Fame Souvenir Program Podcast/transcript

Unless You've Downloaded This Illegally Off The Internet

Ricky: Hi. Welcome to ah - The Ricky Gervais Show, with me Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant...

Steve: Hello there.

Ricky: And the shaven monkey with a head like a fucking orange that is Karl Pilkington.

Karl: Alright.

Ricky: Well um, this is uh, uh, uh, a special edition - a free, a giveaway podcast, um, uh that people who, uh came to see my show Fame in London got - put on their seat - gratis. Thanks for coming. Well unless you didn't even come and still got this free. Unless someone went "Well I don't want it he was rubbish", and gave it to you - you're listening to it for free -- OR you've sort of downloaded it illegally -- it was free anyway! Ahh... forget it! Um, we've been away for a while, now we're back together...

Steve: The old team.

Ricky: The old team back together, in a little room in Central London. Karl! Looking back on the year, what's happened? I remember last year the most memorable thing that happened was you saw a grub eating a biscuit. So uh-

Steve: That was a highlight, I uh...

Ricky laughs.

Steve: That made it into his diary.

Ricky: Yeah! So uh, what's the big thing of this year, what's the big thing so far of 2007 that, as - if if I say 2007 you'll go "Oh yeah that was the year that--"...

Karl: Uhh...

Ricky: You know in 10 years time-

Karl: In years to come?

Ricky: Yeah, I'll go I'll go "Remember 2007?", you'll go "Course I do! It was the year that--"...

Pause

Karl: I haven't really been following what's going on cos' of other-other like personal issues-

Ricky: Well yeah what's the big - OK what's the big thing-

Karl: Just me boiler. The boiler's playing up still. Sick of it.

Steve: Yer what?

Karl: Me boiler.

Steve: Your boiler?

Karl: The boiler. That heats the water up and stuff - except it doesn't.

Steve: You know what I'd do in that situation, I'd instantly get a repair man out to sort it.

Karl: Done that. Done that. Twice. It was 80 quid-

Ricky snorts.

Karl: for him just to say "Yeah it looks like you need a new one". 80 quid call-out.

Ricky: Why don't you get a new one then?

Karl: Because, you, then you wondered are you meant to believe him or is he out to sort of-

Ricky: Well he's the expert.

Karl: Yeah but is he?

Ricky: Well I don't know.

Karl: It's like you need to get a second opinion aren't you like-

Ricky: So that was the first time then, so what was the second time, who came out the second time?

Karl: Same fella.

Ricky: Well what did he say-

Steve: I thought you were going to get a second opinion!

Ricky: Yeah, and also-

Karl: I called up the company and they just sent him again. Because-

Steve: Well call a different company!

Karl: No, no-

Ricky: What-what-what was his second opinion?

Ricky sniggers.

Ricky: 80 quid.

Ricky giggles.

Steve: "I under-charged you, it's 150."

Karl: No because they - they must look in the book and sort of go "Oh, you know - Harry, Harry went round there" or whatever. And uh, they must think "Well he went there last time, so he knows the situation-"

Steve: Yeah.

Karl: And.. got the same fella again-

Ricky: Well - well and you got the same opinion, I assume?

Karl: Same, same answer, yeah.

Ricky: So - so okay, so that's - that's two - so twice you've called someone out, they've said "You need a new boiler." He had the overalls on holding a monkey wrench again, he came in a van, he charged ya. He's the professional. Why haven't you got a new boiler?

Karl: Because then he went to - he went on to say that, you know it's a dangerous setup I've got...

Ricky snorts.

Karl: Uh, it shouldn't be setup the way it is, it's dangerous.

Ricky giggles.

Karl: Something about gas leaking out of it.

Ricky giggles.

Karl: He said, "You don't - you don't sleep close to this, do you?"

Ricky torts.

Karl: And it's like, well, "The bedroom's there." It's not a big flat - you've seen it Steve."

Ricky laughs.

Karl: Everything's on-suite, innit?