26 April 2003/Transcript

This is a transcription of the 26 April 2003 episode, from Xfm Series 2

How Old're You?

Song: Blur - Out Of Time

Ricky: Blur, 'Out Of Time' on XFM 104.9. Ricky Gervais. With me Steve Merchent, Karl Pilkington.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Steve's a bit quiet, he's got a bit of a sore throat.

Steve: Oh, a bit of a sore throat? Murder, all week, it's been murder Rick.

Ricky: It's...we couldn't work all this week, um..

Steve: I've been off sick.

Ricky: Steve's been in Brist...Karl. You're not impressed.

Karl: It's just, I d...I don't understand why having a sore throat, sort of...

Ricky: Oooooh. Oh he's done you.

Steve: Right. What if the sore throat was so painful it was like you've got broken glass and razor blades in your throat? You can hear now I'm not even speaking from down in my throat, I'm speaking from the top of it like that so it sounds a bit weird.

Karl: But you're right.

Steve: What?

Karl: Your hands are alright aren't they?

Steve: Yeah but we talk when we're writing don't we and I can barely talk. It was in mur..I was in agony, I couldn't sleep because it was so painful even when I was just lying there, motionless, it was hurting.

Karl: I, I just was surprised ‘cos I got back off holiday and er, called Ricky and said “Alright? Is Steve alright?” and her said er, oh he’s had to go back home or something and he’s stayed ‘cos he, he’s got a sore throat.

Steve: Yeah.

Karl: I didn’t understand why you can’t just, like, go home, I mean y…, how old are you?

Ricky giggles nervously

Steve: What?

Karl: I don’t understand why you gotta’ be at your Mam and Dads when you should be ill?

Ricky: 29.

Steve: I happened to be at me Mam and Dads, ma Mam and Dads, now I’m talking like you, when, when this, this sore throat really kicked in.

Karl: Mm.

Steve: So I thought I’ll stay and get a bit of the creature comforts’ of home.

Karl: D’you know what I pictured though when, when he told me?

Steve: You see my parents aren’t like yours Karl. Your, your father would have popped down to the phone box and maybe looked to see if there was any kind of throat lozenges.

Ricky: Strepsils.

Steve: Yeah, where as my Mum phones up the doctor first thing she can, I’m straight down there with my Dad. They’re snapping into action, they’re trying to sort me out.

Karl: Mm. Bit like that Robbie Corbett thing in’it?

Ricky giggles

Steve: What?

Ricky: “Sorry”!

Karl: That “Sorry”.

Ricky starts laughing and clapping

Steve: You’re right Karl, yes your absolutely right, it is just like that.

Ricky: Ohh dear.

Karl: Nah, it’s just ‘cos…

Steve: You just went on holiday with your parents!

Karl: But not wi…, not with mine.

Steve: No, right.

Karl: Suzanne’s and it won’t be happening again! So, that’s that sorted.

Ricky: Well, well we, we’ll have more of that a little bit later.

Karl: Pain in the arse.

Ricky: Well luckily we’ve…, we came in a few times didn’t we? We, we’ve been here since about half eleven haven’t we?

Karl: Yeah. Sorting stuff out.

Ricky: Doin’ a show.

Steve: What, and have you been squeezing his head or…?

Ricky: Er, no that’s strictly between the hours of 1 and 3, we established that and I’ve kept to the rules haven’t I? I did practice the grip in the week didn’t I?

Karl: Yeah, just to see what method he was gonna’ use today.

Ricky: Yeah. Um, I came in, I, I did my back on Tuesday, I was sparring and I pulled my back and I was in agony and I had to get an emergency um, chiropractor out and sort it out and I c…couldn’t, I was on painkillers and I couldn’t walk the next day but I still came in and did a voice-over that was booked for 4.30, didn’t I? I got Johnny to walk me in ‘cos I couldn’t site down so I couldn’t take a cab but I could be upright and had to walk r…, he, got him to walk me in ‘cos I was scared someone was going to bump into me, and I did the voice over. That’s dedication in’nit?

Karl: Yeah, but…right. I got back off holiday on the er, Tuesday right, um, first day back was going to be on the Wednesday right? So I thought I’ll take it easy ‘cos you do that don’t you when you been on holiday.

Steve: Hmm.

Karl: The first day you just wanna sort of…

Ricky clicks his fingers

Ricky: Not me, I’m straight back into it.

Steve: Well, same here.

Karl: But, but it’s nice to, d’you know what I mean? Er, just sort of look at your e-mails, go through all them, work out what people need, for stuff.

Steve: Doss around, doss around, yeah sure.

Karl: Erm, so I thought I’ll take it easy, soon as I got in I was told that Ricky had been booked in to do a voice-over and I thought “Awww. Can’t handle that.” You know what I mean, on the first day, him coming in annoying me probably trying to get a weeks worth of head squeezing in.

Ricky muffles laughter

Karl: So I thought aw, so I called him up and he said “Oh I might not come in as I’ve got a bad back,” so I thought that’s alright, right? Er, then you just turned up didn’t you, said “Oh, managed to get a cab” er…

Ricky: Yeah Johnny walked me in, it’s sort…yeah…

Karl: He did, he did the stuff which, I haven’t got it here at the moment but I’ll, I’ll find it on the system and I’ll play you what he did.

Ricky sniggers

Karl: That he’s been paid to do.

Ricky: It’s alright! See you…

Karl: Well, well it’s not alright, I had to pretend it was alright when I had to play it to all my bosses to try and persua…

Ricky sniggers again

Ricky: Well it’s, well look that’s play that a little bit later but now, as we’re all back together Steve would you say the boys are back in town?

Steve: Yep. Brilliant.

Song: Thin Lizzy – The Boys Are Back In Town

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