31 May 1998/Transcript
This is a transcription of the 31 May 1998 episode, from Xfm Series 0
It's Ten Past Four
Ricky: Jesus and Mary Chain, The Black. On Xfm 104.9. It's 10 past 4...After the break, Oasis.
ADDS PLAYED
Singing The Praises Of Penk
Ricky: Oasis, Married With Children.
Steve: (sounding bored) Yeah.
Ricky: Xfm, 104.9
Steve: Of course.
Ricky: It's the Ricky Gervais Show. Who am I Steve?
Steve: Gervais. You are Gervais.
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: You are Ricky Gervais.
Ricky: (In a squeeky voice)Lucky You. Yes, it's me, Ricky Gervais.
Steve: Gervais, weren't you out s-signing autographs in the week?
Ricky: Yeah
Steve: Is this true?
Ricky: Yeah
Steve: Is this true what I've heard?
Ricky: A couple, yeah.
Steve: What's the story? Tell me.
Ricky: Well, we did this road show from uh, the Doc Martins store..
Steve: Road show?
Ricky: (laughing) w-yeah. yeah
Steve: (laughing) Was it that impressive?
Ricky: Yes, it was me Crowley and Pitts with like a CD player.
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: ...and some boots.
Steve Laughs
Ricky: Surrounding us...no, it was good fun.
Steve: And uh, You played some records...
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: And people were coming up, were they? and asking for your-;
Ricky: Yeah
Steve: asking for your autograph?
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: Incredible.
Ricky: (In one of his voices) Well, you know. uhhh. I'm a bit of a celebrity, Steve I'll be honest.
Steve Chuckles
Steve: If you were really rich,
Ricky: Yeah
Steve: uhh.. what would you spend your money on?
Ricky: ...You know what I'd spend my money on.
Steve: Yeah?
Ricky: Just more foood and drink then I do now.
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: ...maybe a few extras holidays.
Steve: How many people- how many people asked for autographs?
Ricky: Oh, I dunno'....thir-;
Steve: 30, 40?
Ricky: Yeah
Steve: What about Crowley? Did a- did anyone ask uh, Crowley for an autograph?
Ricky: No. They kept as-asking him if they got this in a size seven
Steve Laughs
Ricky: He's getting really. honestly (giggling)
Steve: He does look a bit like a sort of spotty shop assistant
Ricky: (Laughing) yeah, yeah.
Steve: That you'd find, you know. um 'I'll just go and check with with Moreen
Ricky Laughs
Steve: 'um. meantime, here's Idle Wild
Ricky: I've got a joke.
Steve: Have You?
Ricky: Yeah
Steve: Brilliant.
Ricky: We, We'e allowed to tell one joke, are't we, a show?
Steve: One Joke. Cuz I don't want like, you know, Steve Penk or you know
Ricky: No, no it's terrible. No, nothing wrong with Steve Penk.
Steve: I love Penk.
Ricky: Penk's good.
Steve: I'm a big fan of Penk.
Ricky: No, he's great
Steve: Don't get me started on Penk. If I start singing the praises of Penk, we'll (Ricky joins in) be here all night.
Ricky: I know.
Steve: But the point is, you know. You've got your gag. Let's hear it.
Ricky: Right. A little boy, yeah. He's only five years old. He's lost, in a busy highstreet. And he's crying his eyes out. Well he would, he's los his mummy.
Steve Grunts
Ricky: And he's going 'I've lost my fuckin' -;' and the policeman comes up, and uh, goes 'Alright, what's the matter?' and he goes 'I've lost my mummy' Policeman says 'Alright, don't worry, we'll find her. What's she like?' Little kid said 'cock and bingo mainly.'
RECORD PLAYED. INSTANT REPEATER 99 by Soundtrack of Our Lives
Why Should I Stay?
Ricky: Instant Repeater 99, Soundtrack of our Lives on Xfm 104.9.
Steve: Gervais, can I just give the listeners one very good reason why they should stay tuned. There are prizes up for grabs very soon, another one of your fantastic movie quizes.
Ricky: Excellent.
Steve: Is on the way Gervais.
Ricky: and give me one reason why I should stay though.
Steve: he-; uhhh
Ricky: After the break, Blur.
ADS ARE PLAYED. INCLUDING 2 FAKE ADVERTS , 1 BEING FOR BLOOD, SWEAT AND CUM BY BRAINMANGLE AND THE OTHER FOR FUCK LIKE A RHINO BY VELVET NAZI 666 UK. (BOTH SUNG BY RICKY)
WE HEAR THE START OF TRACY JACKS BY BLUR PLAYING
Is Ricky Gervais A Very Good DJ?
After The Advert There'll Be Another Break
END OF JUMP AROUND BY HOUSE OF PAIN PLAYING
Ricky: I'm not gonna like to ya, That was house of pain and jump around
Steve interupts
Steve: Don't lie to me.
Ricky: No.
Steve: Don't ever lie to me Gervais
Ricky: No. That is. House of Pain Jump Around . We were jumping around
Steve: of course.
Ricky: We got no shame
Steve: no
Ricky: Xfm 1 oh 4 point 9. It's 20 to 5...
Steve: Yeah
Ricky: I'll be honest. After the ad break there'll be another record.
JUMP AROUND BY HOUSE OF PAIN FINALLY FADES OUT COMPLETELY.
Steve: Is there gonna be another a-;
Ricky: Deffintely
Steve: There's gonna be an add break..
Ricky: Yeah
Steve: You're not lying to me?
Ricky: No.
Steve: Really? ah!
ADVERTS ARE PLAYED WHICH INCLUDES THE FAKE ADVERT FOR MUFF SHANDY'S BRAND NEW SINGLE EARPLUGS ARE GAY
D'you Know Terry Wise?
Super Slick On The Mic
Were You Crawling?
Steve Made Me Do It
You Know She Had Two Nos
Xfm Ginger Helpline
Ricky Lists What is Coming
The end of Baby Bird's Bad Old Man is playing
Ricky: Baby Bird. Bad Ol' Man.
Steve: Yeah.
Ricky: XFM 104.9
Steve: Yeah
Ricky: Nearly half five. Ad break, Scope, Song For Body,
Ricky corrects himself
Ricky: -;Bobby, competition, film quiz, ummmm
Steve: Sheddies
Ricky: Shed Seven Album, um Midget um album, um Xfm album with
Ricky mumbles something incoprehensible
Bad Old Man by Baby Bird finally fades out completely.
Ricky: -;Am I making sense?
Steve: No.
Steve (probably) bangs on desk
Steve: Play a record.
Skips to end of Song For Bobby by Scope