Karl's Poems

Karl's Poems first appeared in the third series of the Podcast. They are written in Karl's Diary but Steve chooses not to read them as he and Ricky find them more entertaining if read by Karl.

Episode 1

First

If moths have eyes, would they be happier?

How do they know they're not dead?

Cavemen hunting for food,

But not before they style the hair on their head

What would last longer in dinosaur times?

A blind man didn't stand a chance. Not with all them rocks about

I'd rather be a blind moth

Episode 2

Second

Bubbled wallpaper. What a mess

Washer dryer knackered. What a mess

Siamese twins seperated. One leg less

Episode 3

Third

I don't like jellyfish, they’re not a fish, they're just a blob

They don’t have eyes, fins or scales like a cod

They float about blind, stinging people in the seas

And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas

Get rid of them

Fourth

It would be spiteful

To put jellyfish in a trifle

Fifth

For god sake, me belly ache

The doctor said it’s me kidney

He said he’s got to stick a tube up me knob

I said you got to be kidding me

For god sake, knob ache.

Episode 6

My Ward

Me, a chinese fella and an old bloke,

Who looked like Mr Burns from 'The Simpsons',

Don't know what was wrong with him,

But breaking wind was the symptoms.

No one visited him or called him.

He seemed quite lost to me.

As well as wind problems,

He had a colostomy.

When I left,

I said "see ya" to the old man.

Turned out the other fella wasn't chinese,

He was from Japan.

I never found out what was up with him.

Feature Ends

Despite Ricky and Steve encouraging Karl with his poetry, and the poems appearing throughout the third series of the Podcast, the feature was never brought back after the third series ie, The Podfather and The Fame Podcast featured no poetry.

External Links

Poems To Music (mp3) - A collection of Karl's poems to The Last Time by The Rolling Stones. By pat19171.