11 January 2003/Transcript
This is a transcript of the 11 January 2003 episode, from Xfm Series 2
I Still Didn't Stop Workin
Song: Travis - Love Will Come Through
Ricky: Travis, "Love Will Come Through" on XFM 104.9, I'm Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant, Karl Pilkington, etc. I've got some, uh, great tunes, actually, lined up--
Steve: Excellent.
Ricky: I've brought in, uhh, some Aimee Mann, some, uh, Neil Young, I'm gonna play my favorite Clash track. What are you- what have you got for us, Steve?
Steve: I've got a dynamite, uh, hip hop tune--
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: By The Roots, which I think you'll enjoy.
Ricky: Lovely. Lovely.
Steve: Got a little bit of, uhh, Joni Mitchell, maybe swing that on later.
Ricky: Ooh, excellent.
Steve: And, umm--
Ricky: I nearly brought in some Joni Mitchell, it's a good job I didn't.
Steve: Yeah, exactly and I'm sure--
Ricky: It wouldn't of made any difference. It wouldn't have made any difference.
Steve: No, we- we'd of probably played yours and--
Ricky: Yeah. Yeah.
Steve: I'd of been told to--
Ricky: Fine.
Ricky and Steve: Go awayyy.
Steve: With the tune of my ear.
Ricky: Uh, Karl, what have you got lined up for us, as the producer?
Ricky Laughs Slightly
Karl: Right, well, uhh, "Rockbusters"--
Ricky: Been off this week again.
Steve: Has he?!
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: Another week off?
Ricky: Another week off, yeah.
Karl: No, I didn't have a full week off, I had three days off--
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: Because I was workin' all over Christmas.
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: And, uhh, still didn't stop working, preparin' stuff.
Ricky and Steve Laugh Slightly
Karl: You've got a nice load of prizes there--
Steve: Yeah, givin' those away.
Karl: That I've sorted out. I had to come in here especially to sort that out.
Steve: Mm hmm.
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: Uhhm, "Rockbusters" will continue--
Steve: Did you rifle through the drawers up at Capital Gold instead of down here?
Karl: Yeh. Yeah. Uhh, "Rockbusters" - we're still doin' that.
Steve: Yeah.
Karl: Uhh--
Ricky: (Laughing) Yeah, you're biggin' it up.
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: He's biggin' it up.
Ricky and Steve Chuckle
Ricky: (Lifeless Karl Impression) Still doin' that.
Karl: We've got that. Uhh, last week, ehmm, we sort of changed "Educating Ricky" a bit.... Ehm... just a little bit.
Steve: Don't say, "We". I don't want to be incriminated in it.
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: Well- well I "changed it" in the sense that rather than giving ya too much information about different things - it's hard to sort of keep it all in--
Ricky: Yeeeah.
Karl: I'm givin' ya, sort of, information on one thing. So last- last week--
Ricky: Yeah. No, cuz some of your stuff was a little bit too intense for me. Uh, my favorite story was, "There was a blind girl, she hit her head and got better", and I couldn't take all that in at once.
Karl: Yeah.
Steve Chuckles
Ricky: So, you really should ration some of the education.
Karl: Well we- we sort of start--
Steve: Wasn't last week, uh, war-related, uhh, stories?
Karl: Yeah, it was, uhh, "War Do You Think of That, Then?" and it was--
Steve: "War Do You Think of That, Then".
Ricky: Sure.
Karl: And it was three things--
Ricky: And it was the French, uh, battle cry, uh, goin' over the top was, "John's got a mustache".
Steve Laughs
Ricky: Which you think was ambiguous because someone might have said that anyway.
Karl: Well, look, you've remembered it. So it's working.
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: So, we'll be doin' that and last week you said--
Ricky: Loads of French people have just gone to war, who are listening to this.
Steve: Yeah.
Karl: You, uhh, you said you wanted to learn some science this week so--
Ricky: Did I?
Karl: Yeah.
Steve Giggles
Karl: So, the title this week for that is: "A-cid I Would Sort You Some Science Out".
Steve Laughs
Ricky Laughs
Karl: "Acid"... "A-cid"... Because that's--
Steve: How long did that take you to come up with?
Ricky: Listen, right, no- people- people love Karl. There's comedians coming up to me and go, "Karl is the funniest man"--
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: They absolutely love him, right. But, I think we're only seeing half of it, right.
Steve: Mmm.
Ricky: If we can get him on television- his face, then, when he told me that title was like a child at Christmas.
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: It was- it was- he was so proud of it, he was excited what I was gonna- it was brilliant.
Steve: It's a bit like when a child's drawn a picture in art class: you know you've got to stick it on the fridge--
Ricky: You've gotta- yeah.
Steve: But you basically think it's crap.
Ricky: Yeah. Yeah.
Steve: (Laughing Slightly) It's very much like that.
Ricky and Steve: (High Pitch) All right, Karl?
Karl: Is that good?
Ricky and Steve: Yes.
Karl: So, we'll be doing that--
Ricky Laughs Slightly
Karl: "Do We Need 'Em?"...
Steve: Mm hmm.
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: Uhm--
Ricky: Have you got another one?
Karl: We have got another one. Looking at, uhh, snails this week.
Ricky: Ah, yeah.
Steve: Do we need snails? Because I know you're not a fan of snails, are you?
Karl: Well, after a bit of research, I found some good stuff ab- about, umm, like, they sleep for 13 years - some of 'em.
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky Laughs Slightly
Karl: And that. So we'll be looking into that later--
Steve: Ricky, you tried that once, didn't you?
Ricky: (Chuckling) Yeah, I know, yeah.
Karl: We've got "Ritual"... "Ricktual".
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: Yeah.
Karl: Which is something which I talk to you about--
Ricky: Well, last week's was brilliant.
Karl: What was it?
Ricky: It's good to have a flat head in India.
Steve: (Laughing) It's good to have a flat head in India. I forgot all about that.
Ricky: That's brilliant. Yeah.
Karl: Uhh, and, uhh, that's about it. That's--
Ricky: Well I'm gonna- I'm gonna s- play one of my favorite Smith tracks--
Steve: Can I just, uhh- make a request though? I'd quite like - if you- if you've got time - to bring back, um - just for one week only - "White Van Karl".
Ricky: Sure.
Steve: Because there's some quite interesting topics this week.
Ricky: Oh, is there things happening in the world?
Steve: There's things happening.
Ricky: Cuz Karl doesn't think there is.
Steve: (Laughing Slightly) No.
Ricky: "There is a Light That Never Goes Out"
Song: The Smiths - There is a Light That Never Goes Out