19 July 2003

Karl seems happier than last week. But is Karl used to being wound up? Karl might be done with this XFM job--he doesn't look happy, and the listeners have said they have never heard him laugh. Molly's Chambers, Kings of Leon, brilliant. In a few weeks they have a number of weeks off to film The Office Christmas Specials. If Karl comes back, Ricky and Steve will come back. Get XFM on the map, get listeners in the double figures. Karl does Saturday's so he could have his kitchen redone...then slags off his builder. "Is that pub across the street any good?" "Doesn't matter, you're hired to work here!" Karl--they're probably listening! They're gonna clean you out mate! Karl has a problem with builders--and he likes to test them. Nelson Mandela's birthday...20,000 people show up. Everyone has met Nelson except ricky, steve, and karl. After the song, Steve recounts a university story. He has these size-14 Dr. Maartens shoes. And he catches the dorm maid trying on his shoes and mocking him and his large feet to the delight of the others huddled there. This gives Ricky the opportunity to recount a story of bowling, and Steve getting his Krusty the Clown size 14 bowling shoes. Songs of Phrase then...Steve reads the prizes; Karl recounts the contest. This week's Song--Daddy Never gonna stop Robbin ...from Telephone Box. If Ricky and Steve did any show prep they would never let that on air. Steve asks Karl--what does Suzanne really think of us? So Karl discusses this and his feelings about having mates an that. Plus Karl won't be looking at babies--he cant be bothered. They're all the same, they don't have any personality yet, etc. "When the kids older i'll go see 'em" Ricky and Steve now 'sell' themselves to other stations--magic, radio 1, heart, etc. Then a funny bit with Ricky and Steve saying what they'd rather see Simon Mayo do to break a world record. All the records seemed to focus around jizz and spunk on Simon. Ricky and Steve discuss people trying to strike up conversations with them and thinking they could instantly be their mates. People from school, university...etc. Steve bought a 42" plasma TV...he cant get far enough away from it to see it well. Karl says, "get a portable" Steve doesn't know that you are supposed to tip the delivery men. He's not made of money, he just spent it all on this TV! Films on DVD are great on the big TV. Karl then goes on a riff about watching Wimbledon and they showed little fellas in a wheelchair having a game. Don't put it on the telly! No rally goin on! "hits it--net" and he also wonders why people are watching it when there are other matches on. Give them a game of swingball, Karl says. I'm not havin a go, tell them, Karl says to Ricky. Steve then relates that Riverdance was the entertainment for the Paralympics. Ricky--it's not paraplegic olympics, i'm educating karl...it's parallel olympics. Has Karl got monkey news this week? Gone off to spain, got married, robbed a bank? Steve--why Karl, go to Hastings, it's so arbitrary? Steve then gives Karl a big kiss on the head. Karl's recap of Hastings--nice beach, not sand but pebbles. Can you walk on pebbles? Brighton was heaving. But the shops at Hastings, all the souvenir shops. Can't find bread and milk anywhere. A shop that sells only chess pieces. Steve recalls a shop that only sold the foam in side cushions. But now it is "Chess and Bridge" "come in and browse" If you ever need an antique marionette, ask Steve. He knows a shop. Now the answers to Songs of Phrase. Out of the Record. Ricky--"I'd be great for Heart!" Steve now apologizes for slaggin off Chris Moyles And now the promo for "Who do you hate" So the listeners to the show will vote, and the results will be tallied next week. No voting for politicians, dead dictators, alive dictators, etc. Now a recap of someone using XFM to propose to his misses. Karl--abusing your position annoys me. Ricky doing the jingle again, "London's Heart one-oh-six-point-twoooo" What do you hate? Dictators, famine, disease. Who do you hate? Ooooh, Chimpanzee that--Monkey News! This week's monkey news going back to 1908. The olympics in London. 400 meters. Won by a chimp. The favorite was this Bulgarian guy. Ricky has a couple of theories--OK, THIS IS WHAT IT CAN'T BE. Apparently they took so long to figure it was a chimp that the chimp won more races after the olympics. "He's only three foot but the trophy is up at nine foot due to the long arms!" Steve--"Shut up this is Monkey news, if you cant handle the news..." Ricky--Dont talk...shit! Don't talk...shit Karl--the chimp managed to win the race 4 years later in Athens Ricky--they're winding you up Karl! Ricky ends by talking up a mainstream record and acting like a real DJ!