Karl's Poems

Karl's Poems were first introduced in the third series of podcasts. They were discovered when Steve was reading Karl's Diary. Although Ricky and Steve had low expectations, they were both mildly impressed by them. Later, more poems appeared in Happyslapped by a Jellyfish.

Episode 1

First

If moths have eyes, would they be happier?

How do they know they're not dead?

Cavemen hunting for food,

But not before they style the hair on their head

What would last longer in dinosaur times?

A blind man didn't stand a chance. Not with all them rocks about

I'd rather be a blind moth

Episode 2

Second

Bubbled wallpaper. What a mess

Washer dryer knackered. What a mess

Siamese twins seperated. One leg less

Episode 3

Third

I don't like jellyfish, they’re not a fish, they're just a blob

They don’t have eyes, fins or scales like a cod

They float about blind, stinging people in the seas

And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas

Get rid of them

Fourth

It would be spiteful

To put jellyfish in a trifle

Fifth

For god sake, me belly ache

The doctor said it’s me kidney

He said he’s got to stick a tube up me knob

I said you got to be kidding me

For god sake, knob ache.

Episode 6

My Ward

Me, a chinese fella and an old bloke,

Who looked like Mr Burns from 'The Simpsons',

Don't know what was wrong with him,

But breaking wind was the symptoms.

No one visited him or called him.

He seemed quite lost to me.

As well as wind problems,

He had a colostomy.

When I left,

I said "see ya" to the old man.

Turned out the other fella wasn't chinese,

He was from Japan.

I never found out what was up with him.

Happyslapped By A Jellyfish

Bank Holiday Monday

Bank Holiday mundane

No shops open

Plenty of rain

Suzanne's Mam and Dad's Pub

Lots of smoke and strange folk

Regular laughing at his own jokes

Dog on a rope

Fruit machine broke

Old man in a corner who never spoke

Sheep Off A Cliff

Thousands of sheep fed up,

So they jumped off cliff into bay.

They shouldn't survive,

But it just goes to show,

Where there's wool there's a way