Dictionary of Karl Pilkington

Karl has a unique way of speaking. Karl's idiolect is made up of old-fashioned sayings, Mancunian slang, and correct English that has been misspoken or misused. Below are examples of Karl's one-of-a-kind speech.

A

• Aborigian - Aboriginal
• Ages ago - see years ago
• 'Airy - hairy: 'airy Chinese kid
• Alrigh' - hello / goodbye / how are you? / great / good / okay / not great depending on tone and context.
• Analogy - "sort of a little story told quickly"
• An' that - usually meaningless, sometimes meaning etcetera.
• Amm-thirst - Amethyst
• Annoyed - any of various degrees of irritation. One of the very few feelings Karl identifies.
• Antiduian - "Old", possibly from antediluvian
• Aphrodite - Hermaphrodite
• Apparently - a disjunct indicating that the concurrent sentence is almost certainly bollocks
• Art - "something for your eyes to look at"
• Atomic - "exploding": Exploding pet... that's Atomic Kitten
• 'Ave a Rest - origin of 'Everest'

B

• Baba - Babylon: Evertonians are from Everton, so Babylonians are from Baba.
• Badder - worse: then it got a bit badder.
• Bad Wind - A Hurricane, Typhoon, or tornado: Like that Bad Wind going on in America
• Big eyelids - ptosis
• Binable - expendable
• Blokage - manliness, signs that one is a man: When meeting a tranny, you should look for signs of blokage
• Bom boms - bon bons.
• Boo-boo - pooh-pooh: You've boo-booed the idea of...
• Boswell - Roswell (New Mexico)
• Bozwollocks - boswellox, not a good name for an ingredient according to Karl
• Brain case - head, skull
• Bumble - (verb) to move transiently through life without direction: I've never really had a dream, I've just sort of bumbled along.
• Bum tube - enema, colonic irrigation: No bum tubes though.
• Bungled in - bundled in: I don't wanna be bungled in
• Bung on - put on: I'll bung a song on then
• Bismissmem - businessmen

C

• Cellular something-or-other - Organ donation memory transference. E.g. A kidney transplant patient who ended up liking yellow biscuits and driving
• Chaise londges - chaise longues
• Chinese - any oriental nationality
• Chinesey - Chinese. It smells Chinesey.
• Chimpanaut - A primate trained for NASA space program in 1959
• Clackering - a bad beating: Leroy gave us a right good clackerin'.
• Clippable mat - Karl's business idea for a coaster that clips onto the cup so that you don't lose it.
• Clive Warren - Clive Owen
• Coaster wheel things - the wheels on an office operator chair
• Colly - cauliflower, as in "Colly Osborne"
• Come - came: He had helmet on, but his head come off.
• Condensity - consistency: Tic Tacs have a similar condensity to kitty litter
• Congomblery - the medical term for the plica located on right side of the rectum: if you feel to the right, that's the congomblery
• Courier - someone "who delivers lungs an' tha'."
• Croppage - crops, harvested vegetation
• Cropping - farming: who's gonna do the cropping?
• Cryptic - describes a near impossibly obscure clue which implies the answer through a combination of bad or distorted puns, and some irrelevant information; "craptic" as Stephen Merchant aptly describes
• Cyclop - cyclops, a man with one eye

D

• Demick/demicky - ersatz / improper: the thing is, right, if you have a lot of something, you also have a lot of demick ones what aren't properly.
• Dictionary - "a book with words in"
• Diskartis - Descartes
• Diss - insult
• Distance - area, place: they found them both within the same distance
• Disguise - Court dress: everybody else had disguises
• Doppleganger - clone
• Drawned - drawn: you're more drawned to things that keep your eyes interested

E

• Effin' 'n' jeffin' - swearing: me brother was effin' 'n' jeffin' all the time
• Egypt bloke - Egyptian man
• Elephantitis - Elephantiasis; or some similar condition as that suffered by Joseph Merrick (The Elephant Man), who is believed to have suffered some combination of neurofibromatosis type I and Proteus syndrome.

F

• Face rub - facial, "just a posh face wash"
• Faff/faffin' - messing around
• Farest - Farthest/furthest, the farest that a dog swam
• Fed up - unhappy
• Fewd - food. Ages ago, people went out to work, and with the money, they'd buy fewd
• Fire engine place - fire station
• Fish shop - aquarium
• Flumpf - rubbish, lowbrow: They want some- some, sort of - flumpf telly, that they don't have to think about.
• Foodage - food: If it's a potato or a nut, it's a foodage.
• Forrest Gump - disabled person: me dad put a Forrest Gump in a wheelie bin
• Frightenedness - fear: he had a look of frightendness on his face
• Froze - frozen: it had froze
• Fuckerage - problems: it's added to the fuckerage.

