28 May 2005
28 May 2005 (Xfm: Ricky & Stephen 2005, Episode I)
The show returns, Ricky and Stephen are standing in for Adam and Joe. They comment about how nothing has changed, except that the listenership has gone down possibly because each year a few old XFM listeners die, of smack addictions or gout.
One year later, Ricky is still affected by Dr Foxe's comment that "you're [Ricky] not very good."
Karl doesn't want to go to the doctors because "they can always find something." He fears the "finger up the arse thing." He refuses to go because he doesn't want to know what they would find in his rectum, and he is mainly worried about his heart.
Karl Don't mess with them...[Ricky: What do you mean?] you can do more damage messin' about with them, just leave 'em - and there's two anyway, you can afford to lose one.
Ricky believes Karl is going to die of cancer, and impersonates him: "I don't check me balls... i dont like the feel".
Karl believes that if the doctor doing the prostate check was somebody he knew, it would be just as bad.
Stephen tries to make the listeners more acquainted with Karl through the website http://www.freewebs.com/the_k_man. Karl doesn't know the difference between a hyphen (-) and an underscore (_), simply describing as "a line and that" and advises the listeners to "try both."
Stephen decides to ask Karl questions taken from The Guardian's Q&A.
SM: What is your idea of perfect happiness?
KP: Er... What, for me or... ?
SM: Already he's...
Ricky: No, Ronny Corbbett
KP: No no, but, but what do you mean like, what would make me happy, or for everyone to be happy?
RG: No, what would make you happy? Maybe that's the answer, maybe your idea of happiness is everyone being happy, i dont know, what would make you totally, blissfully...
SM: Unlikely Rick, i imagine it's a 24 hour monkey channel on Sky
RG: (laughter) yeah yeah, okay go on, a neverending popsicle, go on
KP: Yeah, i don't think i've had it yet where i'm really, really happy
RG: Karl, i've never seen you really happy, no
KP: No, but...
SM: When have you been at your happiest?
KP: Probably, I like, sort of fish fingers, potato cakes and beans for tea
SM: Second question, what is your greatest fear, Karl?
KP: Going to the doctors
RG: So presumably, ill health and mortality
KP: Eh...
SM: No, just the doctors
RG: Any particular doctor?
KP: I don't want to live forever either, i just want to do my innins? I just wanna get to 83, 84
SM: Which living person do you most admire?
KP: Eh...
SM: Which person thorughout any time in history do you most admire?
KP: Winston Churchill's pretty good
RG: Yeah, very good
KP: He was alright
SM: Why?
KP: Cause if it weren't for him, we'd be talking German, and i'm not that good at that
SM: Do you believe in capital punishment?
KP: Er...
RG: That's not in hitting Dr Fox over the head with a stick
KP: Depends, depends what its for
RG: Go on
KP: For something bad
RG: Well i assume it would be, they don't kill people now for parking illegally
KP: But what sort of thing are you talking about, what sort of punishment
SM: Capital punishment
KP: Yeah, i know, but what is that, what are you talking about
RG: Well... guillotine, hanging
KP: Er... hangings a bit bad
RG: Yeah can be fatal, can't it? What do you mean hanging's a bit bad? It's all bad! Why should the state kill someone?
KP: Because prison's getting a bit busy, aren't they?
RG: Brilliant
KP: What's the point in keeping people around?
RG: What's the point of killing them?
KP: Because its like 'that's done, what's next?' What can you do with someone if they're mental?
SM: Employ them on a radio show!