22 December 2001/Transcript

This is a transcript of the 22 December 2001 episode, from Xfm Series 1

Flip The Bird

Joins Previous show with Steve and Ricky mid-conversation with presenter Dermot O'Leary and his Co-Presenter...

Ricky: We don’t know…

Steve: Yeah, The problem with me is it’s like when you multiply anything with naught.

Co-Presenter and Ricky Laugh

Co-Presenter: To the power of as well…

Steve: Nothing ever happens.

Co-Presenter: Yeah, okay shame.

Ricky: And I’m a fat little ugly fella like that Reg Varney.

Dermot: Were there loads of people there that you don’t like and you could go up to afterwards and almost like metaphorically flip the bird?

Ricky: What’s that mean?

Dermot: Last week…you know “Flip the Bird”.

Ricky: You dirty…No.

Dermot: Middle finger.

Ricky: And you see I’m married, Steve’s single and he doesn’t…

Dermot: No what are you talking about…and there’s lots of people there…

Ricky: I thought it was a euphemism…sorry.

Dermot: …Who you haven’t got on with in the past, and then they’re all being really nice to you…

Steve: We got on with everyone don’t we?

Ricky: What does “Flip the bird” mean?

Dermot: Flip the bird means……you’ve got that hipster thing.

Steve: The finger, it means giving the finger.

Ricky: Yeah but I thought there was a dirty metaphor.

Dermot: No!

Steve: You’re always thinking this!

Dermot: Don’t bring me down to your level till at least 5 minutes…Coming up after the break we’ve got Steve and Ricky and the lovely Claire will be driving their desk. Alright Claire?

Claire: Hello!

Dermot: Don’t bend over like that Claire.

Claire: Sorry!

Dermot: Put a longer top on or something. You alright boys, you your very studious there.

Steve: We are, we’re working hard on the show.

Ricky: Just working out what we’re gonna play Dermot and what order!

Dermot Laughs

Ricky: Ummm

Dermot: I love the way you even live the pretence.

Co-Presenter: What about some Foo Fighters mixed with The Strokes, Ricky?

Ricky: I wouldn’t mind a bit of The Strokes or New Order, what shall we kick in with?

Steve: Err undecided yet Rick probably got some ads to err to help us decide.

Dermot: That dilemma.

Steve: Some advertising.

Dermot: That dilemma will be revealed in just under four minutes, stick around for it.

Steve: Merry Christmas Dermot.

Clean For Christmas

Song:New Order - Crystal

Ricky: New Order and Crystal on XFM 104.9 now this is the Ricky Gervais Show obviously.

Steve: With Steve Merchant right.

Ricky: Yeah yeah yeah yeah…

Steve: Well they like to know if I’m here.

Ricky: Take it as red, they don’t like to know.

Steve: The fans do.

Ricky: Yeah, um now that was one of my favourite singles of the year.

Steve: Yeah, it’s a good song.

Ricky: And that’s what we’re going to be doing in this program.

Steve: We are going to be playing some of our favourite songs of the year that’s absolutely true.

Ricky: We’ll also be playing some songs that maybe we don’t like.

Steve: Exactly.

Ricky: Just for the hell of it.

Steve: Yeah ‘cause we’re crazy guys!

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: We never know what’s going to happen next.

Ricky: No, we don’t.

Steve: Err, guess who’s pressing the buttons.

Ricky: We genuinely don’t!

Steve: Well you know who’s pressing the buttons, you can see her but the audience can’t.

Ricky: That’s why we don’t know what’s going to happen next.

Claire Laughs

Steve: It’s Sturgess.

Ricky: We’ve got Sturgess in.

Steve: Claire Sturgess, XFM’s Claire Sturgess.

Ricky: Yep, yep.

Steve: She’s stayed off it for just a day.

Claire: Yeah…

Ricky: She’s not no no she’s just…

Steve: She’s clean for a day.

Ricky: Are you on methadone or, what you on?

Claire: No, no I’m clean now!

Ricky: You’re actually clean are you? Well done.

Claire: Yeah absolutely.

Steve: Yeah well done, congratulations yeah!

Ricky and Steve Clap

Claire: Thanks

Ricky: That’s great yeah.

Steve: You’re Clean for Christmas! That’s beautiful.

Ricky: You’re still thieving though aren’t you!

Claire Laughs

Steve: Still the thieving, you just can’t lose the thieving.

Ricky: Just out of habit and it…But at least the money now goes on you know like 40 Benson as opposed a little £5 starter pack…of Skag.

Steve: It’s lovely, yeah. Aw it’s sweet! It’s nice to see a little a little miracle for Christmas, Rick. Its beautiful.

Ricky: Yeah, yeah it’s lovely yeah!

Steve: Yeah I’m already in the Christmas mood. Are you in the Christmas mood?

Ricky: I don’t…the thing is though what she’s still got left over from it and these are the scars and the reminders of your smackhead thieving days.

Steve and Claire Laugh

Ricky: Oh, those little homemade tattoos on her face.

Steve: Exactly, exactly.

Ricky: That she did with a pin!

Steve: Yeah, she looks like Seal.

Ricky: Yeah and some Quink.

Steve: Exactly ha-ha.

Ricky: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Steve: Ah but no, Merry Christmas to you Claire.

Ricky: Yeah, Merry Christmas.

Claire: Thank you, Merry Christmas to you.

Steve: You still living in the Projects?

Claire: Yeah.

Ricky: It is, it is one of those little miracles…

Steve: She’s still keeping it real, it’s wonderful.

Ricky: Like that little Tiny Tim.

Steve: I tell you what; she’s a bit like Jesus Christ.

Ricky: In a way yeah, yeah

Steve: In a way.

Ricky: That’s blasphemous, please play a record Claire.

Steve Laughs