G

• Gang - group of animals
• Glider - light aircraft
• Gloopy - essentially the adjective form of glunge
• Glunge - wet muck / filth: I was up to my shoulder Steve, in like- glunge
• Goes - says
• Gozzin' - spitting: the octopus was gozzin' about everywhere
• Greenness - primitive, photosynthetic life forms: In the beginning, air created the greenness
• Grippage - grip, purchase: there's a lot of grippage on the side of the building
• Guy - mouse. The guy with all the berries

H

• Havin' it away - having sex: we were on holiday, and we were havin' it away an' that...
• Hypotenuse - an angle off straight: ...went off at a hypotenuse.

I

• Iceland - Antarctica
• Insect - any arthropod, along with some molluscs such as slugs and snails
• In't - isn't
• Ivor the Terrible - Ivan the Terrible

J

• Jamaican fella - a man with such an accent to pronounce "nil demand" as "Neil Diamond", and "Christ, the berg!" as "Chris de Burgh".

K

• Kidded - tricked: It's like your brain is being kidded
• Knob - penis: I could eat a knob at night.
• Knobhead - Karl's favourite insult
• Knockin' about - around, in the area: turned out.. a monkey was knockin' about
• Kusabi - wasabi: I'm serving some right rubbish tonight, give 'em some of that kusabi

L

• Lake - a type of river
• Laxidaisical - lax and lackadaisical: some would say we've got a bit too laxidaisical.
• Learn - teach: I'll learn you something there
• Leg rubber, (professional) - masseur / masseuse
• Limsy - cross between limp and flimsy.
• Little - totally meaningless adjective often used to describe characters in Karl's anecdotes or stories (e.g. 'little fella in a wheelchair').
• Little gay fella - any homosexual male, not necessarily a small one: there was this little gay fella...
• Lumbered - burdened

M

• Macs - individuals with surnames beginning with "Mac-"
• Mam - mother
• Mam's mam - grandmother
• Manmoth - a cross between a human and a moth.
• Manwoman - pre-op transexual. Also "a man who is now sort of half a woman"
• Mard/Mardy - weak, "can't handle anything", "get ill easy": they're coming out all mardy
• Me - my / a consciousness exogenous to one's brain: Am I me or me brain?
• Me fables - an analogy that makes sense to Karl, but no one else: I'm usin' me fables!
• Medicalish - relating to medicine
• Mentalist - someone with a low IQ
• Miminalistic - minimalistic: A coupla years back, people went miminalistic
• Missizippi - Mississippi
• Moan gene - the gene that precipitates a moaning of the worries in the worry hole
• Molish - a characteristic of people who live underground
• Moley - covered in moles: Auntie Nora's back is moley
• Monkey - any non-human primate, usually a chimpanzee. Also occasionally other animals such as the lizards who share a symbiotic relationship with scorpions
• Mongs - mongooses
• Moped over - slumped, slouched: moped over in a wheelchair
• Mr. Exorcist - an exorcist
• Multi-gyms facilities - transfer bars in disabled lavatories
• Mushified - the state that slugs turn into when they clog up the shower drain

N

• Neck - drink quickly, down (a drink): They've got a coffee with ice in so they can neck it.
• News - anything that has ever been written on the internet at some point
• Not properly - Improper or unusual e.g. a white elephant. Synonym for 'Demicky/Demick': "Well, you know. They weren't...they weren't...properly".

O

• Obvious - embarrassing because of the insight it shines on one's thinking. This is Karl's reasoning for why Karl will not use cubicle toilets to avoid using urinals next to "little gay fellas", and why "the two kids with big heads and webbed fingers" were not friends.
• Olden days, (the) - see years ago
• Otherness - other more evolved forms of life than greenness. From the greenness came otherness
• Our kid - brother or sister
• Oven - Karls excuse to prove Suzanne wrong, as he had to pay an £80 call out charge for a broken fuse, which he could have easily fixed. Suzanne: Karl, call someone out. Karl: Oven
• Overfaced - Overwhelmed, daunted: I'd probably be overfaced by that apple. It's too much.

P

• Pacemaker - artificial heart
• Palaco - alpaca: It doesn't want to be somewhere else. It's where it was. And that's the same with this palaco, or whatever.
• Papa people - natives of Papua New Guinea: these Papa People, right...
• Pet hate - something you hate about having a pet. Karl's is "when there's shit somewhere but you can't find it".
• Pikelet - "Sort of a thin crumpet", similar to a drop scone.
• Plunge things - ear plugs
• Posh badge - brooch
• Power - a species specific ability, such as an ant's ability to lift things
• Probabling - see 'probleming'
• Probleming - troubling, causing problems: Whilst I'm sat here [my legs] are not probleming me
• Problem ball - An imaginary physical representation of a person's problem, the size indicating the magnitude of the problem. For example, a broken boiler is represented by a large problem ball, whereas someone chewing loudly a small ball.
• Problem gene - The gene present in all humans which necessitates the filling of the problem hole/worry hole with problem balls.
• Problem hole - An imaginary physical representation of a person's capacity for annoyance with worries/problems, represented by problem balls. Since everybody's problem hole is a standard size, people must choose to fill the hole with many small problems, few large problems or any combination that fills the hole. Synonymous with worry hole.
• Prosperarity - Prosperity coming from Chinese Star Gods

