17 May 2003/Transcript

This is a transcription of the 17 May 2003 episode, from Xfm Series 2

Bit of a Blow at the Sonys

Ricky: Blur and “Out of Time.” They’re joking. There’s two hours to go.

Steve laughs

Ricky: On Xfm 104.9. I’m Ricky Gervais. With me, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington. A new leaf. Um, bit of a blow at the, uh, Sonys. Um, not like that. I mean, you know, we were taken aback.

Steve: Speak for yourself!

Ricky: Ha, yeah. Um, and, uh, we've got guests. Jonathan Ross won and he has guests, so we’re gonna have guests in, uh, one of which is, uh, sort of a tie-in. He's going to explain himself. It’s, uh, Dr. Fox, Dr. Neil Fox. Popped in for a chat. It’s a pre-record. We’ve got that. Although, live in the second hour we’re going to have a chat to the girls from t.A.T.u who are upstairs at the moment at Capital and they’re going to, they’re going to pop down and have a little chat with us. So we’re really trying to, you know, make this more of an interactive show. Um, uh, we don’t know yet whether we’re going to give up, uh, or not. It depends how this show goes. Um, yeah. Look forward to that, but we’ve got some great- we went down to the big library so we don’t have to rely on 4 Non Blondes and the, uh, you know, two Jam tracks that are up-up here. We went down to the big library and, uh, we’ve got some great tracks, Steve, haven’t we?

Steve: Lots--

Ricky: We’ve got some classics. Should we play one now?

Steve: Well, before that I just remembered that some of the criticism we received, uh, I think, was that we’re perhaps not taking into consideration the listeners. A lot of shows, a lot of radio shows, they cater very much to the community, to the area which they’re broadcasting.

Ricky: Hmm.

Steve: They interact with the, uh, with the listenership--

Ricky: Where’s the fun in that?

Steve: I agree--

Ricky: --want from me, really?

Steve: Um, I-I-I would just like to justify why we don’t tend to, um, correspond or interact with the listeners. Here’s a typical e-mail from Vicki, aged twenty-five. She asks, “Do you ski?”

Ricky stifles a laugh

Steve: Rick, that’s her question.

Ricky: No, I don’t--

Steve: Do you ski? Yes or no.

Ricky: No, I don’t.

Steve: No, you don’t. Right, there you are. Thanks, Vick!

Ricky laughs

Steve: Brilliant! Keep those coming in!

Ricky: See? He’s- now he’s turned ‘em against us, Karl! What do you think, Karl? What do you think of Steve’s attitude there?

Karl: It’s alright.

Ricky laughs

Steve: More insight like that coming later.

Song: Black Grape- Kelly’s Heroes

Do You Still Do Prescriptions?

Ricky: Black Grape, “Kelly’s Heroes” on Xfm 104.9. I’m Ricky Gervais. With me, Steve Merchant and Karl Pilkington. Okay? Proper, proper radio. As you know, we’re a bit gutted that we won nothing at the Sony Awards. We found out that, uh, on the panel was Dr. Fox. Probably one of the-the greatest, um, DJs in the world.

Steve: One of the great living broadcasters.

Ricky: I-I… I certainly think that he’s up there.

Steve: Yep.

Ricky: Um, with, uh, w-with Tarrant, Jono Coleman. Um, and so--

Steve: And Chris Moyles.

Ricky: We have- great Chris Moyles. We asked him to- he’s also on the, uh, Pop, you know, Pop Idol panel, so he-he can make and break people, so. We asked him basically to explain himself. Why did we win nothing? Why were we so bad? This is what he had to say.

Dr. Neil Fox: The award, guys, was called “The Entertainment Award.” Right? Now in itself, I think that should probably tell you something about what should be on the tape. There should be some entertainment. And, uh, it just wasn’t very entertaining, actually. I don’t mean- that sounds quite horrible, sitting here in front of you now, but it-it just wasn’t very entertaining.

Steve: But fundamentally what-what elements did you not find entertaining?

Dr. Neil Fox: Uh, the fact that it didn’t seem to entertain me at all.

Steve: Uh-huh.

Dr. Neil Fox: Was part of it. I mean, it’s-it’s a bit of, like, how long is a piece of string, isn’t it? What is entertaining?

Ricky: But we have talked about string on the show before, though.

Dr. Neil Fox: Uh, then there were loads of people I’ve never heard of in my life and some of those were perhaps a bit more entertaining than you. The people that got silver, I think they were called Joe and Twiggy. They worked for a station in the Midlands. Uh, I think Trent FM. They were actually pretty funny.

Ricky: Funnier than our stuff?

Dr. Neil Fox: Yeah, what- yeah, they were, actually. Yeah, they were funny and they seemed to say, seemed to, sort of, understand their loc- seemed to understand their market a bit more.

Steve: Yeah.

Dr. Neil Fox: Then I got on to yours. I’m thinking, “Oh, great! Ricky Gervais, yeah. He‘s really funny in that program, isn‘t he? I must watch that. I’m gonna absolutely die laughing here.” And, uh- oh, God, it was painful.

Steve: How would you'd improved it, just listening?

Dr. Fox sighs

Dr. Neil Fox: Bit of humour.

Steve: Right.

Dr. Neil Fox: Be quite good. Bit of humour, essential, I would think, to an entertainment show. Um, a bit of prep, you know--

Steve: Right.

Dr. Neil Fox: A bit- get in there early and actually think about what it’s going to do, perhaps.

Steve: Well, right, okay.

Ricky: Um, well, thank you, Dr. Fox for your honesty. We got to the bot- whi-while you’re here, can I just show you this?

Sound of pants unzipping

Ricky: That lump. Do you still do prescriptions? Well.

Steve: Dr. Fox there.

Ricky: He was, you know.

Steve: He was honest. He was blunt.

Ricky: He was blunt. I know he- I know that--

Steve: I'd like a second opinion! I’m only joking. He’s not actually a doctor.

Ricky laughs

Steve: Well, he used to be called Dr. Fox and now he just calls himself Neil Fox. I think he’s been struck off.

Ricky: No, he’s Neil Fox, M.D.

Steve: (chuckling) Right!

Ricky: He’s just- yeah.

Steve: I wondered if there was some malpractice that- something happened.

Ricky: They- I mean, we can’t--

Steve: Someone was under and he, sort of, you know, went a little bit crazy.

Ricky laughs

Ricky: Let’s leave it there!

Steve: (laughing) Yeah.

Ricky: Because Froggy will not take that lightly.

Steve: Who?

Ricky: Froggy.

Steve: What do you mean, “Froggy?”

Ricky: He’s Dr. Frog now. He’s changed it. He didn’t like Fox.

Steve: Oh, right.

Ricky: He hated Fox.

Steve: But, uh, are we going to heed his-his criticism? Because it was about there was no preparation--

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: We weren’t funny; fair enough.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: Um, there was just really no content.

Ricky: We didn’t care about our--

Steve: Didn’t care about the show.

Ricky: The demographic we’re meant to be aiming at.

Steve: Um--

Ricky: Um.

Steve: Just sounds like a lot of work, all that.

Ricky: Uh…well, I-I think what we can do is we-we can take all on board and immediately forget it and carry on.

Steve: Brilliant!

Ricky: Cause it’s easier. What about that?

Steve: Brilliant.

Ricky: I tell ya what we could do, though. Play some bloody great tunes.

Steve: Well, thanks very much.

Song: Athlete- You’ve Got the Style