21 September 2002/Transcript

This is a transcription of the 21 September 2002 episode, from Xfm Series 2

Inarticulate Brain-Damaged Old Drunk

Ricky: Feeder, “Come Back Around” on XFM, 104.9. You’re listening to Ricky Gervais.

Steve: Yeah. I’m with him as well, Steve Merchant.

Ricky: Thinking of dropping that.

Steve: What?

Ricky: Thinking of dropping that. Just going- cause it’s just too- it's all that, “I’m Ricky Gervais, with me, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington.” Too--

Ricky snaps fingers

Ricky: You know what I mean, get to the music. “Hi, I’m Ricky Gervais. This is XFM!”

Steve: Sure.

Ricky: “Here’s Radiohead!”

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Something like- coming out of, “That was Radiohead. XFM. I’m Ricky Gervais. Tony Blair, what’s he all about?”

Steve: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ricky: That sort of--

Steve: Snappier.

Ricky: I want it fast. Cause I quite- on a serious note and you’ve always been saying it, um, I listened to an old show cause when Karl was compiling those things, I listened to an old show. And I listened to me and I’m-I’m really concentrating now because I sounded like the most inarticulate, brain damaged old drunk--

Steve chuckles

Ricky: I’ve ever heard giving a show.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: I mean, I was shocked. Not finishing sentences, leaving out words, slurring, just doing noises that you understand cause you know me.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: So I’m really going to make an effort for the listener.

Steve: Yeah. It’s not going to happen, is it? You’re going to give up after about three records.

Ricky: But I thought you were joking. And I thought it was like, “Oh, he’s taking the”- there. Did it then, you see?

Steve: Again. I don’t know quite what that sentence meant.

Ricky: No, but--

Steve: Of course, I’ve got also your body language and your facial gestures, but obviously the listeners have got nothing. They’ve just got the voice.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: They’ve just got the voice, Rick. That’s all they’ve got. That’s all they can rely on.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: And, uh, and when Karl Pilkington is the man holding the show together, that’s quite damning.

Ricky: When he’s the most articulate.

Steve: Exactly. Exactly.

Karl: How did I come across?

Ricky: You came across as lovely. I mean, I-I did an interview yesterday, alright, and I was trying to describe you to this journalist and I was going, “It’s like a cat can talk”.

Steve: Mmm.

Ricky: Cause the things you say, I just want to know what your world is. You know when a cat comes in, you go, “Where have you been?” and it looks at you like, you know, it can nearly understand you. And you went, “Oh, wonderful. I’d love to know what that cat thinks” and with you, it’s almost like we’ve got one.

Steve: Yeah. Yeah.

Ricky: Did you like that?

Steve: You can also lick your own testicles, I think, can’t you?

Ricky giggles

Steve: So, you know.

Ricky: Should we play the Doves?

Song: Doves- Caught by the River