17 January 2004/Transcript

This is a transcription of the 17 January 2004 episode, from Xfm Series 3.

I've Never Kept A Diary

Song: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Fortune Faded

Ricky: Fortune Faded, by er, Red Hot Chili Peppers on XFM 104.9. With Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington for the last time.

Steve: Yes, we've said that before, of course.

Ricky: Yeah.

Steve: So don't get your hopes up.

Ricky: No. Yeah, we've had some highs, had some lows. Some laughs, some tears. Karl, you concentrating?

Steve: Lots of tears, mainly from the audience.

Ricky: Yeah. Now er, before we get into that, before we get into talking about, maybe some of the hijinks we've had, looking back. Looking forward, as well.

Steve: Yeah.

Ricky: Er, I came in, Karl was sitting at the desk, he went, "Alright?", I went, "Alright? How you doing?". He went, "Yeah. See that 'Alan Clark Diaries'?", I went, "No, I didn't". He went "Ahh, er, lot of people talking about it. I've never kept a diary. Keeping a diary will always get you into trouble". And I said, "Like Anne Frank". What did you say Karl?

Karl: The woman in the cupboard?