10 May 2003/Transcript
This is a transcription of the 10 May 2003 episode, from Xfm Series 2
We Didn't Get a Sausage
Song: Badly Drawn Boy - All Possibilities
Ricky: Ha ha, Badly Drawn Boy on XFM 104.9. I'm Ricky Gervais, with me Steve Merchant and Karl Pilkington. I'll tell you what, the Sony's then-
Steve: Uh-ho-ho
Ricky: this Thursday, this Thursday at the Grosvenor House Hotel.
Steve: Yeah
Ricky: Everyone in radio who's anyone has uh, entered their show in different categories saying oh you know they get it down to you know...
Steve: Winners this year included the brilliant Dominic Mohan, former Showbiz editor of The Sun.
Ricky: Lots of people won, lots of people won, lots of people won gold, lots of people won silver, lots of people won bronze. We didn't get a sausage.
Steve: Nothing.
Ricky: This show was deemed
Pause
Ricky: not-not worthy of anything. I mean, not-not a look in. The panel looked at it and said well, no definitely not.
Steve: This is not radio.
Ricky: Didn't get a vote. See, that annoys me on so many levels. Let me-let me tell you: 1. Right, I've never complained about losing an award, okay, ever! Mainly in tv, I know we've won a lot but we've been beaten a couple of-beaten by Peter Kay, good luck to him, he's brilliant. Am, beaten by Phoenix Nights, the sitcom, a lot of people like that more than the office and vice versa. Right, n-no qualms, but the shoddy shite that I heard that night beating us...I was furious, Idon't understand-there's, there's people-regional-it sounds like hospital radio, right-they've-I mean I shouldn't even be on XFM, I thought eh-eh, you know, it-it, it's beneath me.
Steve: Yeah, yeah.
Ricky: And I thought 'Well, give em a hand, right, let's show em'. And I wanna know who the panel was aswell. I, I do not believe it! How can they d-? Erm, I was looking back over some of the shows, right *mumble* Karl, and I've just done a little excerpt of a-you know-a trailer of what we, what we do, what we're about, and I don't know how the panel could overlook..play a bit Karl, please.
Karl plays trailer
Ricky: ...shaking her muff, minge and tits around does not make her a ho then what does?
Karl: ...these kids at school with big heads...
Steve: Karl what are you talking about?
Ricky: Shut-Hello my name is Ho Lee Fuk.
Karl: Right there's this monkey that was on a train station.
Ricky: Right
Steve: What if, what if you mean cock to mean penis?
Ricky bursts into laughter
Karl: But it was me Down Syndrome son...
Ricky: Ooh chimpanzee that, monkey news!
Steve chuckles
Karl: So we've still got monkey news coming up.
Steve sniggers
Ricky: Your're an idiot!
Steve: That's, to me, quality broadcasting.
Ricky: I don't know how they can say that isn't worthy...
Steve: That's what we sent in-
Ricky sniggers
Steve: -to the Sony people, they listened to that, how they didn't think that was dynamite stuff...it doesn't make sense. D'you know, I've been thinking about this since Thursday because I've been a little bit down in the dumps-
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: -what I think it is is that with the tv show, the tv stuff we've done Rick, we put a lot of work into that.
Ricky: Yeah.
Steve: We get the script, we got the script. We spend a lot of time on it. What this show is about, it's very much about spontanaeity, it's about our personalities and I don't think we're ever gonna win an award for our personalities.
Ricky sniggers
Steve: I think that's where we're going wrong.
Ricky: D'you know what I think? I think that when we're together, we're the auteurs of The Office and , y'know, and ah, we're strong on it, and we're just two-, we write it, we direct it...You know, we cast it, we-we even worry about the font and stuff on the- you know we do everything
Steve: mm, mm.
Ricky: There's a weak link in our midst, I think...
Steve: Wha, on the radio show?
Ricky: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah-
Steve: Right well I'm just trying to think what the common factor is because on the award-winning tv show...
Ricky: well it-
Steve: ...it's just you and I...
Ricky: Yeah I dunno-
Ricky: Well I'll tell you what can we play a record and...let me think about this cos there must be somethi-there must be something...
Steve: There's gotta be a factor.
Ricky: that isn't in The Office that's in this that means that The Office is award-winning, and this is a pile of shite.
Song: The Rolling Stones - Brown Sugar