Q

• Quiz show - Karl's description of 'There's Something About Miriam' which was a reality TV show with no quiz elements

R

• Ravin' about - thinks well of: everyone's ravin' about Einstein an' tha'.
• Remembered - reminded: now that you've remembered me that...
• Replemishing - replenishing: I needed to replemish 'cos I was so tired
• Rob'er - Robert: Rob'er Plant
• Rockbusters - a quiz where "cryptic" clues and initials are given for a musical artist to be guessed, a shameless rip-off of the popular television show Blockbusters.
• Rosie Wotsit - Rosa Parks
• Rum 'un - wrong 'un, ne'er-d'well: she was a rum 'un
• Rummanging - rummaging: he started rummanging

S

• Sand - silicon. Sand makes computer chips
• Sanctuary - borstal, a place for the animals with a rough upbringing
• Scrike - cry
• Scruffily - in a scruffy, disorganized manner
• Shuck - shook: I shuck it off and me skin come off.
• Siamese lad: Siamese twins/a fella with two 'eads.
• Six billion - "loads"
• Skewl - school
• Sleep - "when you're sort of shut-down"
• Sluggage - slug matter
• Sluggish - having the appearance of sluggage. It looked very sluggish.
• Snidey - sneaky, untrustworthy: there's always a little snidey one.
• Squoze - squeezed; squeeze (past imperfect): he came in at one o'clock and squoze it then!
• Squozed - squeezed; squeeze (past perfect): That's before the stress of, you know, having heads squozed an' that
• Superpower - an advantage that might arise from a disability or medical iffliction, e.g. enhanced memory in autism
• Suzanne - Karl's girlfriend
• Swede woman - Swedish woman

T

• Tenseness - tension: you've got a lot of tenseness there
• Testerone - testosterone
• Testi - testicles
• Texas - where you go if you want to see a tornado: It's texas, innit
• The Conga - the Congo
• The Fella Who Painted the Ceiling - Michelangelo
• The Terrible Fella - Ivan the Terrible
• The Western - the Wild West, the land where Westerns are set: they're riding across the Western together.
• Them - these / those
• Thefth - theft, robbin'
• Tight - careful with money, not generous.
• Thump - to hit, to punch
• Time thing - deja vu/time loop phenomena. He sees himself as a kid, it's some sort of time thing.
• Ting - to rattle or bounce in a metallic fashion: you could hear one tingin' its way up the tube
• Tink - to knock glasses together
• Toffee - any form of sweets, e.g. Skittles
• Tong - tongue
• Tootn' Ka Moon - Tutankhamun
• Trumping - Farting Not like, trumping, and then nothing. Continuous.
• Tubberware - tupperware: yeah, the plastic boxes
• Turdunkan - Turducken, but with the duck inside the chicken. They get a turkey, shove a chicken inside tha', and shove a duck in side tha'.
• Twinings - Karl's favourite brand of tea.
• Typhoo - A very strong brand of tea bag: Typhoo means lots of milk

U

• Uglely - ugly: I heard we're all gonna go uglely.
• Uncomfy - uncomfortable
• Undreth - Hundredth: Are you familiar with undreth monkey?
• Uppered - promoted: they get sort of... what's the word... sort of uppered too early

V

• Vehhh - an utterance Karl occasionally makes when dismissing something, e.g. the butterfly effect theory

W

• Webbage - web: ...floating around on a bit of webbage
• Weird - something that is interesting or odd to Karl, "thing's you don't see"
• Wewe - an old female ghost with drooping breasts: I said she might end up becoming a wewe.
• What have yer - whatnot
• What's-her-name: when Karl can't find the right word he says this, whether it's a woman, man, place, event etc.: I went to what's-her-name... barley street
• Whingingness - moaning, rebuke, criticism: I don't understand this whingingness.
• Whop - reveal in a startling or impertinent manner: she whopped 'em out and he started suckin' on 'em an' that
• Willy-nillily - carefree: but you just said it willy-nillily
• Wine house - vineyard cottage. Ay! Me Wine 'ouse!
• World, (the) - The Earth The Earth is our world; it's the World
• Worry hole - the part of the brain where problems are contained. It can either be filled with a few big worries or many smaller worries, but all brains must fill it somehow.
• Wroted - written: someone had wroted - uh!

Y

• Years ago - some time between the origin of the universe and a couple of years ago; also ages ago and (the) olden days.
• Yella biscuit - a non-descript biscuit that happens to be yellow, which a man in one of Karl's stories used to fear but started eating after receiving a new kidney.