Adolf Hitler

According to Karl Pilkington ...

Adolf Hitler was born in Austria. As a young lad, his mum was his dad's second cousin, which is a bit weird. There was five kids, but only two of them, including him and his sister survived, the others died at an early age. They grew up, the mum died and the dad died, and he thought "O, what am I gonna do?", because he didn't do well at school, didn't have many qualifications, liked art, so he said "Right, I'm gonna go to Munich." Also, Jewish people were in Austria, he didn't really like them. He thought they got special treatment and stuff, and just didn't like them. So he went to Munich, and he joined the Army. He was in the Army and he got injured, so he went to hospital. Whilst he was in hospital, World War I ended. He gets a bit better, he's never that fit, though, he is one of those blokes who is always ill. He was on thirty tablets a day, or something. He comes out of there, joined some other Army.

--insert Hitler's rise to power here--

He is in charge, and this is when he gets his own back on the Jewish people, he has got his own little armies and he is setting fires to jewish businesses. So he goes on, he's in Berlin, he is fighting his way through trying to take other countries. To cut a long story short: When he came to fighting Britain, he came a bit unstuck. Britain was there, France was helping out, Americans were helping out. So he goes into a bunker in Berlin, and it's all kicking off, and apparently Germany sort of surrenders, so it's all over: "forget it, we can't beat you." He was really annoyed with this, he thought "I can't show my face around here." He is with his Missus, who nobody knew was his wife, Eva, in this bunker, and he says "I've had enough of this." He shoots himself, she poisons herself, and the chauffeur buries them or burns them. In all the time he was in charge, 50 million people died.

Mentions on the Show

• 16 March 2002 - As part of Educating Karl, the bald-headed manc twat retells the rise and fall of this former German leader (well, sort of).

Quotes (of some sort)

War to men is like child birth to women - It's like, you fight for nine months, and at the end of it, you own something.