15 November 2003

This episode is listed as Season 2 Vol 3 on XFM's website (http://www.xfm.co.uk/Article.asp?id=19273)

Ricky--"A retrocut there--Thin Lizzy, Don't Believe A Word" "c'mon Karl--up up up Karl!" Suzanne's big arse--Karl says she heard him say it last week. He was okay until Thursday, when he mentioned to her that her doppelganger "definitely wouldn't have a haircut like yours" ouch...recall that a couple weeks ago Karl said Suzanne's haircut made her look like Dave Hill of Slade. On today's show--Karl in Films, Monkey News, Rockbusters. The usual twaddle. Steve brings out a VH-1 Pop Culture survey. Top 100 Pop Culture Icons of all time. Of course this will turn out to be a rubbish survey, as Ricky says, "whatever's big at the moment" A recap of the list...number 3 is Elvis, 9 is Robbie Williams, Jimmy Dean way down at 22. David Beckham somehow at #1. Brit Bias Ricky says. The Office is at #66. What might be lower than THEM, Steve asks Ricky. Superman? Ricky says higher. No...lower. Ludicrous says Ricky. Neil Armstrong? Lower. Ricky got this right. After the first one he senses a trend. Sharp lad. Tom Cruise? Lower. Right again Someone sends them a "shout-out" request. When did we start this? one of them asks. Monkey News--Jonathan Ross had one about a Monkey on a Bus. Karl would have it driving the bus to France or Spain or sommat. Steve-"How is Jonathan Ross? All right?" Ricky LOL. Steve-"Ricky was on JR's show last night. Two pals having a laugh. Do his kids come up to you and say, 'Uncle Ricky--do the little dance!'" And then to make it worse, on the show, JR gave Ricky a cat. Ricky named it "Ollie" Ricky just celebrated his birthday. Steve might get invited to the party some year. ROCKBUSTERS time: Steve reads the prizes. Lots of stuff on VHS of course. Ricky-"A pile of rubbish!" Cryptic clues and initials: 1. If you go to a chaps (?) store you will... S. 2. ET is upset--what's up with him? ...M.E. 3. I had a tape with, uh (Ricky--JESUS!)...uh, Humpty Dumpty, Hickory Dickory Dock on it, but I broke it. What's going on there?...B.R. The clues change every time he reads them.

Story time with Steve...He's forced to take the Tube. Embarrassing--all those posters in the Tube with Steve and Ricky on them. Karl moved in closer so he could walk everywhere. Steve won't let Ricky's birthday party alone. "Can I come to next year's birthday party and just wear the waiter outfit?" Karl--"I'm just interested in weird stuff.....a little gay fella an' that" Karl--the last carriage on the Northern Line on a late Sat. night--it's like the 'gay carriage.' Ricky--"how'd ya know that?" Karl--"Someone told me" Steve then recalls an encounter, accidentally, he had at about age 16. He discovered two guys doing each other, and he exclaimed in surprise, "OH, EFF me!" "NO-Don't!" Then he ran out. His main point--"I wasn't notified!" All he wants is for someone to give him fair warning of these places. So, he's annoyed at that. Steve--"just put an ad in the local paper, for social awareness" Karl has another 'gay news' story--he was walking thru Soho at night. Someone gave him a card for a gay event. K--"but, the card was rubbish" The card said, "The best BUM in double-U one" So you can go to the park late at night, hook up with a dude, and 'ding-dong' Steve asks, "why can't we have this with WOMEN?" Jealous Steve? "In a sense." Ricky--"How can you 'Get involved'? Like; 'Oh I can't believe it, I couldn't say no, oh my wrist it's knackered, I was there for about two hours, I must've done about 43 of them but I didn't like to say no 'cos they were so pleased to see me'..."

Rockbusters answers now: 1. See Horses (Sea Horses?) Ricky-"OH!" 2. Missy Elliot (Missing Elliot) Ricky-"Cryptic? Cryptic?! You FFFFFFFF!" 3. Busta Rhymes Karl was in Heat magazine this week. He's also supposed to do a TV program on Sky, but he doesnt want his family to watch him. Goes back to the Little Donkey/We 3 Kings story, when his Dad said on video camera that he looked like a twat. Karl has trouble recalling the exact age he was when he was in Little Donkey. Now scary news--Karl is eligible for jury service, they just realize. Karl wouldn't like to get involved. It's a hassle. Then he recounts witnessing a car getting nicked in Manchester. Some guys pushing it down the street. He called the police. They arrive and start yelling at him up on the 10th floor balcony. Ricky--"Pushing a car? That's how they steal cars in Manchester is it? Everywhere else in the country they get in and drive them away. What do the police do? Push their panda car after them?" Ricky--Imagine Karl in a Mafia trial?! So they bring out this scenario. Karl seemingly not knowing what the witness protection program is. Karl figures his identity though would be Brett Hansen. Brett, recall, was one of his mates at school and he's always liked that name. Karl wonders why he couldnt just testify wearing dark glasses and an afro and having his voice altered, as opposed to going into witness protection somewhere. Ricky--"you're a genius, Karl" Karl in Films now--One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Karl--"I'm in 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest'. Took a scene fromn it. You've got to listen carefully and at the end there'll be a question on the clip you've just heard. It's sort of like what they do in 'The Krypton Factor'..." Monkey News next--"It's about this monkey who was knocking around in the '50s, he was known in the LA area. Apparently he wore a golden mask and a cape and a leopardskin belt and stuff so people didn't know he was a monkey. They thought he was a bloke just going around helping out in crime situations and stuff..." Weird innit?