angle... yawn. Suzanne says Karl should stop watching telly as it makes his brain too active. Karl asked the never-seen woman upon waking up, "How do you freeze time?". He also randomly told Gervais, "You never see a black ghost."
9. "Are they me testicles or me ankles Suzanne?"
Time for another mention of the old "finger up the arse". Karl says that he would stress about it on the bus; "In 20 minutes I'll have a finger up me arse." Steve ponders whether female doctors are allowed to do the procedure. Ricky says that there's now two Karls in the room, and that doctors are all professional (best not mention Shipman then...). Steve says Ricky knows too much about these doctors. Karl's frightened that if something is found then more people will have to "have a go". He appeals for a doctor to phone in but doesn't know the phone number... he has to read it off a piece of paper. Steve says he wants one to phone as he has a pain "in the groin area.", Karl says that his testicles dropped while on holiday and that he "had problems walking". Ricky tells us again of his doctor trouble when he was 18, his "jeans are too tight, they're squashing your balls," according to the doctor. Karl says that his don't feel like his own before teasing us with news of another encounter with nudists.
10. Rob Bottom
Rob, a final year medical student is on the line. He reassures Karl that the finger is to check the prostate, and sometimes they stcik up a tube with a light, a sigmoidascope. Karl isn't convinced, he thinks it's not necessary. He admits that he is embarrassed by the idea, and doesn't understand how the doctor brings conversation round to the old finger. Rob says that it's the last thing in the checkup, and that he himself has had to do the accursed event. "Who's this person in your class that everyone is testing on?" Karl wonders, before saying that people should be able to test themselves. Steve pipes up, asking if female doctors do that, "loads" is the answer.
11. Porn-again Chimpian
Monkey News. There's a monkey called Pascal in a zoo in Toronto, Canada. The zookeepers gave the monkeys a camcorder to play with. Pascal was "a dab hand", really good at the lighting and focussing the shot. He filmed lots of mating monkeys, the zookeepers were impressed. They gave the tapes to monkeys that didn't mate, then suggested that Pascal go to China to film the pandas. "They wouldn't send a monkey director!" Ricky rages as Karl cuts to a song.
12. CL? TB? TM? I'ts all BS
Rockbusters Answers:
1. CL - Courtney Love (caught me knee love)
2. TB - The Bravery (brave Harry)
3. TM- The Monkees (the monk keys)
Gina from Horrowstead is the winner, as are all the listeners for the show has now ended. "More drivel next time," Steve promises.
Quotes
Playlist
Speed of Sound - Coldplay
Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC
Landed - Ben Folds
A Glorious Day - Embrace
Rainy Night In Soho - The Pogues
First Of The Gang To Die - Morissey
Across 100 and tenth street - Bobby Womak
Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
Hope There's Someone - Antony and the Johnsons
Why Do You Love Me - Garbage
It's The Night-time - Josh Rouse
Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen
Extras
Transcript Here When It's Done
Download
http://www.sendspace.com/file/nz2bv4
http://rapidshare.de/files/32357987/s04e02.mp3
http://savefile.com/files/57051