The Ricky Gervais Guide To... Law and Order

The Ricky Gervais Guide To... Series Two Episode List

Episodes: Guide to... Society Guide to... Law and Order Guide to... The Future Guide to... The Human Body Guide to... The Earth

The Ricky Gervais Guide To ...Law and Order is the second audiobook in the second season of the Guide To... series.

Track Listing

The Show's Album Art

1. Introductions (0:00)

Ricky introduces the subject of Law and Order and the various arguments it inspires before introducing Steve Merchant - Award Winning Writer and Graduate of the University of Warick - and Karl Pilkington "look at that fucking head".

2. That was a racket (1:11)

Karl claims to not have an interest in law and order, but Ricky counter-argues this, reminding Karl about the times he has rung Ricky to complain about his noisy neighbours, nicknamed the ‘Good Fellas’ (after the gangsters, not the pizza company). This resulted in Karl moving to Hampstead as the police wouldn’t do anything about it. Ricky claims that he moved away because he couldn’t get any justice. He then expresses sympathy for people with hellish neighbours and bullies. Karl goes into a tangent about how it is noisier abroad than in London, complaining about the noise he experienced whilst in Majorca. Ricky argues that he should wear earplugs but Karl can then ‘hear the sound of his own heart’. Karl explains that he can’t escape noise as his ears can never close, but his eyes can close if they know that Karl won’t like the look of it. Ricky and Steve joke about this and tell Karl that his eyes are not making decisions for him. Ricky returns to the subject of law and order and about how the individual acts for justice.

3. Capital Punishment (6:49)

Steve brings up the subject of capital punishment and the electric chair. Ricky argues against it. Karl is asked for his opinion. He replies yes seemingly without consideration. Karl comes up with the idea of connecting the electric chair to a random household switch. Steve and Ricky laugh as Karl is talking about the practicalities of the electric chair, not the morality of it. Ricky realises that Karl is talking about the integrity of the person who kills the criminal. Steve returns to Karl’s opinion, Karl argues it should be last resort after warning them, comparing it with bees. Ricky counter-argues that it would only act as a deterrent if the crime is pre-planned, it wouldn’t work for crimes of passion.

3. Mars Bars (10:44)

Karl talks about how he used to nick Mars bars as a kid. He explains that Mars bars were expensive as a kid, but he knew he wouldn’t go to jail for stealing one. He concludes that the ‘the stakes were high, the risks were low’. Steve laughs at Karl for trying to sound cool. Ricky clarifies that Karl meant the gains were high and the risks were low. But he argues that it’s worse getting caught as a kid. Karl reveals to Ricky and Steve that he stole the Mars bars from his paper-round boss. They chide Karl for doing so. Karl justifies that if he bought the Mars bars to get the energy needed to do his job, he would only get 5p from his wage so it was alright to nick them. Ricky disagrees saying it wasn’t the right thing to do. He uses the analogy of stealing uranium from a nuclear power plant. Steve laughs and comments on the strangeness of the analogy.

3. Tickets Please (15:20)

Ricky states that he never stole anything as he wants to have a clear conscious. Steve tells Karl and Ricky about how he used to buy tube tickets until he realised that there were no barriers and no-one checked the tickets. However after a month of not purchasing a ticket, he got caught by a ticket inspector. Stephen suggests that shame stops people from committing crimes apart from, he teases, Karl.

4. Alert Level - Severe, Punishment - Genocide (17:33)

Steve presents the debate about what would stop a person from committing a crime if they could get anyway with it in a ‘godless universe’. Ricky retorts that there is no God and he is a good person, not because he’s going to be rewarded when he dies but because he wants to be known as a good person in society. Ricky reads out a Baptist Christian forum about the Ten Commandments. A poster provides a ‘handy colour chart’ to the Ten Commandments. Punishment ranges from genocide to despisement and scorn. Ricky and Stephen mocks the extremism of the poster and the punishments he assigns to each commandment.

Quotes

“My ears seem to be interested in everything, even if I’m not." Karl

“You don’t turn away and then you’re going ‘what was that?’ and your eyes are going ‘you don’t wanna know’.” Ricky

“Nature’s done it in a way with bees. They’ve gone ‘We’ll give you a weapon, but if you use it, you die.’” Karl

“A Mars a day helps to work rest and steal” Ricky

“People were walking by and then I’m being told off by a woman who’s at least a foot and half shorter than me wearing a uniform” Stephen

See Also

• A Handy Colour Chart to The Ten Commandments